Venting birthday. no happy.

[richuu]

Soon as the clock ticked pass 12am, it's like my brain just gave up. I got a lot of texts wishing me a happy birthday, but this is the most unhappy of all birthdays I've ever had. Nothing's there to ruin my day, I'm not sad, but I'm definitely not happy, even though I'm supposed to be. I have never felt so done before, I can't even word it properly how done I am feeling. Same day for the past few years I felt like I was being given a new chance to help myself out of this depressing cycle of slowly losing any and all emotions, but I just never did. It's been like five birthdays, and for this one, I felt like I lived through the next 12 months of my life the moment I opened my eyes. There's nothing to anticipate, nothing to live for. Especially pathetic when I have so many 'loved ones', that are actively trying to love me, but I am just not feeling it, not one bit (to those who loved me, I am so, so sorry if any of you ended up reading this). At this point the pitch black and absolute nothingness from being eternally unconscious felt equally as intriguing as life.

Happy birthday to me.

 

[NutOrat]

Happy(?) bithday, richuu! I've had the same experience for the past 3 years, my birthday coming up in October. Soooooooo excited :) It's the "number go up" game, but it's not even that you're so unhappy about it, you just don't care at this point, but still a little upset.

 

[Eriktf]

i wish you a happier birthday

 

[iamanavalanche]

wishing you a happy birthday ♡ birthdays seriously suck but i hope you find one thing that makes this day brighter

 

[unluckysadness]

I hate birthdays. I had mine 7 days ago and I wish this day doesn't exist. I didn't want to see people but my parents came for an hour. I was very tired as always because of benzos. And it stresses me because I must answer to messages and calls. And when you hate your life, how can you "celebrate" the day you came into hell ? Yesterday a neighbour had his birthday and they put the music so loud from afternoon to midnight. My God, I just wanted to die when I heard them partying. And me, alone in my apartment. So pathetic. I need to go. I hope it will be in 2025 because I hate new year celebration too. I hate parties, I just want silence or relaxing music. Just leave me alone in peace, that's just what I want. I'm so tired with all this circus called life