Venting Being Suicidal Sucks

[pagedelight]

This is something I'm coming to realize. It feels like I have this huge thing on my mind constantly that I can't talk about without coming off as melodramatic or redundant or getting locked up in a fucking ward and having my rights stripped away. What is there that I can say that hasn't already been said a million times by other people.

And to top it all off, I have to actually wait with all this loneliness and silence until the method I've chosen arrives which can take several days. And then once it arrives I have to check and see if it will actually even work, so there's no guarantee that it arriving will be the key that will set me free.

God it's so lonely. I think part of it is that I'm not good with talking to people. I mean I'm on this forum with suicidal people who can, of course, relate to being suicidal but I still can't put myself out there and have a conversation with it without feeling like I'm just burdening them and making it awkward. Fucking pathetic. It's like wanting to die has become me at this point and there's not even a personality left underneath anymore.

 

[sorlox]

Bro, my feelings are just same. Suicidal thoughts have been swarming my head for 5 years, and idk if i'll ever recover. If i will be happy again. There's an endless war in my head between carrying on and catching the bus. Even when carrying on is pointless. I love nobody, nobody loves me, world becomes a mix of dumpster and psych ward, and i can change nothing.