Venting Being taken seriously after failing ctb

[trytrytryagain]

Every time I fail, it adds to another shame on top of shame. I thought I was getting better since I became an adult, but obviously nothing is so simple.

I had a friend refer to one of my trauma's as "water under the bridge", if they had said it to me in person I know I would've gone off at them, but I just don't have the patience anymore, I don't have any drive to defend myself. I'm sick of being tossed around, I'm sick of not being taken seriously.

One thing I've realized after my attempts is that nothing really changes. People just see what happens as an inconvenience to their lives, see you do marginally better and think it's all good. I've kinda lost the drive I had to impulsively do it. No letter, no goodbyes, that always seemed easier but I've kinda realized maybe ctb doesn't even matter either. I don't know if I have the guts to do it anymore, so much physical pain over people who will never care about me.

I'm done being alone, I think I'm living out of spite at this point. I'm conflicted on what to do, I can't even have anybody care about me dying, but they won't care about me living either. Seems like a cruel oxymoron.

Does anybody feel something similar?

 

[february in alaska]

That's really sad to hear. Of all times for people to realize how "serious" you are about your mental health, it should be after they know you tried and failed to CTB... it sucks that it even needs to get to that point for people to usually show that they care, but if they don't even do it at that point, it just seems cruel. I'm so sorry you're in that situation, that sounds miserable.

People always say "reach out" as if showing people how bad it's gotten will magically fix everything. I know how much it hurts to finally "reach out", in one way or another, just to realize that it doesn't really do anything. It's not a fun realization to have

 

[loslassen]

I'm so sorry for the way people take you as another inconvenience, nobody should ever be treated that poorly and with so little care, you truly don't deserve that, I'm sorry.


I can't really relate as much but I can understand on a smaller level, sometimes my chronic illness will have spikes and I'll purposely stop caring for myself so it'd worsen in hopes that the people around me will care, but they just shove a new prescription and send me on my way, then go back to their usual disinterest in me, I've been trying to kill myself lately but no one around me really notices, much to say it really scars me emotionally failing and realizing what I'm doing, my bf has been there for me so safe to say he's the reason I haven't completely lost it, but the relationship is online so he can't really do much… I haven't spoken up directly to my family about me wanting to ctb, mostly because I don't want to be snatched of my freedom, as I see suicide as more than just an impulse, but genuinely as a last resource option to stop all the physical , mental and economic suffering.

 

[UKscotty]

Ironically as someone who is suicidal myself, I can easily think the same about people.

I often see people saying life is so bad then I think why are you still here then.

I think the issue is there are so many attention seekers now days that we are desensitised to it all. TikTok is full of people talking about CTB and cutting that it's hard to see who's real and not.

Not the answer you wanted but just sharing my thoughts.

 

[Painfu.Ll.suffering]

I relate...

i made the decision to want my life ended But i cant do it myself without this failed attempt risks so please help with MY decision... and you get no help... even the Opposite... the reaction to people wanting an end to their suffering makes you feel trapped even more....