Briefly list all the problems that have led you here.

[curiouskitty]

I was born. That's were all my problems started.

Wish my mum opted for an abortion, like she did to her pregnancies after me.

I don't really enjoy life, mostly because for 90% of my life, I have not consented to the things that were forced upon me - going to a school which probably gave me CPTSD, famillial expectations of greatness just because I seem smarter than I actually am, being stuck in a loop of wanting to become educated but having to pay money for which I need to get a high education etc etc etc.

But hey, that's just me.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Some of these things I have already talked about in another post, so sorry if I sound like a broken record. Anyhow here it goes:

1. Lack of meaning.
2. Lack of purpose.
3. Lack of self-worth.
4. Social isolation.
5. Social rejection.
6. Unable to fit in with others.
7. Unable to fit in with society in general.
8. Feeling unwanted and unwelcome (ties in with 4, 5, 6 and 7).
9. Being taken advantage of - I'm only wanted when I am needed.
10. Abuse.
11. Bullying (could be considered abuse?)
12. A dislike of how society is - too much competition, mean spiritedness and obsession with "success".
13. Being left behind.
14. Self-loathing.
15. My age.
16. Missed out on a lot; trying to play catch-up.
17. Social rules - can't express how we really feel without being punished.
18. Hypocrisy - the world "owes us nothing", but apparently we are obligated to stay in "it".
19. Difficulty finding somewhere cheap to live.
20. Difficulty finding genuine friends - too many relationships have been superficial.
21. Feeling inadequate - can never seem to please others.

Basically if I could sum up my reasons (and some I haven't mentioned) in 1 word: Life.

 

[WaitForSleep]

Uh, for personal venting I won't be as brief as maybe op hoped.

- dad left because I was born and he sold everything including my crib and my older brother's crib when he abandoned us.
- Mom and brother recognized I was the cause of the new terrible life we all have... so regularly being told I'm a mistake and should've been aborted since as young as I could remember.
- Mom picked a monster as her new husband (among many other monsters that did many bad things, but for brevity sake I'll limit it to him)
- monster of a step dad raped and beat me regularly & sent Mom to icu on a few occasions, killed any pet my mom would bring home, beat my brother senseless.
- of course monster made brother violent and suicidal. He tried to kill me on a few occasions and tried to kill himself...

So far I'm not even ten yet...

Toss in the best friend that died of cancer in elementary, the best friend that successfully committed suicide in middle school with me as her reason, the coworker that raped my 15 year old self at the hospice care center where I washed dishes in literally baggy giant scrubs after school... toss in the suicidal friends I've met because I'm "the only one that understands them" (so they tell me) and all the shitty lives others have lived... toss in hearing when my mom slit her wrists and when I was diagnosed with in incurable medical condition of a failing bladder and urethra that'll in ***best case scenario*** end up with me carrying my colostomy bag for the rest of my life... which maybe wouldn't even be so bad if I didn't have to step up as my mom and brothers caretaker (military returned him disabled for life)...


Fuck this life.

Just to touch on the death of your pet rabbit - it totally doesn't sound lame and with absent parents it could be seen as devastating as losing a parent, imo. Fully valid and understandable. I'm very sorry to hear the way the world treated you when you deserve more.

Thank you very much for your kind words, it does mean quite a bit to me. I'm terribly sorry to hear of the horrific things you've experienced in your life, especially from starting at such a young age...no one should have to go through that at all.

That is not lame, I had my pet rabbit for 7 & a half years before he got sick & we had to put him down.. hardest thing I've ever had to do. He was better than any human friend.

Thank you, I'm so sorry to hear that you've went through that painful experience as well. I know putting my bun down was the humane thing to do to alleviate her suffering, but that kind of decision is very difficult to make.

 

[Random_guy2]

-spent my early twenties in hopes of good future which is shaterred now

-battled anxiety, now I battle other mental illness

-unable to relate with other people, awkward

-used to be really fit, now fat

-no meaningful social relationships

-if i died only a few people would care

That's some of the reasons. If I thought longer then I would had come up with more reasons.

 

[ByeByeBaby]

Some would be:
-I'm an idiot. I'm too stupid to get a worthwhile career or be productive in any way.
-I've done shitty things to people in the past
-I'm abnormal
-I have an amazing boyfriend who deserves so much better than someone worthless like me
-My mother's life would be much easier without me in it
-Heavy depression
-Everyone else is starting families, living fulfilling lives, being productive, ect. While I have nothing to show for my life.
-When things get stressful I sometimes mentally regress to the scared kid I used to be and start babbling and crying uncontrollably like a child
-No one is better off having known me
-I ruin everything I touch

There's much more but those are some of the first things that come to mind. In no particular order.

