Story Calmness before atttempt?

[Hateyouprolife]

Has anyone actually felt good and relaxed days before attempt?

So I made choice few days before actually attempting to ctb. Once I started to gathering resources, I felt really calm and happy. Only felt anxiety when there was danger to my plan. Did this indicate that I was completely ready?

Anyway here is short story about attempt itself. In the morning of attempt, I took car keys and went outside. (Car was from 1995) I was driving to the location. Before last curve switched to 4th gear and began accelerating. By the end of straight road my speed was 180kmh! But, then it felt suddenly so scary. I feared pain before crash. I somehow managed to take curve and speed again.

Max speed was 190, but now there were no trees, it felt way too risky. After 2 more attempts I drove back to home, glad to be alive.

THIS WAS A LIE! After 2h happiness was gone! SI tricked me into believing that I want to live. Dont reccomend this method as it requires a lot of willpower to crash deliberstely.

 

[Paulamera]

I've been feeling like that too, I have just experienced the joy that is allowing your face to touch the pillow at night, for example. I guess my fear of the future is what has been putting me down the most lately, so the thought of solving that and enjoying everything else as much as I like felt great.
I'm not sure there is such thing as being completely ready, it's perfectly normal. Existing is all you know and willfully giving that away + the possibility of pain often makes me wish to fail, deep down.
Anyways, good luck! I need some too, I've been trying for over four hours now and nothing lmao

 

[AnonymousS]

Has anyone actually felt good and relaxed days before attempt?

So I made choice few days before actually attempting to ctb. Once I started to gathering resources, I felt really calm and happy. Only felt anxiety when there was danger to my plan. Did this indicate that I was completely ready?

Anyway here is short story about attempt itself. In the morning of attempt, I took car keys and went outside. (Car was from 1995) I was driving to the location. Before last curve switched to 4th gear and began accelerating. By the end of straight road my speed was 180kmh! But, then it felt suddenly so scary. I feared pain before crash. I somehow managed to take curve and speed again.

Max speed was 190, but now there were no trees, it felt way too risky. After 2 more attempts I drove back to home, glad to be alive.

THIS WAS A LIE! After 2h happiness was gone! SI tricked me into believing that I want to live. Dont reccomend this method as it requires a lot of willpower to crash deliberstely.

Yes i once took an overdose of Oxycodone when i had it prescribed as i had chronic pain at the time. I planned it on the weekend as i lived in supported housing. I took my anti-emetics, took everything i needed. I went to my bedroom, shut the door and lay down. I felt incredibly relaxed, i felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. No fear whatsoever, sadly i must have built up a tolerance to opioid meds. However it was a lovely feeling, thinking this is it, it's all taken care of.

 

[FuneralCry]

Suicide is difficult as we are programmed to survive. I do not think it will be possible for me to be calm as I believe I will need to reach a point of desperation and hopelessness to be able to overcome the SI. Maybe if there was an peaceful exit available for me I would feel calm about it. There is also fears of failing the method. I hope you find peace.

 

[AnonymousS]

Suicide is difficult as we are programmed to survive. I do not think it will be possible for me to be calm as I believe I will need to reach a point of desperation and hopelessness to be able to overcome the SI. Maybe if there was an peaceful exit available for me I would feel calm about it. There is also fears of failing the method. I hope you find peace.

Thank you, i appreciate it. It is an extremely difficult task as you say. I hope in years to come people can have a choice, and be treated with a respectful attitude about this subject. Society just reacts in most countries with knee-jerk reactions.

 

[Hateyouprolife]

Thank you, i appreciate it. It is an extremely difficult task as you say. I hope in years to come people can have a choice, and be treated with a respectful attitude about this subject. Society just reacts in most countries with knee-jerk reactions.

I literally hate society now. If I hear someone saying how suicide is not an option, it really infuriates me. Of course it is. Cant you just imagine that not everyone is happy like you? And if someone were to stop me then dont be surprised if I attack you physically!

 

[AnonymousS]

I literally hate society now. If I hear someone saying how suicide is not an option, it really infuriates me. Of course it is. Cant you just imagine that not everyone is happy like you? And if someone were to stop me then dont be surprised if I attack you physically!

Exactly, we are not all blessed with good health and fulfilling lives. It's our right as a thinking being.

 

[Dot]

Has anyone actually felt good and relaxed days before attempt?

So I made choice few days before actually attempting to ctb. Once I started to gathering resources, I felt really calm and happy. Only felt anxiety when there was danger to my plan. Did this indicate that I was completely ready?

Anyway here is short story about attempt itself. In the morning of attempt, I took car keys and went outside. (Car was from 1995) I was driving to the location. Before last curve switched to 4th gear and began accelerating. By the end of straight road my speed was 180kmh! But, then it felt suddenly so scary. I feared pain before crash. I somehow managed to take curve and speed again.

