Briefly list all the problems that have led you here.

[Finally_Free]

Have you ever thought about how much of what we think happened for real, and how much was just the experience? I say this because I feel I was neglected as a child, but I don't know if that happened? Does it make sense? I mean.. I wish my parents gave more attention, but at their standard they gave me all the love and care they could. This kind of subject/object dichotomy gets me crazy cause I don't want to be unfair with them. But, still, I wish I had more attention from them, specially in early childhood.

1. AVPD

That's it lol that's the list. All of my issues are encompassed by that

What does that mean?

Hm okay, I'll try..
- Deep rooted feelings of emptiness and lack of connection with others from a young age
- Emotional abuse as a child and an adult
- Unable to stick at things job-wise - the initial enthusiasm decends rapidly into debilitating obsession.. Made worse by the fact I aced school and uni and people always expected great things from me
- Being a burden on family (homeless and reliant on them)
- Relationship breakdown
- Perhaps the most important - I have no sense of who I am at all

I relate a lot to your description! I feel exactly the same..

 

[paroxyical]

- bad childhood and adolescence (emotional abuse etc)
- my autism making everything more intense
- clinical depression
- uncontrollable emotions due to BPD
- getting groomed multiple times and never learning
- gender dysphoria
- therapy and pills not working
- constant dissociation due to osdd but thinking i only pretend for attention. general denial of my own problems
- im fat

 

[selfhater]

-horrendously ugly and mangled
-where i live
-my past
-dysfunctional/lack of abilities

 

[palebluedot]

Childhood physical and psychological abuse by my parents led to depression, anxiety, ocd, bpd, and an eating disorder. The abuse is the main one. It went on very consistently up to now, where I'm about to move out. The only friend I could ever trust with any of that information hurt me in the worst way possible. Being ugly and fat and stupid and being completely convinced that I'm going to die alone. Lost my virginity through sexual assault. Grew up bisexual in the Catholic Church. Childhood bullying. Being outed at a very conservative and rich private school, causing almost everybody to hate me. Being an insane perfectionist yet never been good at anything.

All of that led to the realization that I'm literally worthless and don't deserve to be alive. I'm just convinced there's something wrong with me, and I was never supposed to even be born.

 

[red_pen]

- bullying as a kid - teen
- unable to afford uni properly
- life hanging by a tether in most accounts
- ugly face
- terrible social skills (online & off)
- generally avoided by people (online & off) more than likely for being 'boring'
- i do think i have add but the shrink i saw just gave me a random checklist, and i didn't get any proof of the illness from him, so it doesn't feel like i actually do? the symptoms have been fucking me up for long as i can remember, though
- looking back on life, i can't really pinpoint a single actual friend outside of family...
- lack of money to alleviate any of the above issues ...

 

[Hhhhhh]

self hate
extremely unstable mental state
inability to relax
mental disabilties
possible developing schizophrenia
chronic emptiness
chronic terror
loss of connection to human emotions and norms
cant love
going blind

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Child abuse

Bullying in school by classmates/teachers

Sexual assault/harrassments

Neglect

Knowing that if I die nobody will know the real reason why, even if I leave behind a note

 

[Bct]

-Past traumas because I had been betrayed with people I considered as best friends twice
-Don't have anyone close to me. Families are just like people who live under the same roof. Have some friends but no connections are deep enough to be considered close by them. Countless rejections. Most likely I'll die alone so why bother.
-Various mental illness like ADHD & anxiety (still undiagnosed though)
-Low self-esteem.
-Financially broke due to unemployment & don't have marketable skills to advance my career
-Guilt because I indirectly killed someone by bullying
-I can be an asshole who says mean things before I could even think to stop what I'm going to say

 

[Final_frontier]

Mental illness
Mental illness
Mental illness

 

[lostangel]

1.Verbal abuse from my mother
2. Never having friends
3. being bullied
4. depression
5. despair
6. Not seeing the point in living

I'm not sure what else to say. I'm just sick of this nonsense.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

physical and psychological by my mother
Sexual abuse by her friends,
Self loathing brought on by experiences,
Emotional abuse,
Emotional abuse by my husband (yes two separate things)~
Failure as a human,
Failure as a women,
Failure as parent

the list is endless

 

[Fedrea]

So much childhood abuse in this thread.

Mine was fine.
Physical health problems in adulthood leading to more physical health problems, Leading to bullying at work, leading to mental health problems, leading to more physical health problems, leading to mistakes I can't forgive myself for, leading to more physical health problems, leading to more mistakes I can't forgive myself.

"When troubles come they come not single spies but in battalions"

 

[Konolomn]

-eating disorder (bulimia)
-Asperger's (a form of autism)
-crippling depression, anxiety, ocd, social phobia
-cant hold a job
-being trans
-sexual abuse and shitty upbringing
-conflict between parents
and life sucks

 

[iDieUDie80]

Ramifications of conviction/probation have resulted in:

- strong social isolation
- heightened anxiety (OCD)
- heightened depression
- no control over life/limited choices
- ruined future
- deprivation of my passions and identity

I also think I'm pretty ugly and am never going to get anything I want.