 

[restingspot]

• Untreated gender dysphoria (by choice)
• Emotionally abusive parent, constant from day 1, and has veered into physical abuse
• Dependent on said parent
• Dysfunctional family
• Unattractive
• Sex-repulsed, can't have a normal relationship (re: gender dysphoria)
• (Ir)rational fear of bedbugs to the point where I don't want to date (lmao) or marry (lmao) anybody unless they've had previous experience(s) with them and who understands why I'm terrified of them and also wants to share extremely minimalistic/off the grid lifestyle.
• Realizing that I'll always be alone and that nobody wants me unless they need a token minority for woke points.
• General distrust of strangers, which would make needing a roommate (in the fantasy of independency) difficult.

 

[clocktower]

- autism, no life experience, no talents, skills or hobbies
- seeing traumatising things on the internet at age 8 minimum
- bullied to the point of dropping out of school at age 14, watching my closest friends drop like flies and forget i exist
- never being able to integrate back into society therefore becoming a shut in for a decade till now
- severe social anxiety, agoraphobia and depression
- developing severe ocd the second i want to get my life together
- finally find meds that help with the horrific intrusive thoughts only for them to make me irritated and exhausted every second of every day - making me feel subhuman

 

[BRAINWORMS]

• Horrible, unpredictable OCD episodes
• Depersonalization/derealization that makes it so even when I seek my usual comforts, nothing feels familiar or safe
• Depression & anxiety combo
• Very little life experience, especially in terms of love
• Perfectionism
• Feeling untethered from life since I originally planned to CTB before I turned 20 (I'm 23 now). Everything since has been a feeling of "okay, what do I do now?"
• Avoidant personality
• Being an only child. Although my parents are wonderful, I feel like there's way too much riding on a person who's as deeply flawed as I am.

Edit: Also, isolation.

 

[Lost1804]

Suicide of my daughter.

 

[Mitokondrium]

Severe childhood abuse. I am pretty sure everything started there.

 

[Eren]

1.- Social isolation, I don't fit in with others, I can't normally socialize with others. A great feeling of loneliness. I probably have autism. I don't know if it's due to autism, but sometimes I say things that I shouldn't say, and that makes people end up hating me, without me knowing what happened.

2.- Sexual frustration, certain sexual problems that make it difficult for me to have a partner, further increasing my feeling of loneliness.

3.- Severe insomnia for years.

4.- Important mobility problems in my hands, I suffer pain and deformation.

5.- Low iq and/or extreme difficulty concentrating, this affects all areas in my life, especially work, where I feel really frustrated.

Of the entire list, what bothers me most is loneliness, the inability to have friends or have a partner. I cannot bear loneliness.

Insomnia is horrible, and it's still not what bothers me the most.

 

[GonnaGoBye]

Depression
Anxiety
Bpd
Ptsd
Breakup trauma
Really negative and bad mental state
Hindrance to all.
Insecurities

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

Epilepsy. Everything hinges on that.
I realized what my mistakes were in school as a youngster, I tried fixing that and... Bam.
I'm trapped in this body and can't do a single thing to fix it.
What's more, I see ableds bitch at how bored they are and... Oh god, I can't even put it to words! Just hatred. Hatred towards about 90% of the human race regardless of sex, religion, gender, whatever other pitiful lables snowflakes attach to themselves to feel special and unique.
It's a combination of disability and realization of just what the human race is and has become, and not being able to do a damn thing about it.

 

[Intheo]

Probably chemically unbalanced since childhood
Possible PTSD as a toddler from witnessing something horrible
Emotional and physical abuse as a child
No real skills
No career prospect
Little money
Useless as a person

 

[ravergirl]

Childhood abuse, including sexual abuse. There are pictures and videos of my abuse on the darkweb, so I live my life wondering who has seen it.
Borderline Personality Disorder
Highschool drop-out, drug addict, no chance of a career.
Currently an exotic dancer, but that won't last forever. Beauty is fleeting. And so is my life...

 

[Cedi]

1. AVPD

That's it lol that's the list. All of my issues are encompassed by that

hi, according to my psychologists I have that too. I am not really convinced. I find most people difficult and unpredictable so I avoid humans as much as possible. I don't see it as a personality disorder. They used to diagnosed me with social anxiety now with AVPD. I don't know if I am misdiagnosed. So what are all your issues that encompassed by that?

 

[Jeff_The_Cursed]

Being forced to put up with crappy and thoroughly annoying people, told that they were the good guys.

Economic, verbal, physical and mental abuse.

A situation very much like my own.

My mother had diarrhea of the mouth, and got it from her mother, my grandmother---both thought the whole world was entitled to know all of my business!

 

[DeathNoot]

hi, according to my psychologists I have that too. I am not really convinced. I find most people difficult and unpredictable so I avoid humans as much as possible. I don't see it as a personality disorder. They used to diagnosed me with social anxiety now with AVPD. I don't know if I am misdiagnosed. So what are all your issues that encompassed by that?

