Best and worst things to say to someone who is suicidal?

[Soulless_Angel]

"Why should you be suicidal? Other people have it far worse than you!"

Gee thanks, now I feel like even more shit.

So yeah, that's a bad thing to say.

 

[ssaaahmo]

best: i'm sorry you're hurting so much. i know this is painful for you and i'll support you however i can
worst: you can't think of suicide, stop, it's a bad thing to think about, you literally can't think this way (thanks dad)

Absolutely the worst thing to say is:
"Hang in there!"

literally thought this too
oh i'll be hanging all right-from the tree in the backyard

 

[Living sucks]

Nor is it realistic for you to imply that the only two options should be either letting anyone say anything unquestioned or unchallenged, or reporting them directly to mods for post deletion. In fact, that kind of passive-agressive, all-or-nothing scenario would be more unhealthy than the situation you are currently taking issue with.

This is not at all what I implied. I never suggested they or anyone were exempt.
I said members have the right to express themselves without judgement but there are cases that cross the line and should be dealt with by mods. What I didn't state but is assumed is that mods would need to be notified by members who read and potentially respond. And I do believe these cases subject themselves to harsh criticism.
I suggested how a response might look that didn't cast judgement, in this case, on the OP. That suggested example addressed all the things you mentioned without judgment or words that imply ridicule or inferiority.
And I said It is not the intent of the response but the tone that causes the OP to feel attacked, belittled or judged.

. I find it puzzling that such behaviour doesn't seem to even raise an eyebrow from you, but my commenting to OP about those plans is such a cause for your concern.

i suggested that maybe the OP was (those ridiculing words) but no need to be judge and jury here.
I suggested a non judgmental but direct response that addresses the concerns of the remarks made by OP.
The OP stated what made things worse for them, when they're suicidal... calling the authorities makes them feel they are not being helped as they need. I can relate to this feeling.
Their statement to call the GP before taking SN isn't threatening (to me), Drs are trained how to handle these things so I encourage OP to call the Dr. Doing so is stupid if the intent is ctb.

I agree with this. Though it might not be my place since I'm still so new, I think autumnal raises a valid point. I'm tempted to give OP the benefit of the doubt and assume that their plan of action towards their doctor was an impulsive fantasy born out of anger over the actions taken by their doctor, which I understand. But on the off chance that they were serious, I do believe it's important to be reminded of the implications of such an 'act of revenge' because at that point it stops being about the OP only but involves potentially harming other people whose motivations for their actions were likely only concern and a wish to help. 'Punishing' someone for this is petty and spiteful in my opinion and one has to realise that one is potentially doing severe emotional damage to a person who was either only concerned and trying to help or possibly even following standard protocol which is mandated by law.

It is not the need to address the OPs behavior that I took issuewith, It's how it's done. By all means address it, Without a belittling or condescending tone.
And if OP calls the DR before SN, they are perhaps seeking attn and not intending to die because this act will most likely result in being saved. Unless OP is in an area where ems cannot reach them for at least over an hour, like the middle of the woods, because their phone will be tracked.

When a post or response is violating, hurtful, disgusting or similar by all means, let the OP have it. This wasn't the case. Childish? Yes.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Best: I'm here to listen and not judge.

Worst: Anything that communicates "I have a problem with that" or "I have a problem with you for that." That is, it's all about the one listening (or not listening).

 

[GoBack]

Just remembered Ive been called pathetic for being suicidal. That was bad, I took it to heart as well cause I was really sick at the time and it was a close relative

 

[Philosykos]

It is not the need to address the OPs behaviour that I took issue with, It's how it's done. By all means address it, Without a belittling or condescending tone.

Ah, I see, I'm sorry. autumnal's original post didn't read particularly belittling or condescending to me. A bit stern in tone perhaps, but not patronising. That is of course not to say that it may not read that way to others. My apologies.

And if OP calls the DR before SN, they are perhaps seeking attn and not intending to die because this act will most likely result in being saved.

That's a good point, I had not considered this possibility.

 

[rhiino]

Worst:
"You won't do it anyway, you are too pathetic for that."
"Then just do it already!"

 

[FireFox]

Worst things to say
" People have it so much worse than you"

 

[TheRaul95]

I learned, that if people cant help themselves, how can they help others :)

 

[TowerUpright]

I'm not so sure about that Doctor who called the police on you. Unless you came across as about to commit suicide imminently (saying you want to die, and have a plan and / or weapon), it's not easy to have someone committed. Or so I've read (please correct me if I'm wrong: Im from the US). That doctor definitely sounded like they were overreaching their authority.

Sorry, I hate when people jump to assume you must be mental ill and don't have the capacity for decision-making because you mention suicide.

I hope you have better luck with doctors in the future.

 

[Circles]

Reminds me of one of the last arguments I had with my sister and she said 'I hope you kill yourself' and then I stood in shock as I was flabbergasted by that. Simple yet makes me wonder why I haven't. Whether that's good or bad depends on my mood.

 

[Shero]

Best thing, "im here".
Worst thing, "stop whining".

 

[HadEnough1974]

It depends on who the person is and what you want to achieve. This really happened. A friend of mine told me he was going to kill himself and he wanted an open casket funeral so that people can see his face and feel sad for him.

My response was, in that case, "If you kill yourself, I'm NOT going to your funeral."

 

[autumnal]

I'm not so sure about that Doctor who called the police on you. Unless you came across as about to commit suicide imminently (saying you want to die, and have a plan and / or weapon), it's not easy to have someone committed. Or so I've read (please correct me if I'm wrong: Im from the US). That doctor definitely sounded like they were overreaching their authority.

