Discussion Can anyone relate to this? (Aspergers and autism)

[TAW122]

There is an thread on r/TTG about how life with Aspergers and autism is a curse. Let me know what your thoughts are on this.

 

[not_a_robot]

I don't need to read it, seen it all before. Autism makes adapting to neurotypical society almost unbearable and it can feel cursed. I know many autistics feel that way and they they think the answer is to just try harder to fit in. I think that makes it worse. Conforming ourselves to neurotypical society is not the answer.
Coming together and strategizing to dismantle neurotypical society is.
They've fucked everything up and nothing is real anymore. We can do better.
--Well, at least we sure as hell can't do any worse.

Ok, read it. Thank you so much for posting that! I gave up the Autism and Aspergers subs after a few days because of the same experience she had. Those mods don't want us to discuss Autistic issues, they only want to stifle discussion of Autistic issues.
Reddit Autism subs only welcome Autistics who want to become neurotypical. Tney are pushing an agenda to make us be like neurotypicals, any user who speaks out against it is shadowbanned.

Their agenda is willfully destructive to us because it is known that masking to conform to NT society is prone to make us kill ourselves. They push an agenda that they know harms us.

I'd like to knock those Mods' teeth out with my stainless steel strap-on cock.

 

[TAW122]

Yeah I agree with you, instead of trying to 'fit' in and play a stacked bullshit game (and oftenly losing), it's better to fuck the game and live on our own terms. For me, well it's more than just that though, my quality of life and other factors determine whether I CTB sooner or later, but that's another story and topic though.

 

[not_a_robot]

Yeah I agree with you, instead of trying to 'fit' in and play a stacked bullshit game (and oftenly losing), it's better to fuck the game and live on our own terms. For me, well it's more than just that though, my quality of life and other factors determine whether I CTB sooner or later, but that's another story and topic though.

Autistics really need to come together to help each other with coping strategies and therapy.
Neurotypicals can't help us adapt in ways that are healthy or innovative for us, all they can do is demand that we act like them, which is literally killing us.

The world does not need more neurotypical lies and bullshit.

Autistics don't need to become neurotypical, we need to adapt and innovate into something new.
And we can only do it by helping each other, and taking neurotypicals destructive influence out of the equation.

 

[SelfHatingAspie]

I tried to pass myself off as neurotypical for about 25 years i.e. as soon as I was old enough to contain meltdowns, mimic most NT mannerisms and develop enough scripts to present myself as NT.

I got so good at it that I convinced myself I wasn't on the spectrum; rather, I was misdiagnosed as a child and my problem was that I was just a hardcore little turd.

I completely get why some young aspies/ASD people want to try and present as NT. Whilst it's arguably a bit easier to be on the spectrum now than it was in the 1980s-90s, it's not exactly Skittlebrau.

That said. I can't recommend camouflaging as a long term strategy, and would strongly suggest to any young people on the spectrum to try and hang in there until they get to college or uni, where there is a strong chance they'll discover others that are either on the spectrum or sympathetic to those on the spectrum.

Autistic burnout is a thing, and is the underlying reason why I'm posting this from a psych ward.

 

[soda_pressed]

This thread confirms what I already feel - being diagnosed with Aspergers is a curse. I'm also sick of the very high-functioning autistics who have jobs/families/friends who try to act like autism is a difference, and not a debilitating disorder. What about people with very severe autism who can't speak. Is that a "difference" too. If there was a cure, I'd 100% take it. I hate myself, because society hates autism.

I take a lot of my self-worth from how other people perceive me. Masking is fucking hard work, but I can't not mask.

It's no use people telling me to fuck what other people think, when I can't just "not care". I'm not a psychopath nor a robot, but I feel like an alien in this world.
It's why there's no point for me using conventional methods to treat depression; medication, CTB, eating healthily will not work for me. Then people complain why I do nothing to alleviate my depression. Like hello???

Being autistic makes you see the worst in people. Sick of hearing things like 'society is starting to become more accepting of people on the spectrum'. Well no, that's a massive lie. I see through all of this neurotypical bullshit and I want out. I can't wait to kill myself honestly. I'm also going to put on my suicide note that people are the reason why.

