Venting Beyond help

[LeWantsToDie]

My counselor just don't told me that he cannot help me. I know that I can't be helped, that's why I'm here in the first place - but it just hurts. He basically told me that I'm behind on everything, I'm cutting myself again and that I didn't do any work last week and- I just - I did do work. I really did. And I started on my missing assignments. And like - I don't know. I mean, I know it doesn't matter in the end and all. And I knew all that. But it just fucking hurts so much to know that someone's given up on me even when I already have. And to have the mess I am said aloud. And it's even dumber because I've already accepted that I'm going to need to ctb soon. I'm sorry if this doesn't belong here.

 

[kunikuzushi]

It sounds like he's too lazy to even try to understand how much you're suffering. I'm sorry you have to go through this. Would you be able to find someone else to help you? I'm sure you're trying your best. Even if you say you need to ctb soon, I wish you comfort until then.

 

[LeWantsToDie]

It sounds like he's too lazy to even try to understand how much you're suffering. I'm sorry you have to go through this. Would you be able to find someone else to help you? I'm sure you're trying your best. Even if you say you need to ctb soon, I wish you comfort until then.

No, he's not. He's amazing. He apologized to me later on and clarified stuff - it was just a misunderstanding. Honestly, my brain's super fucked up the closer I get to my planned ctb date. It's weird my brain interprets everything as intended to hurt me and I purposely do stuff to make people mad but I get so upset when they actually are mad. It's a strange form of emotional self harm

 

[kunikuzushi]

No, he's not. He's amazing. He apologized to me later on and clarified stuff - it was just a misunderstanding. Honestly, my brain's super fucked up the closer I get to my planned ctb date. It's weird my brain interprets everything as intended to hurt me and I purposely do stuff to make people mad but I get so upset when they actually are mad. It's a strange form of emotional self harm

I'm glad you were able to clear things up with him. And I understand what you mean about thinking everything is intended to hurt you and doing those things. I hope you can be not so hard on yourself about it. After all, like you said it's emotional self harm, so it would be great if you could give yourself a little treat after you do it, to take care of yourself.