Sorry, I hate when people jump to assume you must be mental ill and don't have the capacity for decision-making because you mention suicide.

I hope you have better luck with doctors in the future.

Everything the poster said in their post tends to support the view that they did present as a valid suicide risk. They described themselves as 'WHEN I'M SUICIDAL' (their emphasis). Note also that two separate and independent sources (work colleagues and doctor) both believed them to be suicidal on different occasions. Also note their use of 'Obviously I talked my way out of it both times, this is NOT my first rodeo'. To me, 'talked my way out of it' implies there were suicidal but then lied to convince people otherwise. Talking your way out of something usually refers to something you are responsible for doing in the first place. Had they not been suicidal, they would have more likely said something like 'Obviously I told her she was wrong' or 'Obviously I set them straight about it'. While the doctor's response was certainly not one of an experienced psychiatric practitioner, they were definitely not 'overreaching their authority' in calling police. Remember also that the poster is seemingly fueled by a large amount of spite and resentment, and so may not be the most reliable of narrators with a possible bias in their recollection of exact words used.

People, especially professionals, do not 'jump to assume you must be mentally ill' or lack the capacity for decision-making because you mention suicide. People validly believe you are at risk of suicide because you mention suicide, and do so in ways which suggest you are at imminent risk of doing so. People don't need to even speculate on your degree of mental illness or personal capacity.

Hoping the poster has better luck with doctors in the future? From the revenge they imagine inflicting on their doctor, quite frankly it's the doctors you should be wishing have better luck with this patient in future, or ideally stay well clear of them entirely!

 

[TowerUpright]

I can only speak for myself, but I've brought up suicide and suicidal thoughts to my doctors. Neither one of them said they were worried (yet) about me. they were the ones telling me I'd have to lay out a plan and/or have obvious means, like a gun, noose, poison, etc. For them to turn me in.

I suppose your mileage may vary.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Best: The world is ending tonight.
Worst: Things will get better

 

[IrRegularjoe]

People who think its a joke. Or you need attention.
People who thinks it abhorrently wrong.
People who claim its a choice and they could do it to. Even though you know they won't.

 

[rhiino]

I can only speak for myself, but I've brought up suicide and suicidal thoughts to my doctors. Neither one of them said they were worried (yet) about me. they were the ones telling me I'd have to lay out a plan and/or have obvious means, like a gun, noose, poison, etc. For them to turn me in.

I suppose your mileage may vary.

I have expierenced the same on several occasions. Just being suicidal was not enough for them to do anything regarding police. Still I find it disgusting that the system even allows for that, only because you want to make a decision about your own life, no matter how your mental capacity is at the moment.

 

[TowerUpright]

I have expierenced the same on several occasions. Just being suicidal was not enough for them to do anything regarding police. Still I find it disgusting that the system even allows for that, only because you want to make a decision about your own life, no matter how your mental capacity is at the moment.

Yep. It's like, if you want to kill yourself, you have to be crazy (at least that's what society says). It reminds me of the US not so many decades ago, where doctors who would be evaluating you for letting you out of an asylum would often ask about your thoughts about the Bible and Jesus. Or so I saw in a documentary.

If you don't conform, you are obviously a lunatic.

 

[Amnesty]

Do not tell anyone or they may escalate it to a whole another level is so true. They just ask you then report it to the authorities scaring everyone. :\

 

[Despondent]

The worst thing you can say is --

"It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

"Things do get better."

''You're not alone."

Anything dismissive that the typical person would say, really. The last one isn't that bad though. It is a good reminder I guess.

 

[Bardia]

Best: Can I just be here with you, right now? Talk about anything? Can I just listen, or can we sit together quietly?

Worst: You're so selfish. You're doing it all to yourself. Can't you see how good you have it? How can you be depressed when so many people are so much worse off than you?

Worst of the worst: You just need to trust Jesus more! (Or Allah, Yahweh, or any other fantasy god thing.)

 

[Marktheghost]

Best: I've got a gun. Would you like me to kill you?

The worst I've ever heard: I don't want to hear it. It's emotional blackmail.

 

[mathieu]

I hate being told, "it will get better" because it's been 14 years of horrible suffering so far and gets worse by the day. As a man who can't work, there is no rosy future awaiting me.

 

[GoBack]

I told my primary care Dr. I was feeling suicidal and she said "Well if that's really the case, then I'm calling the police right now" This was 2 months after my co-workers called the police because they were worried about me as well. WORST THING YOU CAN DO/SAY TO ME WHEN I'M SUICIDAL is to call the cops. Obviously I talked my way out of it both times, this is NOT my first rodeo. So - I say FUCK YOU to those who call the police on me for saying I'm suicidal. Right before I CTB with my SN, I want to call the Dr.s office and tell her to think twice next time before threatening to call the police when someone tells her they are suicidal. It doesn't help - at all.

Yeah it's awful when they say that, I get most suicidal when I feel trapped. One time they knew I had tried it, called an ambulance so I tried to run out of the house, they locked all the doors and called the police. So obviously I tried to get out of a window. It didn't work.

After all that spent hours in a and e and was sent home. The world is fucked

 

[autumnal]

Yeah it's awful when they say that, I get most suicidal when I feel trapped. One time they knew I had tried it, called an ambulance so I tried to run out of the house, they locked all the doors and called the police. So obviously I tried to get out of a window. It didn't work.

After all that spent hours in a and e and was sent home. The world is fucked

Not just referring to this commenter, but in general I will truly never understand why members here are either surprised or resentful when mental health services try their best to prevent them committing suicide.