Although it also seems a joke that not only am I doomed to have a shit life, there may not be anything on the other side.

 

[Catch_The_Beaver]

I completely agree with the reddit thread, nothing new to me.

Autism is like an unstoppable force behind everything you do that stirs life in the direction of the condition (or whatever name you want to call it). Problems begin to arise slowly but steadily, and even covertly from the autistic, as one becomes alienated, and the feeling of it becomes part of the identity and the daily life of the person. Crippling loneliness out of the inability to share what's important to one impairs all will to continue living.

Suicide is against all the powers of our world and in my opinion is the ultimate way of saying no to what others have to offer, and that never feels good and is unacceptable to the neurotypical majority as it strips them of their universal legitimacy that they give to themselves.

 

[Sh00]

I'd certainly agree with it being like a curse. It affects virtually every aspect of my life in a negative way. From friendships, to relationships, to employment, to daily interactions etc.

Most people, if they have one shitty aspect of their life, usually have another to fall back on. So crap job, but loving partner. A lot of autistic people I know, including myself, have nothing. We live in poverty with no support network (personal or medical) and very little prospect of this ever changing.

You can put in as much effort as you like and it will still amount to nothing. Again a lot of my acquaintances are above average intelligence, have multiple qualifications and yet are unemployed because they can't get past the interview stage.
There are a few success stories but I suspect the majority just spend life struggling.
I really wouldn't wish it on anyone.

 

[gothgirl1996]

Usually, when I mention that I'm autistic people are surprised. I can't decide whether they're trying to bullshit me, or if I really do seem "normal" since I'm high-functioning. Unfortunately, I've been fired from multiple jobs because of my shitty motor skills, and I'm terrified of trying to get another one. I'm only able to get by right now because of SSI, which is a blessing and a curse at the same time. I'm afraid of getting it completely taken away if I try to independently support myself once again and get fired from yet another job. I highly doubt that I'll ever be successful given my past history.

Thanks for listening.

 

[Dreamcolleger]

This thread confirms what I already feel - being diagnosed with Aspergers is a curse. I'm also sick of the very high-functioning autistics who have jobs/families/friends who try to act like autism is a difference, and not a debilitating disorder. What about people with very severe autism who can't speak. Is that a "difference" too. If there was a cure, I'd 100% take it. I hate myself, because society hates autism.

I take a lot of my self-worth from how other people perceive me. Masking is fucking hard work, but I can't not mask.

It's no use people telling me to fuck what other people think, when I can't just "not care". I'm not a psychopath nor a robot, but I feel like an alien in this world.
It's why there's no point for me using conventional methods to treat depression; medication, CTB, eating healthily will not work for me. Then people complain why I do nothing to alleviate my depression. Like hello???

Being autistic makes you see the worst in people. Sick of hearing things like 'society is starting to become more accepting of people on the spectrum'. Well no, that's a massive lie. I see through all of this neurotypical bullshit and I want out. I can't wait to kill myself honestly. I'm also going to put on my suicide note that people are the reason why.

Although it also seems a joke that not only am I doomed to have a shit life, there may not be anything on the other side.

The success stories are a real minority. They depend on a lot of things like the person's looks, do they have some kind of talent/skill, successful parents who are willing to provide a lot to their kid (latest phone, clothes, great parenting, etc), and of course being in the top 0.1% minority of people with autism. People that tick those kind of boxes can actually be quite successful, I've seen it, but it does depend on a lot of factors going your way which is rare. The minor Asperger's can even help in this setting by making you a more interesting person. It actually makes me feel pretty bad because I think I could had a good life if I had good parents instead of abusive ones. My parents even had good money, it's like I was so close!

 

[262653]

Could you, guys and gals, explain what Aspergers/autism is all about? Assuming you would want to explain it to an open-minded neurotypical who doesn't know anything about Aspergers/autism, what would you start with? And what's the difference between two?

