negi-maguro
Anarresti
- Mar 2, 2025
- 44
Pardon my bad english and the excessive use of suicide, I should probably use the term CTB but for this I feel like using the word suicide is more appropriate with the topic I want to talk about.
Also spoilers for Aftersun (2022) and I will be talking about Haibane Renmei and Taste of Cherry (1997) (spoilers too!).
I just got home from watching Aftersun (2022) in my local theatre and I was surprised of how I had minimal reaction for it. My friend who had watched it hyped up how good and moving it was, this guy rarely cries and he cries watching Aftersun. I was like, "damn, maybe I should watch it." and suddenly a film group in my country held a viewing in my local theatre so I decided to watch it. I had no idea what the movie about, I thought it was like a Dad & Daughter film so I came overly caffeinated and smuggling in a sundae. Throughout the film I had like mix impression of it. The acting was really good, and for a second I thought it was going to be like a horror film, but it actually depicts depression and suicide, something that I'm in the position of.
I will say that the film is really really good. It captured how delibitating and frustrating being suicidal is, esp with having to mask it. The acting throughout the film is phenomenal, you really feel the bond and later the lost of that bond between Sophie and Calum becuase of his exit. It masterfully shows how depression and being suicidal can be masked, but that mask often slips, but it's not easy to spot, hence why people only understand after their loved one is gone. A film about signs and being left behind, memories basically. It's good, but I was not moved by it. Some people were crying in the theatre, and I took a look into some reviews online and saw mostly positive reviews praising the theme and such. I did not feel the same, I came home just saying "okay". I was perplexed, a film with a topic that I should and would've love, for some reason didn't moved me. Right now I'm still confused and reaching for an explanation. Is it because I was overly caffeinated? Is it because I was eating a sundae for the first half of the film? Or is it because I see myself in Calum, I mean I don't have a kid, but I feel like I know what Calum felt, all that masking, all that attempt, but not everything else.
Tbqh, it reminds me of reading rants or stories here. It's like seeing something that feels normal to me. I feel like maybe, the film weighs more into the people who are left behind by people who CTB'd, hence why I'm not moved, because I do want to die and felt like nobody understand. maybe I'm just a bad human being you know, like at this point I just dgaf about other people or myself. It's a story about memories, but here I am wanting to be forgotten or even not existing in the first place. idk, I am questioning myself, am I too far gone into being not human,t hat I have a hard time enjoying/being moved from Aftersun, because i feel nothing from watching it. what's going on here?
I compare it with Taste of Cherry (1997) which is one of my favorite film of all time an also about suicide. A film that I often thought about, esp during some depressive episode. I like that film. It's a film that reads me, while I'm reading it, if that make sense. I like the different approach of advices from the strangers. The different reaction and willingness of the strangers being presented the idead of partaking in somebody else's demise moved me. Yes, I still think life is beautiful, I like the story about the man whos body hurts all over and the story about eating cherries. But I digress, what I'm saying here is there's a stark different reactiong from within myself when watching it compare to Aftersun. Haibane Renmei, an anime depicting self acceptance post suicide, my favorite of all time. Yume Nikki/2kki, another favorite. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that the idea of a loved one being affected with the death of someone close via suicide did not hit me at all. I never lost a close family member, I never partake in any form of romantic and intimate realtionship, and my close friends are not that close to me. Is it because of that? because I'm barely a human with any form of connection or memories? Is that why I have minimal reaction or even empathy toward Calum and Sophie? Is it because I'm suicidal myself?
How about you guys? You ever felt like being suicidal ruins your enjoyment or interest for films/games/tv series/books/anything about suicide?
Also spoilers for Aftersun (2022) and I will be talking about Haibane Renmei and Taste of Cherry (1997) (spoilers too!).
I just got home from watching Aftersun (2022) in my local theatre and I was surprised of how I had minimal reaction for it. My friend who had watched it hyped up how good and moving it was, this guy rarely cries and he cries watching Aftersun. I was like, "damn, maybe I should watch it." and suddenly a film group in my country held a viewing in my local theatre so I decided to watch it. I had no idea what the movie about, I thought it was like a Dad & Daughter film so I came overly caffeinated and smuggling in a sundae. Throughout the film I had like mix impression of it. The acting was really good, and for a second I thought it was going to be like a horror film, but it actually depicts depression and suicide, something that I'm in the position of.
I will say that the film is really really good. It captured how delibitating and frustrating being suicidal is, esp with having to mask it. The acting throughout the film is phenomenal, you really feel the bond and later the lost of that bond between Sophie and Calum becuase of his exit. It masterfully shows how depression and being suicidal can be masked, but that mask often slips, but it's not easy to spot, hence why people only understand after their loved one is gone. A film about signs and being left behind, memories basically. It's good, but I was not moved by it. Some people were crying in the theatre, and I took a look into some reviews online and saw mostly positive reviews praising the theme and such. I did not feel the same, I came home just saying "okay". I was perplexed, a film with a topic that I should and would've love, for some reason didn't moved me. Right now I'm still confused and reaching for an explanation. Is it because I was overly caffeinated? Is it because I was eating a sundae for the first half of the film? Or is it because I see myself in Calum, I mean I don't have a kid, but I feel like I know what Calum felt, all that masking, all that attempt, but not everything else.
Tbqh, it reminds me of reading rants or stories here. It's like seeing something that feels normal to me. I feel like maybe, the film weighs more into the people who are left behind by people who CTB'd, hence why I'm not moved, because I do want to die and felt like nobody understand. maybe I'm just a bad human being you know, like at this point I just dgaf about other people or myself. It's a story about memories, but here I am wanting to be forgotten or even not existing in the first place. idk, I am questioning myself, am I too far gone into being not human,t hat I have a hard time enjoying/being moved from Aftersun, because i feel nothing from watching it. what's going on here?
I compare it with Taste of Cherry (1997) which is one of my favorite film of all time an also about suicide. A film that I often thought about, esp during some depressive episode. I like that film. It's a film that reads me, while I'm reading it, if that make sense. I like the different approach of advices from the strangers. The different reaction and willingness of the strangers being presented the idead of partaking in somebody else's demise moved me. Yes, I still think life is beautiful, I like the story about the man whos body hurts all over and the story about eating cherries. But I digress, what I'm saying here is there's a stark different reactiong from within myself when watching it compare to Aftersun. Haibane Renmei, an anime depicting self acceptance post suicide, my favorite of all time. Yume Nikki/2kki, another favorite. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that the idea of a loved one being affected with the death of someone close via suicide did not hit me at all. I never lost a close family member, I never partake in any form of romantic and intimate realtionship, and my close friends are not that close to me. Is it because of that? because I'm barely a human with any form of connection or memories? Is that why I have minimal reaction or even empathy toward Calum and Sophie? Is it because I'm suicidal myself?
How about you guys? You ever felt like being suicidal ruins your enjoyment or interest for films/games/tv series/books/anything about suicide?
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