Came here for advice on how to off myself, through this forum i found out i have bipolar, got treatment, i'm not suicidal anymore

[ishouldntusemyname]

The title, essentially. I had depression for most of my life due to a series of awful and traumatizing shit. I don't want to bore you with the details. It's long and nasty.

I came here to find help on how to kill myself, because the common silly tropes like cutting and swallowing a bunch of pills obviously never worked. I found some pretty good advice. However, it took me a while to find out how and where to get what i needed, so i decided to browse the recovery forum.

Which brings me to the point of my post, someone made a post saying SSRIs make bipolar worse, and then i looked into it and realized it's probably what pushed me over the edge (what made me make up my mind about killing myself and getting to the point of literally a complete inability to function). Misdiagnosis and mistreatment. Went to a new doctor, got a proper diagnosis, got new meds.

I've been taking antipsychotics for a few weeks now and it's unbelievable. I went from laying on the floor while screaming and/or crying 24/7, and literally not being able to do anything at all, to actually starting to work again, i can talk to people, i can go out (despite my agoraphobia) alone. I'm not saying i miraculously got completely well, i still have depressive episodes and want to die sometimes, BUT. It's a lot more rare and it actually goes away after a while and i can kind of function again.

So all in all... this is both a thank you post, and a don't fucking give up post. There's solutions. You may think there aren't but then you find it in the least likely place. And that's coming from an obsessive pessimist.

Good luck guys, and thank you. You saved my life.

 

[timf]

Congratulations, and thanks for the encouragement and follow up information. It is real helpful to hear about what works and what doesn't work.

 

[BetweenRadioStations]

Thank you!
You just made my day :)

 

[Marktheghost]

Good to hear!

 

[wait.what]

I'm really glad things are working out for you! That's great to hear.

Edited--realized this was the recovery forum. D'oh!

 

[netrezven]

i too got here to review some ways. Mine should have been a terrible idea. in time find out about bipolar too. Mostly i loved my mania, but hated to waste it living like regular family life. It was complete torture. Depression - ...well i also have dissociative disorder so don't remember that much now. Had some pshyhos stuff too. Once it was about to end fatal, i'm glad about my ptsd as i was able to fix the 1:1000000 propability problem, that was really about to happen. I'm so lucky about that day, really.
No meds. In time i realised that there is no option for suicide when we talk about my familys future. So it was like the perfect prison some times and like taking high risk high reward desigions.
Now almost an year outside of my business i actually live like the regular family getting fatter and sicker and boring, stupid, lazy, no friends, no party guy. All the mania goes into making money and having fun while making it, and eating bad food and sugger at home to supress it.

 

[Chancerator]

Love this. ;) Keep on keepin' on.

 

[Lauralyn]

Grats I worry about people not trying meds or therapy. A lot of people probably think I'm antipsychiatry but I'm not just critical of a lot of things about it. I think suicide rates are higher where there's stigma about mental illness and therefore less people getting treatment that need it.

 

[Flippy]

The title, essentially. I had depression for most of my life due to a series of awful and traumatizing shit. I don't want to bore you with the details. It's long and nasty.

I came here to find help on how to kill myself, because the common silly tropes like cutting and swallowing a bunch of pills obviously never worked. I found some pretty good advice. However, it took me a while to find out how and where to get what i needed, so i decided to browse the recovery forum.

Which brings me to the point of my post, someone made a post saying SSRIs make bipolar worse, and then i looked into it and realized it's probably what pushed me over the edge (what made me make up my mind about killing myself and getting to the point of literally a complete inability to function). Misdiagnosis and mistreatment. Went to a new doctor, got a proper diagnosis, got new meds.

I've been taking antipsychotics for a few weeks now and it's unbelievable. I went from laying on the floor while screaming and/or crying 24/7, and literally not being able to do anything at all, to actually starting to work again, i can talk to people, i can go out (despite my agoraphobia) alone. I'm not saying i miraculously got completely well, i still have depressive episodes and want to die sometimes, BUT. It's a lot more rare and it actually goes away after a while and i can kind of function again.

So all in all... this is both a thank you post, and a don't fucking give up post. There's solutions. You may think there aren't but then you find it in the least likely place. And that's coming from an obsessive pessimist.

Good luck guys, and thank you. You saved my life.

I just read this and I'm so glad for you! :-) When I was first taken off the SSRI when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder it was amazing the difference that the antipsychotic meds made! I really began to notice the difference and see what life could be. So I'm really happy for you (and perhaps a little envious lol!) as I remember being in your shoes and what a difference it can make.

Sure I had a few little ups and downs, but for a solid 5-6 years...boy it was so wonderful to have more consistent moods! So make the most of it, is what I say! If you are feeling anything like I did, you are probably starting to see the possibilities out there more and your horizons broadening!

