Venting Call From My Mom

[FauxEmotions]

She has no idea (of course) of my plans to ctb but she does know of this weird thing that happens when I drink where I get insane chest pains, enough to really just leave me soaking in a warm tub. Anyway, I told her I went to the casino last night and drank, she kept telling me to be careful because she doesn't want me to die, she doesn't want to bury me early. I couldn't help but scream in my head but I want to die, I'm going to hang myself. Mom, I'm going to die.


And it tore me to pieces. She weirdly knows what's going on in my head without even mentioning anything. I don't talk to her much because I get weird anxiety to talk on the phone even to my mother.... I can't put that misery on her, I don't want her to bury her son, but all I want is death.

 

[Carma]

I did stop talking to my parents more than 2 months ago and I feel better, they don't own us, can you imagine a world where somebody else choose your life partner for you, forever, and you can't divorce? And that they brainwash you to think that it would be selfish to be on your own without your imposed partner, to only think that 'they would cry'?

My parents left a package in my door (they know where I live) saying 'we love you a lot'... sure, you 'love me', but you sent me every morning to an office job, for 40 years, before having forced me for another 16 years, a lifetime of sleep depravation and no freedom.

I don't like that anybody suffers, but there are levels of responsibility, and if somebody has to suffer, then it should be the ones responsible, selfish, and who already got lots of joy for having it's baby/puppet as their toy for years.

 

[FauxEmotions]

I did stop talking to my parents more than 2 months ago and I feel better, they don't own us, can you imagine a world where somebody else choose your life partner for you, forever, and you can't divorce? And that they brainwash you to think that it would be selfish to be on your own without your imposed partner, to only think that 'they would cry'?

My parents left a package in my door (they know where I live) saying 'we love you a lot'... sure, you 'love me', but you sent me every morning to an office job, for 40 years, before having forced me for another 16 years, a lifetime of sleep depravation and no freedom.

I don't like that anybody suffers, but there are levels of responsibility, and if somebody has to suffer, then it should be the ones responsible, selfish, and who already got lots of joy for having it's baby/puppet as their toy for years.

I agree with you. It's incredibly disgusting how I hear some parents treat their offspring. My mother, I don't know how to say this without being mean, is a ignorant person to so much in the world. She didn't graduate and grew up in the ghetto. Her heart is pure and only want what's best for her children as she never had much and neither did we (she was single early in my life and on social security). She never mistreated me or my siblings, in fact she made insane sacrifices. It just pains me her version of happiness for me is getting a partner and kids, living in a big house and being "happy" the stereotypical poor person's idea of the "American dream" I made hints that's not what I want and i can tell it pains her. I'm just... idk, I've always felt like I don't even exist. Like I don't remember much of anything passed a couple of years ago. I am just here. And now I want out. I've had a good run, definitely light years better than I imagined. I'm just not needed on this planet anymore as a living body.

 

[Carma]

Her heart is pure and only want what's best for her children as she never had much and neither did we (she was single early in my life and on social security). She never mistreated me or my siblings, in fact she made insane sacrifices.

Maybe, but you are the sum of all your experiences, memories and specially, the subconscious, you are biologically programmed to see your mother as good, you appear here weak and crying and she gave you food, milk, she put you in this vulnerable position though, but once here she minimized a bit the pain, the cold, the hunger, and your body is programmed to survive, and there were more chances of that if you 'look good and smile' to your mother, because that's what she wants, if you obeyed she would not become angry, so you get used to an automatic way of thinking and seeing things that is not neutral, impartial, 'just' or 'the truth' but just the more convenient for 'the program' (nature, the body, the survival of the species).

TLDR; We are highly biased by biology to see our mother as 'good'.

 

[Olach]

I agree with you. It's incredibly disgusting how I hear some parents treat their offspring. My mother, I don't know how to say this without being mean, is a ignorant person to so much in the world. She didn't graduate and grew up in the ghetto. Her heart is pure and only want what's best for her children as she never had much and neither did we (she was single early in my life and on social security). She never mistreated me or my siblings, in fact she made insane sacrifices. It just pains me her version of happiness for me is getting a partner and kids, living in a big house and being "happy" the stereotypical poor person's idea of the "American dream" I made hints that's not what I want and i can tell it pains her. I'm just... idk, I've always felt like I don't even exist. Like I don't remember much of anything passed a couple of years ago. I am just here. And now I want out. I've had a good run, definitely light years better than I imagined. I'm just not needed on this planet anymore as a living body.

Do you live alone ? In any case, you shouldn't take your mother's words too close to your heart.
Instead try to realise your version of a perfect life. Try to realise your dreams and your potential clients n life.
Your potential in life

 

[FauxEmotions]

Thank you all. I live with a roommate who has been my good friend for like 15 years almost