 

[WaitForSleep]

Interesting thread idea!
-absent parents during childhood
-preyed on by a 38 year old sex offender (convicted for child pornography) when I was 15
-severe social anxiety through childhood/teenage years and that translates into loneliness now. everyone I meet seems to dislike me in general.
-anorexia for 7 years, bulimia for 4. spent 2 months in a psych ward under an involuntary hold which was kinda traumatic
-was in a great relationship with a guy who understood me completely but he ended it by ghosting me
-persistent depression
-the death of my pet rabbit (I know it sounds lame but she was always there for me, for 10 years)

 

[iamsorry]

Uh, for personal venting I won't be as brief as maybe op hoped.

- dad left because I was born and he sold everything including my crib and my older brother's crib when he abandoned us.
- Mom and brother recognized I was the cause of the new terrible life we all have... so regularly being told I'm a mistake and should've been aborted since as young as I could remember.
- Mom picked a monster as her new husband (among many other monsters that did many bad things, but for brevity sake I'll limit it to him)
- monster of a step dad raped and beat me regularly & sent Mom to icu on a few occasions, killed any pet my mom would bring home, beat my brother senseless.
- of course monster made brother violent and suicidal. He tried to kill me on a few occasions and tried to kill himself...

So far I'm not even ten yet...

Toss in the best friend that died of cancer in elementary, the best friend that successfully committed suicide in middle school with me as her reason, the coworker that raped my 15 year old self at the hospice care center where I washed dishes in literally baggy giant scrubs after school... toss in the suicidal friends I've met because I'm "the only one that understands them" (so they tell me) and all the shitty lives others have lived... toss in hearing when my mom slit her wrists and when I was diagnosed with in incurable medical condition of a failing bladder and urethra that'll in ***best case scenario*** end up with me carrying my colostomy bag for the rest of my life... which maybe wouldn't even be so bad if I didn't have to step up as my mom and brothers caretaker (military returned him disabled for life)...

Fuck this life.

Interesting thread idea!
-absent parents during childhood
-preyed on by a 38 year old sex offender (convicted for child pornography) when I was 15
-severe social anxiety through childhood/teenage years and that translates into loneliness now. everyone I meet seems to dislike me in general.
-anorexia for 7 years, bulimia for 4. spent 2 months in a psych ward under an involuntary hold which was kinda traumatic
-was in a great relationship with a guy who understood me completely but he ended it by ghosting me
-persistent depression
-the death of my pet rabbit (I know it sounds lame but she was always there for me, for 10 years)

Just to touch on the death of your pet rabbit - it totally doesn't sound lame and with absent parents it could be seen as devastating as losing a parent, imo. Fully valid and understandable. I'm very sorry to hear the way the world treated you when you deserve more.

 

[catscradle]

emotional abuse and neglect as a child
grooming, molestation, and exploited for child pornography
borderline personality disorder
severe, treatment resistant depression

 

[Thinking]

- situational PTSD/ guilt trauma
- realizing that the world is a horrible place and that, based on historical trends, things will never get better
- Grandmother died

 

[little froggie]

bpd, neglect, raped and molested many times by the same person throughout my elementary school years, daily abuse of different forms by multiple different people, oh wait..

literally just the fact that i hate myself more than anything. like i'm ngl, i hate myself so much that all those things i listed (and trust me, there are much much more than just those things) i deserved. like i srsly deserved every bit of the screwed up childhood i had. i deserve to suffer forever..

what brings me here is knowing the world is better off without me and yet i'm still breathing, which makes me hate myself even more. cuz in my specific situation, living is selfish.

 

[Folie]

- Molested at age 12
- Raped at age 15, 16, and 3 weeks before I turned 23.
- I lost the love of my life when I was 19, and I've never been the same since.
- Been through a divorce.
- Went through another terrible break up. He was physically abusive.
- I was diagnosed with PTSD, OCD, BPD, Adult ADD, insomnia, generalized anxiety, and bipolar II.
- My first psychiatrist gave me a needle one day during one of our sessions. He said I should try that instead of cutting. I took it home and tried bleeding myself out in the bathtub. I still to this day don't understand it...
- I have Interstitial Cystitis, Pelvic Floor Dysfunction, PCOS, and fibromyalgia. It's just pain on top of pain on top of pain because they all make me hurt in the same damn place!
- I suffer from intense moderate/severe chronic pain (Main reason I am here now.) The pain has been going on for about 16 years.
- I pee ALL THE TIME because of IC. It wears on your mind. It literally can make you crazy when all you can think about is having to pee when you JUST did. At least I now have an Interstim implant to help with that a bit.
- There is no known cause for IC and no known cure. Most doctors won't take you seriously or provide you with relief. They are terrified to hand out strong pain pills when they KNOW I need them.
- IC took everything away from me. I can't work or do anything. I miss out on so many fun times with family and friends. It's so fucking depressing...
- My quality of life is compared to someone with end stage renal failure. Now, imagine going through end stage renal failure for 16 years and knowing you gotta make it through even more than that!
- I know I will CTB the moment I know I can no longer continue to suffer, and I'm getting fairly close to that point.

