Venting bought a rope...freaking out

[sundown12]

today has been absolutely fucking BRUTAL, i'm extremely sensitive to moon phases and this full moon kicked my ass so hard.
i realized i have nothing to live for, and for the first time i practiced partial hanging on my wardrobe bar. it was scary, but i decided to go ahead and buy a proper rope.
if i ctb, it will be 100% revenge suicide. i know once you die, your soul leaves the body but it stays here on earth for a while. i want to see my parents suffer and realize how poorly they treated me all these years.
i've experienced so much humiliation for the past couple of years, i don't think i can take it anymore. i've been getting by with my spiritual practices and by talking to my spirit guides. but none of that keeps me here any longer. i want to go to heaven, cleanse my immortal soul of earthly filth and meet my soul group and my spirit guides.
just a little rant, idk

 

[breezeboy]

How did you develop your spiritual beliefs if you don't mind me asking?

 

[sundown12]

How did you develop your spiritual beliefs if you don't mind me asking?

a while ago i started meditating and got sucked into the whole new age shabang. i really wanted to connect to my guides and my higher self, so I prayed and talked to them. i also did shrooms a couple of times, and had some big spiritual breakthroughs.

 

[breezeboy]

a while ago i started meditating and got sucked into the whole new age shabang. i really wanted to connect to my guides and my higher self, so I prayed and talked to them. i also did shrooms a couple of times, and had some big spiritual breakthroughs.

Thats really interesting thank you. I was never able to "breakthrough" on lsd or shrooms despite working myself up to pretty high doses. Could be some factors im unaware of blocking me but I'm gonna attend an ayahuasca retreat before I ctb and hopefully i get some clarity.

 

[sundown12]

Thats really interesting thank you. I was never able to "breakthrough" on lsd or shrooms despite working myself up to pretty high doses. Could be some factors im unaware of blocking me but I'm gonna attend an ayahuasca retreat before I ctb and hopefully i get some clarity.

omg i would KILL to go to ayahuasca, so jealous of you!!
i myself did not have experience of ego death, or things that other people report after trips, but I had direct contact with my spirit team.
i hope you'll get your breakthrough!

 

[breezeboy]

omg i would KILL to go to ayahuasca, so jealous of you!!
i myself did not have experience of ego death, or things that other people report after trips, but I had direct contact with my spirit team.
i hope you'll get your breakthrough!

I never thought it'd be possible due to location and finances but I've found a place with good reviews in the us and im planning to use my tax refund to fund it lol.
And yeah unfortunately I never got ego death either. I had some really profound and amazing experiences still though.
And thanks! I hope it works out for you to experience it as well