Well I don't necessarily avoid people because they're difficult or unpredictable. Most people with AVPD avoid people but also crave relationships at the same time. In many ways I find it easy to communicate with people, I'm just irrationally afraid of it. I was told as a child that I don't 'connect with people'. My main issue at the moment is being able to work. Which I can't do. Takes me days to force myself to check emails even when I'm not expecting any. I really dislike being outside because I'm extremely hyperaware of myself and how anyone could be watching me from anywhere. Can't maintain social media sites either since I feel exposed. This is the only site that I don't delete all my posts every fews months. That being said there are people with AVPD who manage a job...

It's difficult to describe a personality disorder. There's too much to say about it and they are deeply ingrained. I find nearly every decision I make is influenced by mine. When I read other peoples experiences with AVPD I felt an immediate connection, like I was looking in a mirror. If you haven't done so already, I'd advice reading many people's posts about it on other sites, to get an idea of how you relate :) Sorry if this is too long.

 

[Mooshi]

-Childhood trauma
-Mental illness
-People in my life being unsupportive/insensitive
-Society/pro-lifers refusing to discuss things such as suicide and death with dignity. As well as enforcing their views onto others
-Just genuinely not wanting to be alive
-Not being able to handle anything
-Being tired and exhausted 24/7

 

[Serenity]

-Mental illness (anxiety, psychotic break, depression, BPD)
-Impulsiveness
-Stubbornness
-Trauma from my childhood
-Trauma from my psychotic break
-My ex boyfriend and his mother
-Trauma from my old job
-Inability to get out of bed
-Body dysmorphia
-Perfectionism
-My introverted nature
-My strong emotions and inability to move on with my life
-My self-hatred of myself
-Being born in the first place

 

[greekyfish10]

i don't know really. probably my anxiety and schizophrenia that i've dealt with almost my entire life. and also just the general realization that i'm really not here for anything and life is completely and utterly pointless.

 

[YellowSneakers]

*Charcot-Marie-Tooth disease (progressive neurological disorder)
*Undiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder
*Break-up with long-term partner
*Increasing inability to cope with any stress

 

[Linda]

-Ugly face

-Poor social development leading to constant loneliness and a hard time connecting with people

-No intelligence

-Mild bulling causing poor self esteem

-Unable to find any hobbies that I can fully enjoy

If you don't mind me saying so, you are mistaken on your third point "No intelligence". That is obvious from your posts.

 

[PhoenixAurora]

Tired of Life. Tired of Nasty boss, toxic work environment, wicked colleagues, i am tired of being an orphan whereby i got to take care of aged stroke stricken adoptive parents who are unappreciative, quarrelsome, unreasonable and needy. I asked God if my real biological parents didn't want me in the first place, chose to abandon me, then why did God allow me to be born in this world??? Life to me is torturous and tiring... Tired of being a kind person, a doormat

 

[Linda]

Being born was the first ....

 

[Deleted member 18655]

• (Repressed) child sexual abuse
• Bullying
• Neglect
• More bullying
• Adult sexual abuse
• Adult religious abuse/torture
• Anorexia
• Bulimia
• Depression
• COVID: isolation, separation anxiety, abandonment, more depression, more eating disorders, cutting
• I've had enough!

 

[Aeathelina]

My ugliness in physical and personality. My undiagnosed mental disorders that make.it hard to care for myself, my lies. And overall have no benefit to anyone

 

[Red87]

Abuse, lies, being used,not doing enough,my husband's death,a outcast to my family ,unable to work , alone, depression,my mental illness

 

[blah2323]

What the doctors would say:
Depression
GAD
Avoidant personality disorder
Alcohol and substance use disorder

How it feels:
Boredom
Apathy
Failure to live up to expectations
Loneliness

 

[Unlucked]

I had an abusive mother who financially, emotionally, and physically abused me my whole life.
A childhood of neglect, leading to numerous health problems.
Transgender, late transitioner due to conservative upbringing and the threat of homelessness, in addition to medical gatekeeping which prevented me from transitioning early. As a result, still look like a man.
Developed chronic telogen effluvium from constant stress (had a full head of haie at the beggining of the year and now almost bald) .
Mishapen face from abnormal jaw development due to a car accident.
Have no friends, probably a combination of being visibly trans and having a visual deformity on my face.
Partner who I thought loved me cheated on me repeatedly. But promised to love me unconditionally inspite of deformity. Found out and was devestated. Gave him another chance but future is uncertain. I have no guarantees to live a normal life. Corrective surgery for my face costs 30,000 dollars.

Due to my issues im unable to work, and im extremely agoraphobic. Boyfriend promised to help finance my surgery but probably wont happen.