Venting burned bridges and now I feel suicidal

[birthdaylastwish]

Professionally, I am not a bad person. I work good, fast, efficient, but during a rage induced state, I sabotaged stuff in my job on purpose, that action fucked my friends over. I burned bridges with people that I really admired, they are very angry and disappointed in me.

I feel very suicidal now. I spent a whole year fighting this urge. Now I feel like killing myself. The guilt of making a mistake is one thing, but the guilt of disappointing someone I like is unbearable. I feel like killing myself.

I have a job interview tomorrow, and all my confidence went down the drain because of what just happened. There is no way for me to fix this, is there?

I am I doomed to make this mistake over and over again? This keeps happening, my rage always fucks me over. I wish I could just erase the mistake that I did, but I can't.
I want to apologize, but they might not give me the chance.

 

[scordatura]

On the same boat, struggling with this too, I feel so compulsive

 

[neurotic]

Whenever that feeling begins to overwhelm you next time, you'll remember that moment and be given a second chance. That happened to me, a lost a really, really good thing because I acted out at work. You can do better next time.