 

[gothgirl1996]

Could you, guys and gals, explain what Aspergers/autism is all about? Assuming you would want to explain it to an open-minded neurotypical who doesn't know anything about Aspergers/autism, what would you start with? And what's the difference between two?

I can't speak for everyone, but face-to-face social interaction is really difficult for me. I legitimately forget to look/act friendly, so I usually have a weird facial expression in public. I've lost count of the times that people have told me: "just smile!" I constantly have to remind myself to make eye contact with other people, but I don't always succeed.

To my knowledge, there's not much of a difference between Asperger's and autism. Asperger's represents the more high-functioning people on the spectrum, like myself.

 

[Irregularity]

Autistics really need to come together to help each other with coping strategies and therapy.
Neurotypicals can't help us adapt in ways that are healthy or innovative for us, all they can do is demand that we act like them, which is literally killing us.

The world does not need more neurotypical lies and bullshit.

Autistics don't need to become neurotypical, we need to adapt and innovate into something new.
And we can only do it by helping each other, and taking neurotypicals destructive influence out of the equation.

let's do it

I've self managed myself my entire life and I've helped others do the same. I had to learn everything from the ground up and be introspective enough to watch my own emotions and now I want to pass that knowledge on and create a sense of community among us. Autism diagnosis is rising and we're becoming enough of a population size that society has to make a spot for us and now is the time that we demand that spot and not passively allow them to cattle us to the shit-side of the barn.

Taking into consideration only those who lack social functioning and/or other less severe symptoms Autism becomes a disorder where the brain is more deviant than the norm yet still functions. Sometimes the difference, though, causes enough strain and dysfunction that we're disillusioned into thinking that something is wrong with us. However in most cases I've observed the dysfunction comes from trying to exist in a world not designed for your brain. It's like asking someone who isn't good at math to do calculus and when they fail saying they're retarded and won't function in society because everything is based on calculus. Nothing is wrong with us the world is just not designed for us to be here -- literally! the world is designed for the human mind and that's not exactly what we have. Very dumb people in this world can exist because everything is set up in a way to be intuitive to their mind-- but not ours...meaning we have to think through and figure everything out (oddly enough for me I have intuition with programming/modeling). However we're not a large enough or strong enough group to completely separate from society and form our own (yet) but I suggest looking out for each other and caring for one another the same way normies would take care of those in their "group". Some have already started to do this we're just not catching on.

would you be interested in creating a website with resources and tips?

I tried to pass myself off as neurotypical for about 25 years i.e. as soon as I was old enough to contain meltdowns, mimic most NT mannerisms and develop enough scripts to present myself as NT.

I got so good at it that I convinced myself I wasn't on the spectrum; rather, I was misdiagnosed as a child and my problem was that I was just a hardcore little turd.

I completely get why some young aspies/ASD people want to try and present as NT. Whilst it's arguably a bit easier to be on the spectrum now than it was in the 1980s-90s, it's not exactly Skittlebrau.

That said. I can't recommend camouflaging as a long term strategy, and would strongly suggest to any young people on the spectrum to try and hang in there until they get to college or uni, where there is a strong chance they'll discover others that are either on the spectrum or sympathetic to those on the spectrum.

Autistic burnout is a thing, and is the underlying reason why I'm posting this from a psych ward.

I'd love to chat sometime man I'm the other way around. I was just assumed to be a hardcore little shit and eventually I just kinda went with it since it felt better than being something less than. I'm interested in learning about your burnout thing I think that might have hit me at about 19. I'm 24 now I wish someone had told me to stop using mimicry I was pretty proud of how good I was at mimicking different people

 

[not_a_robot]

let's do it

I've self managed myself my entire life and I've helped others do the same. I had to learn everything from the ground up and be introspective enough to watch my own emotions and now I want to pass that knowledge on and create a sense of community among us. Autism diagnosis is rising and we're becoming enough of a population size that society has to make a spot for us and now is the time that we demand that spot and not passively allow them to cattle us to the shit-side of the barn.

