Midwest_Indigo
Member
- Jun 17, 2024
- 14
I don't believe in an afterlife (atheist) however, I sometimes indulge in the idea of alternate dimensions or it being possible that this is only one reality. I've looked into quantum mechanics but my brain can't wrap itself around pretty much any of it, though I do let my mind wander because it's easier than facing this reality. Maybe it's also a way of self-soothing because thinking of a final end scares me at times. I don't know. I also deal with DPDR (dissociation) and that plays into it.
I don't know why I have obsessive and intrusive thoughts about bridges, but I do and have dealt with this for over a year, even running away several times to bridges. I had the urge to visit one and try to jump off it about a month ago, but that obviously didn't work and I was stopped within 10 minutes of me arriving to the bridge (not a pedestrian bridge so someone must have called it in quickly). I also deal with fighting SI however I felt no fear because I arrived at this bridge at night so it felt like barely any height.
Is there anyone else who feels this way? Or anyone I can talk to about this without calling me crazy or delusional? I know it's damaging that I'm not facing reality, and me avoiding and isolating is only making this worse... but has anyone had the thought of quite literally jumping and maybe our consciousness goes somewhere else? What if I feel I've reached the limits of this reality, and if I do something lethal and make that jump from a height I couldn't recover from, that worse case, it will be the end, or best case, I can be transferred to another reality? Although how does one determine if that would be better or worse... what if I could "align" the time and date to be meaningful to the reality I want to go back to?
I fear posting about this on reddit or anyplace where someone will just say I need help.... can someone please indulge me in this or help me feel less alone?
I don't know why I have obsessive and intrusive thoughts about bridges, but I do and have dealt with this for over a year, even running away several times to bridges. I had the urge to visit one and try to jump off it about a month ago, but that obviously didn't work and I was stopped within 10 minutes of me arriving to the bridge (not a pedestrian bridge so someone must have called it in quickly). I also deal with fighting SI however I felt no fear because I arrived at this bridge at night so it felt like barely any height.
Is there anyone else who feels this way? Or anyone I can talk to about this without calling me crazy or delusional? I know it's damaging that I'm not facing reality, and me avoiding and isolating is only making this worse... but has anyone had the thought of quite literally jumping and maybe our consciousness goes somewhere else? What if I feel I've reached the limits of this reality, and if I do something lethal and make that jump from a height I couldn't recover from, that worse case, it will be the end, or best case, I can be transferred to another reality? Although how does one determine if that would be better or worse... what if I could "align" the time and date to be meaningful to the reality I want to go back to?
I fear posting about this on reddit or anyplace where someone will just say I need help.... can someone please indulge me in this or help me feel less alone?
