Body dysphoria sucks

[paredler]

I'm 30 gay male and in the gay community there's a huge pressure to become muscular.
After my second suicide attempt, my body chemistry has been disrupted and it has affected my spine. I suffer from two bulging discs that make it hard for me to walk and very hard to exercise. Even before the attempts, I didn't respond well to physical suffering. I don't respond well to suffering at all, that's why I attempted twice. The muscle dream is dead to me, or rather, it has never actually been real. I tried to exercise in 2018, before the attempts, but after two months I collapsed mentally. I have zero self discipline. Very few times in my life I managed to exert self discipline and it has always gone at some point. Most of my life I have lived on automatic pilot because that's the mode with the least amount of physical and mental pain there is.

It's been a year since I last had sex and this sexual starvation drives me insane. I don't know what to do.

What do I do?

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Didn't you post this already?/g

 

[paredler]

I did, but I barely get any responses and I really need someone to help me figure it out. I'm kinda trying to make this forum my only social platform. I'm sick of Facebook and I'm banned by Reddit.

 

[Ash]

I'm not a gay man so feel free to disregard this reply but honestly, be yourself. I don't know any muscular gay men apart from the ones I've seen in clubs. My male gay friends are all shapes and sizes, some sporty, some "bears", some foodies, some sofa slobs, many, many beer bellies, several physical disabilities with varying levels of fitness and para sporting interest (including one Paralympian and no, he's no muscle Mary), a few learning disabilities, a few HIV+, all happy and proud to be themselves.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I did, but I barely get any responses and I really need someone to help me figure it out. I'm kinda trying to make this forum my only social platform. I'm sick of Facebook and I'm banned by Reddit.

Then hopefully you don't plan on telling others that they deserve to be kidnapped and have their skulls smashed.

 

[paredler]

I'm not a gay man so feel free to disregard this reply but honestly, be yourself. I don't know any muscular gay men apart from the ones I've seen in clubs. My male gay friends are all shapes and sizes, some sporty, some "bears", some foodies, some sofa slobs, many, many beer bellies, several physical disabilities with varying levels of fitness and para sporting interest (including one Paralympian and no, he's no muscle Mary), a few learning disabilities, a few HIV+, all happy and proud to be themselves.

Thank you, but unfortunately, self acceptance isn't an option. How am I supposed to accept myself if I have no validation from the aristocrats of my community? I just need someone to be with me in my pain. It's a sucky situation which I don't really have control over. I just need some source of relaxation.

Then hopefully you don't plan on telling others that they deserve to be kidnapped and have their skulls smashed.

Depends on how evil they are.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Depends on how evil they are.

You sent this to me just because I made a sarcastic post disagreeing with you. I wasn't even being mean and you even acknowledged that when you noted that I was being polite.

 

[paredler]

View attachment 138151
You sent this to me just because I made a sarcastic post disagreeing with you. I wasn't even being mean and you even acknowledged that when you noted that I was being polite.

I'm sorry I overracted. I'll tell you why I did it. When someone says to me something that can be interpreted as slightly or indirectly offensive, I always take on the premise that not only they meant to be mean, but they would actually like to hurt me even more. Also, I didn't say you were being polite. I said that "Instead of being polite, let's choose to insult OP". Again, to me, I saw your comment as a rude attack against me so I responded accordingly.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I'm sorry I overracted. I'll tell you why I did it. When someone says to me something that can be interpreted as slightly or indirectly offensive, I always take on the premise that not only they meant to be mean, but they would actually like to hurt me even more. Also, I didn't say you were being polite. I said that "Instead of being polite, let's choose to insult OP". Again, to me, I saw your comment as a rude attack against me so I responded accordingly.

A rude attack? Really? A sarcastic comment disagreeing with you = an attack? It feels like you are doing that thing where you say you are sorry but don't actually mean it.

 

[paredler]

A rude attack? Really? A sarcastic comment disagreeing with you = an attack? It feels like you are doing that thing where you say you are sorry but don't actually mean it.

Then I misinterpreted the situation and your intentions. I'm sorry. I'm not diagnosed, but I think I suffer from some sort of autism becaue it happens to me a lot with other people. To you it seems like an unoffensive comment, to me it seemed offensive.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Then I misinterpreted the situation and your intentions. I'm sorry. I'm not diagnosed, but I think I suffer from some sort of autism becaue it happens to me a lot with other people. To you it seems like an unoffensive comment, to me it seemed offensive.

That's not an excuse. I'm just going you put on ignore.


Bye bye.