Taking into consideration only those who lack social functioning and/or other less severe symptoms Autism becomes a disorder where the brain is more deviant than the norm yet still functions. Sometimes the difference, though, causes enough strain and dysfunction that we're disillusioned into thinking that something is wrong with us. However in most cases I've observed the dysfunction comes from trying to exist in a world not designed for your brain. It's like asking someone who isn't good at math to do calculus and when they fail saying they're retarded and won't function in society because everything is based on calculus. Nothing is wrong with us the world is just not designed for us to be here -- literally! the world is designed for the human mind and that's not exactly what we have. Very dumb people in this world can exist because everything is set up in a way to be intuitive to their mind-- but not ours...meaning we have to think through and figure everything out (oddly enough for me I have intuition with programming/modeling). However we're not a large enough or strong enough group to completely separate from society and form our own (yet) but I suggest looking out for each other and caring for one another the same way normies would take care of those in their "group". Some have already started to do this we're just not catching on.

would you be interested in creating a website with resources and tips?


I'd love to chat sometime man I'm the other way around. I was just assumed to be a hardcore little shit and eventually I just kinda went with it since it felt better than being something less than. I'm interested in learning about your burnout thing I think that might have hit me at about 19. I'm 24 now I wish someone had told me to stop using mimicry I was pretty proud of how good I was at mimicking different people

Nah, I've given up on advocating for autistics ever making any progress that requires them to co-operate with each other, or see themselves as capable of having decent lives.
They won't. They just fucking won't.
It's hopeless. They won't try anything different, all they care about is making as many excuses as possible not to.
I'm out, I was fucking nuts for thinking autistics could ever be convinced that they are more than just "broken" neurotypicals. That's all they want to be. They don't want to be anything different, they just want the imaginary, unattainable approval they think they'll get from being like everybody else.

Usually, when I mention that I'm autistic people are surprised. I can't decide whether they're trying to bullshit me, or if I really do seem "normal" since I'm high-functioning. Unfortunately, I've been fired from multiple jobs because of my shitty motor skills, and I'm terrified of trying to get another one. I'm only able to get by right now because of SSI, which is a blessing and a curse at the same time. I'm afraid of getting it completely taken away if I try to independently support myself once again and get fired from yet another job. I highly doubt that I'll ever be successful given my past history.

Thanks for listening.

In my experience, that weird reaction when NTs find out I'm autistic is just them planning how they're going to bully and harass me, because once they know I'm autistic, they assume they'll get away with doing whatever cruel shit they want to me.
And they're right.

 

[Irregularity]

Nah, I've given up on advocating for autistics ever making any progress that requires them to co-operate with each other, or see themselves as capable of having decent lives.
They won't. They just fucking won't.
It's hopeless. They won't try anything different, all they care about is making as many excuses as possible not to.
I'm out, I was fucking nuts for thinking autistics could ever be convinced that they are more than just "broken" neurotypicals. That's all they want to be. They don't want to be anything different, they just want the imaginary, unattainable approval they think they'll get from being like everybody else.

In my experience, that weird reaction when NTs find out I'm autistic is just them planning how they're going to bully and harass me, because once they know I'm autistic, they assume they'll get away with doing whatever cruel shit they want to me.
And they're right.

Talk to me some time. Oddly enough people even after they think I might be autistic are a bit too scared to try and bully me.

Okay I've got some more time to explain. They harass you because you're an easy target. It was the same with me. There's 3 types of people (normies) in this world - sheep, wolf, and the dog (look it up). Sheeps are the majority. Sheeps deny the truth and turn a blind eye to something like a wolf harassing you and a dog (the protective type of person) doesn't empathize enough to help. The sheep ignore it because they are weak and their minds can't look at reality and human cruelty for what it is -- they look the other way out of necessity to keep their own world image positive. Once you realize that the problem isn't everyone the problem is just with you and a wolf (1/10 is a wolf in my opinion) and that nobody will help you the solution becomes easier. Make it apparent and don't let people ignore what's going on -- learn to communicate just enough to display their actions for what they are (sometimes the wolf is smart enough to not get caught). Personally I've learned (and I am NOT reccomending this) to kind of channel some bloodlust (I'm a violent person by nature) and once people know that you're not afraid of confrontation harassing you becomes meaningless. Not many people ACTUALLY want confrontation. Normies are cowards too they just have more support.

