Help Can someone help provide a method to CBT?

[Chickennoodlesoup]

Hello folks,

I'm really new to this site and im not sure how to go about this. I do not want to CTB just yet, but i think it would really calm my mind to have something lined up, to escape to when it gets too hard.

Ideally, it would be something easily accessible, that doesn't point to suicide. I noticed some of you have the philosophy that a mother (and father) put you on this earth without consent, so you dont owe them anything. Although I understand this, and partly agree with it, is is not a thought i share. I do love my mom, and she is the only thing stopping me. Is there a way that makes it seem like i died of something i didnt have any control over? I dont want her to think she was a bad mom to me.

Does anyone have any suggestions? Thanks already!

 

[AgentOrange]

I don't think that anyone on here wants to be like "oh you should def CTB right now." In fact, I've gotten a lot of encouragement instead of instigation. Would you like to talk about what has made you think about this? Do you know your root causes?

 

[ClownWorld2023]

Is there a way that makes it seem like i died of something i didnt have any control over? I dont want her to think she was a bad mom to me.

Does anyone have any suggestions? Thanks already!

The only method that I could think of, is by using liquid nitrogen in an enclosed space to displace the oxygen.
It must be done in a space that has pretty much no ventilation at all.
If done properly, it can appear as if the death was natural, and cannot be detected during autopsy.

But liquid nitrogen can be hard to come by.

 

[Chickennoodlesoup]

I don't think that anyone on here wants to be like "oh you should def CTB right now." In fact, I've gotten a lot of encouragement instead of instigation. Would you like to talk about what has made you think about this? Do you know your root causes?

Well, there are a bunch of smaller reasons, but mainly I have such a terrible view of myself. I can't stand the way that I am. The feeling that I am inside my body and that that is a part of me is revolting to me. I have had anorexia for more than a year now and was forced into recovery. I feel devastating shame for the fact that I have a physical form and I just don't see a point in trying to love life or myself if I can't stand simply being. I have tried therapy and a bunch of other things but this feeling of nausea at myself is like a constant ringing in my ear that is driving me insane.

I thank you for talking to me. I don't even think I'll CTB now or in the near future, but talking about this is a place that won't affect my actual life does help, so I appreciate you :)

 

[AgentOrange]

I have had anorexia for more than a year now and was forced into recovery.

i feel it man. i don't think a lot of people realize how sucky it is to live with permanent pain. im feeling that rn. i just want it to stop too.