Can a mother truly love her child if she tells them to kill themselves?

[Pryras]

I'm 27 years old and my mother has been saying this for years. When I was little she would tell me to die but continue to provide for me 100% which confused me. Did this person love me and was just mentally ill? Why take care of someone in all ways besides emotionally if you hate them?

To this day she says the same things when she's mad. I still hold a sliver of empathy towards her in case she's saying this as a mentally unwell individual but I'm not so sure anymore.

Makes me want to leave everything behind. If you don't have your family or any self love what's the point of going on?

 

[death_bed221]

She is probably mentally ill. Or maybe she knows how painful this life is so she wants you to kill urself so u don't feel any pain. If she provides for you, it means she cares for u

 

[L'absent]

Hi, thanks for sharing your story, I imagine it wasn't easy to do so. What you are experiencing is really heavy, and I want to tell you right away that no one deserves to hear certain things, much less by a mother. From what you say, it sounds like your mother has some emotional or mental difficulties that are affecting her behavior. This might explain why he sometimes sends you such mixed signals, but it doesn't justify the pain he has caused you. It's important to understand that it's not your fault that she behaves this way. You don't have to endure or resolve their difficulties at the expense of your mental health. A warm hug

 

[hereornot]

My mother tried to kill me before I turned 1 year old. The love she showed from then on is completely false, whatever her reason, I am unwanted.

 

[DevonBostick'sAss]

My dad once told me to jump from a bridge and die. After this I've shown him how it hurt me and he then find out about my self harm scars. I'll never forget the face when he found out.

Parents all of them. Dont know what rhey are saying when they are mad. They are thought that this was normal. Their parents did the same and probably even worse things to them.

You cannot love if you dont know what love is.

I cant say i forgive him after all these years but he cant hug me tightly anymore. I cant hug him truly and he knows this. Our bond is way beyond ruined. If i forgive him I'll betray my younger self. If i dont forgive him i will be so sad. I want to forgive him i want to love him but its not easy. They dont know how hurtful their own words are.
You cant teach them new things/ they are used to it. Parents dont Change their thinking way often. They will say they understand but they probably dont.

Im sure she is not well. She was not loved as a kid. She is showing that she is trying to get to you by affording for you. She loves you but cant show it. She loves you but cant say it.. Everyone tells shit when they are mad. Even us. Think about it.
Go give her a hug or something and see how she reacts i think you'll know your answer then. I got mine by doing this.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

It depends I suppose. If their kid has told them that they want to die and the parents allow them to die with a relatively painless method like SN, I think that is true love. If their kid has shown that they don't want to die but their parents still tell them to kill themselves, that isn't love

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

My dad once told me to jump from a bridge and die. After this I've shown him how it hurt me and he then find out about my self harm scars. I'll never forget the face when he found out.

Parents all of them. Dont know what rhey are saying when they are mad. They are thought that this was normal. Their parents did the same and probably even worse things to them.

You cannot love if you dont know what love is.

I cant say i forgive him after all these years but he cant hug me tightly anymore. I cant hug him truly and he knows this. Our bond is way beyond ruined. If i forgive him I'll betray my younger self. If i dont forgive him i will be so sad. I want to forgive him i want to love him but its not easy. They dont know how hurtful their own words are.
You cant teach them new things/ they are used to it. Parents dont Change their thinking way often. They will say they understand but they probably dont.

Im sure she is not well. She was not loved as a kid. She is showing that she is trying to get to you by affording for you. She loves you but cant show it. She loves you but cant say it.. Everyone tells shit when they are mad. Even us. Think about it.
Go give her a hug or something and see how she reacts i think you'll know your answer then. I got mine by doing this.

This is why I don't want to be a parent, because in this world, evil changes you and people loose themselves due to upbringing and false concepts of what is deemed normal and necessary and that's one of the most hurtful and most straggering feelings anyone should ever go through because then, how do you both show love to each other without it needing to be from an aspect of how one thought to show love with you now being conflicted and confused. If mother learned to love, they will wither into the world if they are alone unless they are strong, and they'll hurt both ways, and if a father, he will do everything diligently right but he will feel alone and have no true help while needing to take on too roles and if not, he has to be strong and this false tough man of greed who withers a child, and both plays a role on why being a parent in this world isn't one that should happen as there is no peace, only chaos, and only hurt as the parent and child will both suffer and the child will always recognize that flaw as normal or grow up to be the flaw or see through it or completely isolate form it, like me, and it hurts quite so much….

I'm so sorry you went through that

 

[HelloDarkness25]

Your mother most likely has some form of mental illness. I am sorry you have to deal with it, it's very wrong and extremely hurtful to say that to a child.

 

[Manic Panic]

As soon as I came out as trans my mother lost all respect for me and told me that I was a mistake and she wouldn't mind if I died.
I'm glad I haven't seen her in 7 years.

 

[Cherry Crumpet]

I'm 27 years old and my mother has been saying this for years. When I was little she would tell me to die but continue to provide for me 100% which confused me. Did this person love me and was just mentally ill? Why take care of someone in all ways besides emotionally if you hate them?

To this day she says the same things when she's mad. I still hold a sliver of empathy towards her in case she's saying this as a mentally unwell individual but I'm not so sure anymore.

Makes me want to leave everything behind. If you don't have your family or any self love what's the point of going on?

Your mother is a narcissist and has serious issues. No parent should ever tell their child to kill themselves. That's really messed up. If they do, that's emotional/psychological abuse. Your mother is sick. I mean this in the literal sense. There is something wrong with her.

I thought at first you meant a spur of hte moment thing. Like something blurted out when she was blackout drunk. In that case, it's still extremely horrible but thinks are more gray than black and white. I know from first hand experience.. though my mom wasn't nearly as bad. My mom was passed out on the floor of my apartment. I remember stepping over her while trying to get ready for work. She looked up and me and said 'Fuck You'. She has no recollection of this event, but she knows it happened and she feels mortified and horrible about what she said to me. She also swore off drinking and has been sober for six years. (when she got drunk, it was due to a super traumatic event both of us went through). Your mom didn't say what she said in the spur of the moment. Or when she was impaired. Even if she was impaired, she said it multiple times. There's a huge difference.

You have every right to cut toxic people out of your life. Someone being related to you does NOT give them the right to be part of your life. I know it's hard to swallow when society conditions us to be grateful to our parents. But, you absolutely can (and IMO should) cut her out of your life.

Self love is hard as hell. Hell, most of hte time I'd say I'm in a state of self loathing. I wish I could help you more there.. but I will say, I have animals and they bring me so much joy and give meaning to my life. I have a cat and birds (not in same room lol).

just a thought - but maybe local support groups could help you a little bit. i joined one.. and i related a lot to the ppl there. many of them were broken like i was.

sorry, this kinda turned into a rambly mess. i hope soemthing might have helped.. it won't change the situation, but try to just be in teh present moment for now. fix yourself something you enjoy like hot chocoa or tea and tell yourself you have permission to just exist in that moment. sorry that's corny as hell and sounds like shit some self help person would say.. but doing that does make me feel better..