 

[Cashewmilk]

Life is just a tedious tedious drag, most of life is spent cleaning... I was born with shit genes like extremely weak and frail, ugly, dumb, learning disabled, idiot fucked up parents and useless pathetic family/ extended family. I can't function in the society and I'm a burden, believe me no one will care if I died, my mom will be sad for a bit but trust me she would breathe a sigh of relief for not worrying about me and how I'll survive anymore. And this world is a horrible horrible place, no matter how sad or happy I am, nothing will change that fact, such a disgusting place and anyone who willingly brings more children into the world is a piece of shit. Horrible place and animals are abused every second.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

- Severe social anxiety disorder. I've probably had it since I first started school.
- Depression
- Broke because social anxiety makes it hard to get/keep a good job, so I can't easily get therapy or meds
- No social skills, no intelligence, no beauty, and no talents
- I'm just strange. I have only a few really weird, intense hobbies, I have a vision impairment, I'm gay, etc. In general, I'll never be "normal."

Ultimately, everything comes back to being mentally ill. I think if I was exactly the same, except without anxiety or depression, then I would've never bothered with this site.

 

[draw a circle]

- my fucking thesis. fuck my thesis. a lot of people already died from working on their thesis and now i know why.
- anxiety that leads to fear of failure, rendering me unable to try anything new
- social anxiety as well
- already fucked up things that are too late to fix
- no hope for the future of the society as a whole (rigged system, global warming, mankind in general)
- too young to die too lazy to live for another 60 fuckin years in this god forsaken world
- inability to keep a relationship (romantic). i always end up making people sad because i can't love them like they loved me and now i got my karma.
- got heartbroken (already suicidal before this, but it makes everything worse. also, karma.)
- anger issues? (not sure but it bugs me as well)

 

[Bauhaus]

Debilitating insomnia & related anxiety.

Ironically, I couldn't find any pro-choice sites with Google. I stumbled upon this site when looking up a chemical.

 

[thickiana]

A really shitty neurologic condition. I have no clue what it is and I haven't had a proper diagnosis yet even though I spent a while in a hospital a few months ago & was examined by a bunch of neurologists. It started a couple of weeks after my covid infection.

Nothing was wrong with my life before this and I was completely happy. I don't even want to die but living in this body doesn't leave me any other options.

 

[Sinai Silence]

- Bullying and child abuse that led to several neurological issues
- Loneliness is killing me
- No job or life prospects
- General disappointment
- Missing loved ones
- Mental and physical state quickly degrading
- Life just isn't worth it

 

[GKU]

• Abusive Childhood
• Anger issues and panic attacks
• Two failed ctb
• No purpose in life
• Tried to achieve so many things but failed by small margins in all of them.
• Lack of success
• And just deep deep desire to not be in my life. I just want to walk out of my skin, my thoughts. It's so toxic and terribly painful to just exist.

 

[Lonely_Soldier]

Interesting thread idea!
-absent parents during childhood
-preyed on by a 38 year old sex offender (convicted for child pornography) when I was 15
-severe social anxiety through childhood/teenage years and that translates into loneliness now. everyone I meet seems to dislike me in general.
-anorexia for 7 years, bulimia for 4. spent 2 months in a psych ward under an involuntary hold which was kinda traumatic
-was in a great relationship with a guy who understood me completely but he ended it by ghosting me
-persistent depression
-the death of my pet rabbit (I know it sounds lame but she was always there for me, for 10 years)

That is not lame, I had my pet rabbit for 7 & a half years before he got sick & we had to put him down.. hardest thing I've ever had to do. He was better than any human friend.

 

[oasis]

No hope for the future, financial problems, no motivation, constant depression, hence quickly deteriorating mental state.

 

[Toobrokentofix]

When I was 4 I was raped. My mum is a narcissistic and I grew up feeling unimportant and not good enough. My dad was violent and we grew up in a hell hole (Filthy mess we shared with rats!) because he had OCD hoarding. Was groomed and abused by various guys as a pre teen/teenager whilst looking for someone to love me. By which time was actively suicidal self harming and got borderline personality disorder diagnosis. Went into foster care. Met more dodgy people out to use me. Started injecting heroine with some people I was volunteering to support who I cared about but who actually just liked that I was working n had regular income. Went to university to escape but put self into very vulnerable situation and was gang raped. Met husband just after that who "came to my rescue" but was actually another narcissist. 20 years and five kids later he has moved on and I am relieved to not be with him or have him bullying me anymore, but my head is completely broken and this hateful, critical inner voice has taken over from his abuse. I can't stand myself and my stupid brain. Sorry... that wasn't very brief!