Venting being on this website makes me feel better about being an outsider in life

[Webcore]

I've been doing better, but I stay close to this website just because it feels like a place I can really truly talk openly about myself and my issues without raising any alarms.
I've been going to these pretty fun classes, but I run into the same issue every time: I peak at the beginning, then things get worse and I fade and disappear from discussion.

I started these classes maybe 2 months ago, and I was doing great: people talked me up as naturally funny and a great performer. Now? I barely feel that kind of pride anymore. I feel like I make way too many mistakes, I mess up so easily over and over and don't have anything valuable to say. Im not this amazing performer I was at the beginning and just got worse and worse. I'm not friends with many people in class, and the people I want to be friends with I know will hardly ever acknowledge me.
All this is just issues in my own brain, but good god, it hurts. Just trying so hard to be

 

[lavenderjourney]

Glad to hear you've been feeling better. You're so brave for going to these classes, being consistent, despite this performance feeling. I often feel like when I try to put myself out there, I mask my introverted nature by overcompensating with extroversion that lasts... 2, 3 weeks? And then I go silent, exhausted from the energy spent unconsciously pretending to be someone I'm not. Someone more... palatable. Less... me.

If you'd like to hear a different perspective, I think you'd really enjoy these YouTube channels: UnordinaryMind or PsychToons. They have a lot of videos talking about giving perspective on multiple topics, usually about our psyche and the result of being in our own heads. Enjoy your classes for what they are and how they make you feel. The act of being includes your own self-enjoyment. :)