Discussion Breaking up with partner before CTB... how to deal with the pain?

[aimless_arrow]

We've already bought a house 2 years ago and it'll be completed end of next year. We've also made plans for marriage shortly after moving in. You could say we're engaged. Everything is going well relationship-wise and I love my partner but I'm getting tired of this mental pain that tortures me every day. I want to break up with them before I CTB to spare them the heartache. It's just there's so much between us that it's hard to let go. They loved me when nobody else did. I feel selfish for keeping this relationship alive when I know I'll die soon. Slowly pushing them away by being annoying and combative is all my heart can stand to do for now. I want them to hate me. The day they decide to leave is the day I CTB.

Has anyone else faced this problem?

 

[FacePALM]

If there is one thing I have learned is that even if you push people away, or in your case break up, it won't lessen the pain even a bit.

Not completely the same situation but a friend of mine killed herself last may, we didnt speak for a while but reconnected a little two months before she passed, spoke a bit about everything, planned on gaming together again, going to a concert in December, texted back and for a bit and then she died. I am devastated beyond words, I miss her a lot.

I can't imagine what it would be like for your partner, but pushing them away isn't going to be the answer, it will hurt a shitload anyway. Do they know you hurt? Do they know you are suicidal?

Don't get me wrong, as I get closer to wanting to CTB I push all of my friends away and get in complete isolation, but in the end that is to make myself feel better about dying because I too believe it will lessen the pain for them, or I make myself believe that. It just doesn't work that way, the pain won't become less.

 

[Galileo3630]

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling with this difficult decision, and that you're dealing with intense emotional pain. It's understandable that you would want to spare your partner from the pain of losing you, but it's important to remember that breaking up with them may also cause them significant pain and distress.

It's important to consider the long-term consequences of your decision, and to think about how you can minimize harm to yourself and others. Ending a relationship is never easy, especially when there is a history of love and commitment. However, if you feel that it's the right decision for you, it's important to be honest and direct with your partner about your feelings.

 

[CentreMid]

We've already bought a house 2 years ago and it'll be completed end of next year. We've also made plans for marriage shortly after moving in. You could say we're engaged. Everything is going well relationship-wise and I love my partner but I'm getting tired of this mental pain that tortures me every day. I want to break up with them before I CTB to spare them the heartache. It's just there's so much between us that it's hard to let go. They loved me when nobody else did. I feel selfish for keeping this relationship alive when I know I'll die soon. Slowly pushing them away by being annoying and combative is all my heart can stand to do for now. I want them to hate me. The day they decide to leave is the day I CTB.

Has anyone else faced this problem?

As someone who has a partner and wants to ctb, I've thought about this. I love her with every fibre of what's left of me and know that she'll be devastated when I go. However, I think that breaking up would only cause my partner more heartbreak in addition to my death, and therefore it wouldn't be a good idea because, although she will grieve, I want to reduce her suffering as much as possible as she does. Also, breaking up would lead your partner to wonder if they were the cause of your death, and if you're like me, I don't think it would be good leaving them to wonder that and having them feel guilty over something that has nothing to do with them. Anywho, best of luck in whatever you choose.

 

[SleepyRobloxGrl]

I recently tried to leave my husband for this reason. I realized that it only makes it more painful. The way he cried was unbearable, I decided to stay. I'd rather love him until I inevitably CTB than leave him beforehand. This way it won't make him feel guilty and like he could have done something in my last few days if only he were there for me. (Even if he couldn't do anything.) You know what I mean?

Whatever you choose to do, best of luck

 

[SexyIncél]

I want to break up with them before I CTB to spare them the heartache. It's just there's so much between us that it's hard to let go. They loved me when nobody else did. I feel selfish for keeping this relationship alive when I know I'll die soon. Slowly pushing them away by being annoying and combative is all my heart can stand to do for now. I want them to hate me.

Unfortunately, this is in the category of "sneaky bullshit". I believe there's such a thing as hell. One way to enter it is to betray someone utterly good you love, and who loves you deeply.

Upon entering hell, you may decide to linger. They say hell is mostly populated by those who could leave anytime. Or maybe you can't leave, because this will be your last thought, which will stretch out to a subjective eternity in the microseconds before brain death.

Religious myths often have a basis in reality, even though they're cartoonishly warped in the retellings.

Even if you don't linger, you'll have corrupted true love. One more bullshit fake love, by people swearing up and down "I love you."

There is an alternative path. Here's one example that springs to mind:

1. Prepare your ctb, so you could execute it anytime. Ideally, away from your home if feasible.
2. Prepare a message in advance, detailing the agonizing twists of your plans, including these considerations here.
3. Optional: Probe them. Will they betray you by giving you up to the psych cops, if you disclose your plans? If you're skilled at reading them, you could do this without triggering their betrayal. If you slip up a bit, proactively say you'll get help. But of course, you won't. Unless it's actually a good idea.
   1. If they'll betray you: At the next opportunity, disappear and execute ctb.
   2. If they're ok: Welcome to Risk City. Even if she's ok this second, she might not be ok 15 minutes later. Proceed slowly. What you want to see is them proactively considering suicide, with little prompting from you. This is why this whole step is optional: it's risky.

After reading your letter, if they fails to understand why you had to ctb, then they failed to love you. You've left them a paid-for house, comforts, hopefully friends. Treat them as best as you reasonably can before you ctb. Leave them a beautiful tragedy, not an ugly betrayal.