Max speed was 190, but now there were no trees, it felt way too risky. After 2 more attempts I drove back to home, glad to be alive.

THIS WAS A LIE! After 2h happiness was gone! SI tricked me into believing that I want to live. Dont reccomend this method as it requires a lot of willpower to crash deliberstely.

Think for some calmness comes from feeling in control of situation rather than idea demise itself.

Frustrating how fear changes perception of things in general.

 

[AnonymousS]

Think for some calmness comes from feeling in control of situation rather than idea demise itself.

Frustrating how fear changes perception of things in general.

Yes, a very good point. Virtually the only thing we may be able to control for some.

 

[nerve]

I haven't actually attempted but there's definitely this warm fuzzy feeling I get when I think about ending my life and exiting my body and never again having to be in pain. When I'm having panic attacks or freaking out over something dumb, a weird little "it's okay because you'll be dead soon!" pep talk honestly helps more than anything else I can think of. Sometimes I'll just google 'sodium nitrite' and look at the shopping results and it relaxes me.

 

[AnonymousS]

I haven't actually attempted but there's definitely this warm fuzzy feeling I get when I think about ending my life and exiting my body and never again having to be in pain. When I'm having panic attacks or freaking out over something dumb, a weird little "it's okay because you'll be dead soon!" pep talk honestly helps more than anything else I can think of. Sometimes I'll just google 'sodium nitrite' and look at the shopping results and it relaxes me.

Yes it's a comforting thought, knowing we can escape all the pain.

 

[Hateyouprolife]

Think for some calmness comes from feeling in control of situation rather than idea demise itself.

Frustrating how fear changes perception of things in general.

Thats right, this good feeling from being in control. But it feels really awesome if plan goes well from start to you know that soon enough you dont have to deal with any of it.

 

[toforigivelife]

Has anyone actually felt good and relaxed days before attempt?

So I made choice few days before actually attempting to ctb. Once I started to gathering resources, I felt really calm and happy. Only felt anxiety when there was danger to my plan. Did this indicate that I was completely ready?

Anyway here is short story about attempt itself. In the morning of attempt, I took car keys and went outside. (Car was from 1995) I was driving to the location. Before last curve switched to 4th gear and began accelerating. By the end of straight road my speed was 180kmh! But, then it felt suddenly so scary. I feared pain before crash. I somehow managed to take curve and speed again.

Max speed was 190, but now there were no trees, it felt way too risky. After 2 more attempts I drove back to home, glad to be alive.

THIS WAS A LIE! After 2h happiness was gone! SI tricked me into believing that I want to live. Dont reccomend this method as it requires a lot of willpower to crash deliberstely.

Once they've made a decision to go through with their plans suicidal people often, not always, but in many cases, feel as though a weight has been lifted off of them, a sense of relief.

 

[Esc9434]

I plan to be calm and stoic. The thought of my ctb makes me happy to be honest. I'm doing SN.

 

[Versailles]

There are moments when thinking about CTB fills me with calm, and others where the idea of CTB terrifies me, this is directly related to the circumstances that I am going through at that moment, so it is only a matter of finding those moments where I feel calm and tranquility. How to listen to this kind of music, which I will use when CTB

 

[Originaldon]

A car crash is a method done out of desperation and determination. You won't be able to do it if you don't feel this.

 

[Hateyouprolife]

A car crash is a method done out of desperation and determination. You won't be able to do it if you don't feel this.

Trust me, I was really determined. I prepared 3 days before for this. At this speed and wo seatbelt it would have been sure way to go, but I fear of pain scared me.

 

[needingpeace24]

Tomorrow is my last day and I've been completely relaxed and feel clear headed. Woke up this morning in a great mood feeling like my old self. Unfortunately I know these feelings wouldn't last if I stuck around. Who knows how I'll feel waking up tomorrow knowing it's the last time, but these last few days have sure been interesting.

 

[Hateyouprolife]

Tomorrow is my last day and I've been completely relaxed and feel clear headed. Woke up this morning in a great mood feeling like my old self. Unfortunately I know these feelings wouldn't last if I stuck around. Who knows how I'll feel waking up tomorrow knowing it's the last time, but these last few days have sure been interesting.

Had really similar feelings. Felt good expect anxiety of failing, but felt good for 2 hours. After that it was same shit.

Wish you a good luck finding peace!

 

[AnonymousS]

Tomorrow is my last day and I've been completely relaxed and feel clear headed. Woke up this morning in a great mood feeling like my old self. Unfortunately I know these feelings wouldn't last if I stuck around. Who knows how I'll feel waking up tomorrow knowing it's the last time, but these last few days have sure been interesting.

Well i wish you peace regardless of what happens. Life is capable of such beauty yet such cruelty too.