Let me tell you a little story of my freshman year of high school. I was 15 about 5'10" 155 lbs. there was a 6 foot tall 300 lb jock going in the opposite direction of traffic in the freshman hall with his 2 buff jock friends (both over 6 feet) laughing in tow. Me, coming from a history of violence, could see in his eyes that he was just playing some ego game for joy and that he wasn't a wolf --but he thought he was. I walked toward him as he bolldozed freshman left and right walking down the hall. He bumped into me and immediately I put my forearm on his throat and shoved him by his throat against a locker. I looked him right eyes wide eyed and full of bloodlust and told him "I will FUCKING KILL YOU" and held him there while his friends watched in shock until his mouth lowered and he said nothing. I let him go and kept walking.

Normies are cowards too. They just have more support. Nobody wants confrontation truly they just want to feed their ego and feel better about their insecurities by having power over you.

I don't recommend throwing blood lust around left and right that's a maladaptive behavior I have but my uncle taught me how to use it to attack peoples limbic systems. I would not take these kinds of actions if I wasn't ready to kill the person had he decided he would risk his life to take mine.

2nd edit: I want to elaborate more on the story. I again would not have done this if I wasn't confident that he was not looking for a confrontation. Many people looking for confrontation also exist and harass you and I do not engage with the type I deem a significant risk to my safety. For those that are dangerous I would more suggest learning how to highlight their behaviors to the people around you. As you become older the risk factor of dangerous people is higher but their population size also decreases however they tend to target vulnerable groups more.

 

[tomz323]

There is an thread on r/TTG about how life with Aspergers and autism is a curse. Let me know what your thoughts are on this.

I feel like its a curse, finding out I had aspergers killed all hope of the future.

 

[Irregularity]

I feel like its a curse, finding out I had aspergers killed all hope of the future.

why's that? I realized I was when I was 19 ish and it devastated me but playing it out in my life it just means people don't like me or work with my mind well and want to sabotage me but if you can become personable or skilled you can tell everyone to go fuck themselves.

 

[tomz323]

why's that? I realized I was when I was 19 ish and it devastated me but playing it out in my life it just means people don't like me or work with my mind well and want to sabotage me but if you can become personable or skilled you can tell everyone to go fuck themselves.

Ha, thanks. That's a better way of looking at it. I guess I just always wanted to be normal.

 

[Vegrau]

Normality are but a word. Depend on which year youre in. Societal rules can be very different across them all. Why bother yourself with other's view? Just live life the way you want. Know that even if you manage to fit in with the normal you will just be another normal amongst the billions. There's no guarantee they will like you, accept you or love you.

 

[not_a_robot]

It's a curse but I would never want to be NT. Their curse is worse.

 

[Dreamcolleger]

The Three Main Causes Of Early Death In Autism

The risk of early death in Autism is 2.5 times higher for people with autism spectrum disorder than for the rest of the population.

autismawarenesscentre.com

#1 cause of early death for high functioning is suicide. As far as I'm concerned I'm just doing what I'm told, and joining my brothers and sisters.

 

[azucaramargo]

The success stories are a real minority. They depend on a lot of things like the person's looks, do they have some kind of talent/skill, successful parents who are willing to provide a lot to their kid (latest phone, clothes, great parenting, etc), and of course being in the top 0.1% minority of people with autism. People that tick those kind of boxes can actually be quite successful, I've seen it, but it does depend on a lot of factors going your way which is rare. The minor Asperger's can even help in this setting by making you a more interesting person. It actually makes me feel pretty bad because I think I could had a good life if I had good parents instead of abusive ones. My parents even had good money, it's like I was so close!

Please don't give up on your pathway to success. I appreciate what you write; you make a convincing point that people with autism are not all brilliant, lovable savants whom society embraces. What I mean to say is, your post illustrates the plight of people with autism -- that "success" hinges on many intangibles.

