Hello all,
I am a new member here but have been lurking the forums for a while. I'm tired of life and feel like its time to CTB. A friend has approximately 1,000 mg of alprazolam (xanax) and has access to alcohol. I've been told "keep pushing on," "it will get better," and all those sayings I know most of us have heard but I feel that it is all bullshit. Yes, I've seen therapists and all the other "helpful" things out there. But, I feel I have been pushing on for too long, I keep telling myself just make it through this month it's your loved one's birthday, among other reasons I've come up with to postpone. I've been preparing for the inevitable, but to be honest I'm scared. I'm worried about collateral damage, like how will my family and friends take the news. Maybe I'm not fully ready, but I have access to alprazolam and alcohol; and I hear of people dying from combining benzos + alcohol all the time. I've used benzos in the past countless times (was even prescribed them for years) and they always helped with the feeling of wanting to CTB and gave me a sense of peacefulness. The problem is that it is not sustainable, so I can't just use benzos everyday for the rest of my life. Sorry for the scattered post my brain is all over the place right now. So, my questions to all of you are: 1) have you tried the benzos + alcohol method? 2) How do you deal with the fear/worry of how your death could effect those around you?
I am a new member here but have been lurking the forums for a while. I'm tired of life and feel like its time to CTB. A friend has approximately 1,000 mg of alprazolam (xanax) and has access to alcohol. I've been told "keep pushing on," "it will get better," and all those sayings I know most of us have heard but I feel that it is all bullshit. Yes, I've seen therapists and all the other "helpful" things out there. But, I feel I have been pushing on for too long, I keep telling myself just make it through this month it's your loved one's birthday, among other reasons I've come up with to postpone. I've been preparing for the inevitable, but to be honest I'm scared. I'm worried about collateral damage, like how will my family and friends take the news. Maybe I'm not fully ready, but I have access to alprazolam and alcohol; and I hear of people dying from combining benzos + alcohol all the time. I've used benzos in the past countless times (was even prescribed them for years) and they always helped with the feeling of wanting to CTB and gave me a sense of peacefulness. The problem is that it is not sustainable, so I can't just use benzos everyday for the rest of my life. Sorry for the scattered post my brain is all over the place right now. So, my questions to all of you are: 1) have you tried the benzos + alcohol method? 2) How do you deal with the fear/worry of how your death could effect those around you?
