BPD and a FP.. he is guilt tripping me about my plans to CTB

[glitterypearls]

we connected again, and he promised to be in my life if I don't CTB. I tried to explain that I tried everything and I just need to CTB now. he kept saying "if you CTB you can't see me or talk to me" he knows I'm obsessed with him. and that idiot knew how to use it against me. people who have BPD & FP here. how did you get over that? he kept saying how if I CTB he will feel guilty and I would always be in his mind and how he will never move on. It breaks my heart, I don't want that for him. I want him to move on and now I'm having 2nd thoughts about CTBing.

 

[gizzreid]

you honestly don't get over it. you just cope i guess. it's true, you won't see him again if you CTB. but you won't be around to care. when you're sleeping and not dreaming, do you think about him? no, you don't think about anything. so yeah, you won't see him, but you also won't see suffering or pain or trauma. you'll feel guilty, up until the point you have CTB. then all negative feelings are gone.

 

[Forever Sleep]

you honestly don't get over it. you just cope i guess. it's true, you won't see him again if you CTB. but you won't be around to care. when you're sleeping and not dreaming, do you think about him? no, you don't think about anything. so yeah, you won't see him, but you also won't see suffering or pain or trauma. you'll feel guilty, up until the point you have CTB. then all negative feelings are gone.

I may have read this wrong but I get the impression he's meaning- if you promise me you won't CTB- I'll stay with you. Otherwise, I'll leave. I get the impression he's using their connection to emotionally blackmail a promise to not CTB.

Is that correct OP? I don't know what to say really. I'm so sorry. I know I simply couldn't promise someone I would never CTB. I haven't told anyone though.

I guess I would have to say that someone who REALLY cares and understands ought to realise how unfair it is to ask for that promise. I guess that's the crux of it though- they don't understand. They can envisage how painful it would be for them if they lose someone but they can't quite imagine how bad and hopeless life can feel for a suicidal person. Perhaps they truly believe that the person can get better.

I guess- if it was me- I would have to say that I couldn't promise that- anymore than they could. None of us know what's ahead of us. You could say you will do your best to hold on for them- if you intend to try. I would also say that there would be nothing to feel guilty about if I did CTB. I intend to put that in a note if I do it- that no one could have prevented it. No one could have helped or stopped me.

May I ask why you got back in touch? Did you want to prepare him for it? Or- were you in some way reaching out for support? If it's the latter- I suppose he's saying his support will be conditional. I don't know how fair that is really. I guess ideally, it would be nice if he supported you and your wishes. On the other hand- I guess some people know they're not going to be able to cope with it. If it's a case of- will you support me till I decide to go? I guess he just finds that too distressing. I'm sorry.