I winced as I read your words of bitter regret: a) I could relate so well to these feelings of anguish; b) I just disagree so wholeheartedly with your assessment that your life is not good, or that you've missed out on irreplaceable opportunities. Your future has not been set in stone.

Your argument sounds very much like my own conversations with my shrink when I bitterly describe jobs for which I was passed over, universities to which I wasn't accepted. Boyfriends who slipped through (nay, RAN from) my fingers only to marry and start families with uninteresting, less objectionable women. This one job I had in China, for example. I spent hours writing cover letters, tweaking my CV, schlepping to interviews all over the city...

One of my colleagues was hired when she was SIGHTED at a job fair with her husband. The recruiters asked for HER contact info. They courted HER. They never even SAW her C.V. And, that kind of shite always makes me mad. Just like you, I regret advantages on which I can't hang my hat.

So, from one bitterness-prone person to another -- if I may -- let's not give up on ourselves, please. You are smart and observant and a good writer. Forgive me, but I think you're all the stronger for not having had the latest gadgets/trinkets, and I'm all the more fortunate not to be stuck operating within the stifling confines of a marriage. Just please let's not let those other f&ckers win. I know well the feeling of bitterness. And, I get FURIOUS when people refuse to acknowledge certain realities. But, from me to you: our future will be brighter and more rewarding all because of our grit and tenacity and AWARENESS of uneven playing fields; I promise you this. I can't stand to see you write, "It's like I was so close!"

I try to remind myself that when I start bemoaning advantages that other people have over me--I'm doing so because it's easier and less exhausting than actually rolling up my sleeves and chasing after what I want. I'm not criticizing you or anything. I want to elevate us both.

 

[Dreamcolleger]

Please don't give up on your pathway to success. I appreciate what you write; you make a convincing point that people with autism are not all brilliant, lovable savants whom society embraces. What I mean to say is, your post illustrates the plight of people with autism -- that "success" hinges on many intangibles.

I winced as I read your words of bitter regret: a) I could relate so well to these feelings of anguish; b) I just disagree so wholeheartedly with your assessment that your life is not good, or that you've missed out on irreplaceable opportunities. Your future has not been set in stone.

Your argument sounds very much like my own conversations with my shrink when I bitterly describe jobs for which I was passed over, universities to which I wasn't accepted. Boyfriends who slipped through (nay, RAN from) my fingers only to marry and start families with uninteresting, less objectionable women. This one job I had in China, for example. I spent hours writing cover letters, tweaking my CV, schlepping to interviews all over the city...

One of my colleagues was hired when she was SIGHTED at a job fair with her husband. The recruiters asked for HER contact info. They courted HER. They never even SAW her C.V. And, that kind of shite always makes me mad. Just like you, I regret advantages on which I can't hang my hat.

So, from one bitterness-prone person to another -- if I may -- let's not give up on ourselves, please. You are smart and observant and a good writer. Forgive me, but I think you're all the stronger for not having had the latest gadgets/trinkets, and I'm all the more fortunate not to be stuck operating within the stifling confines of a marriage. Just please let's not let those other f&ckers win. I know well the feeling of bitterness. And, I get FURIOUS when people refuse to acknowledge certain realities. But, from me to you: our future will be brighter and more rewarding all because of our grit and tenacity and AWARENESS of uneven playing fields; I promise you this. I can't stand to see you write, "It's like I was so close!"

I try to remind myself that when I start bemoaning advantages that other people have over me--I'm doing so because it's easier and less exhausting than actually rolling up my sleeves and chasing after what I want. I'm not criticizing you or anything. I want to elevate us both.

It was nice of you to put this much effort into a reply, but I have a lot of other problems too, there is no getting around them. If I manage to pull this off I am one of the bastards too, just one that was unfortunate.

I will tell you though I lost my teen years and that was really important to me. I went from BMXing and running up walls to spending all my teen birthdays alone and being riddled with totally avoidable health problems. Took me about 7 years of being in denial to realise it's all over

I do wish you well to rise above all the jerkoffs, maybe if AS was my only issue I might be able to. The best thing I can do it sit back and have a laugh about where I've ended up.