The best advice I can give from my more recent experience is; don't, if SSRIs make you worse, ever, let anyone persuade you to take them again. I made the mistake of compromising and I think it's made me mostly depressed again and caused nerve shattering anxiety. Always, if you feel like the symptoms are returning significantly again, insist that your care providers work with you to manage them on your terms!

I wish you the very, very, best of luck in your recovery and I hope that things will just keep getting better for you! :-)

 

[TobyPadres]

That is such a fab post, wishing you continued sucsess and happiness

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm pleased that things got better for you. I wish you the best.

 

[mentalhealthfighter]

Glad that you got better. But how do antipsychotics help with bipolar depression? I get how they stop manic episodes but ive never heard such a thing that they fix depression. I take lithium for my bipolar but I havent experienced any benefits for my depression.

 

[Flippy]

Glad that you got better. But how do antipsychotics help with bipolar depression? I get how they stop manic episodes but ive never heard such a thing that they fix depression. I take lithium for my bipolar but I havent experienced any benefits for my depression.

They function as a mood stabilizer and the anti psychotic function is also beneficial for preventing psychosis. I'm taking an antipsychotic known as quetiapine for bipolar. It worked really well with only one quite bad episode of depression after 5 years. I've had very little issues with hallucinations up until the last few years. I suspect quetiapine may now be not doing my body much good and not managing my symptoms.

I've never liked the prospect of being on lithium for several reasons I've posted about elsewhere. The alternative antipsychotic meds look to me like less effective "versions" of quetiapine. Whilst I would love to give them a chance, I don't want to risk them throwing me back to two years ago. They just aren't worth the risk right now for me.

So OP may have chosen an antipsychotic as they are considered to be the first choice these days by doctors. Lithium by comparison is "higher maintenance" too and can become toxic if the dose isn't just right . Thats why I picked quetiapine, mostly anyway. Though i think lithium is a more "sure fire" way to treat bipolar, its got a lot of drawbacks, and there is more of a move towards avoiding it, if the symptoms can be managed by antipsychotic meds.

 

[AwaySeaweed]

I've heard that antipsychotics slow you down and make you low energy though.

 

[Flippy]

I've heard that antipsychotics slow you down and make you low energy though.

That's what some people say happens to them. I've known people who take lithium and they have had a similar experience. When I first started quetiapine I found it made me sluggish in the morning and a bit ratty in the afternoon. They switched me to the extended release and upped the dose to 300mg and boy that was the magic combination! I was actually full of energy, sort of often like I was hyper but without the wonky thinking and head full of noise. I would give almost anything (almost because I would never give away my cat) to be like that again. Now I'm the opposite, mostly depressed and rarely high :-( It has to be said though, I'm a damn site better than I was when they put me on SSRIs again, it was like having turbo charged depression and anxiety! Absolutely awful! :-(

 

[Pure]

I'm glad life is looking up for you

 

[existtosuffer]

I came here with the same intentions too. Nice to hear it's working for you. I'm still struggling to find a Med combo that works. I suffer with Bipolar type 2.

The Quetiapine & Mirtazapine I'm currently on don't seem to stop my suicidal ideation. It stops my mixed hypomanic cycles, but it doesn't motivate me to get my life back on track.

 

[stellabelle]

The title, essentially. I had depression for most of my life due to a series of awful and traumatizing shit. I don't want to bore you with the details. It's long and nasty.

I came here to find help on how to kill myself, because the common silly tropes like cutting and swallowing a bunch of pills obviously never worked. I found some pretty good advice. However, it took me a while to find out how and where to get what i needed, so i decided to browse the recovery forum.

Which brings me to the point of my post, someone made a post saying SSRIs make bipolar worse, and then i looked into it and realized it's probably what pushed me over the edge (what made me make up my mind about killing myself and getting to the point of literally a complete inability to function). Misdiagnosis and mistreatment. Went to a new doctor, got a proper diagnosis, got new meds.

I've been taking antipsychotics for a few weeks now and it's unbelievable. I went from laying on the floor while screaming and/or crying 24/7, and literally not being able to do anything at all, to actually starting to work again, i can talk to people, i can go out (despite my agoraphobia) alone. I'm not saying i miraculously got completely well, i still have depressive episodes and want to die sometimes, BUT. It's a lot more rare and it actually goes away after a while and i can kind of function again.

So all in all... this is both a thank you post, and a don't fucking give up post. There's solutions. You may think there aren't but then you find it in the least likely place. And that's coming from an obsessive pessimist.

Good luck guys, and thank you. You saved my life.

That's really cool. I'm glad you were able to get on with life and feel positive about it.

 

[tiredplant777]

Wow I'm so happy for you! I hope things stay positive, you seriously deserve it. Thank you so much for this message.