Venting Being neither particularly liked nor disliked sucks.

[Enyan]

I don't know if anyone else can relate to this here, but one of the things I've always struggled with was being the kind of person that just... exists in other people's lives. I'm neither liked nor disliked, I'm just there, I guess. The one you wouldn't specifically ask to hang out but wouldn't mind being where you were at random.

I feel guilty for complaining since I at least have a very loving partner who always puts me first - but I long for friendship and a general sense of belonging to a community.

I often get jealous when I see universally liked people. Not in a resentful way, mind you, just in a "man, this person is so amazing, I wish I could be like them" way. I sincerely care about people and wish I could be someone who radiates warmth and kindness. But whenever I try, it just comes across as weird or stilted - I'm too autistic and awkward.

I managed to find a friend on here which I hadn't done since 2015 (!), but I can't even deal with that anymore because I keep worrying about them being disappointed in me if I'd contact them more often.

Sometimes I wish I'd at least be universally disliked, because hey, at least it'd make it easier for me to off myself. After all, I could make them happy that way! (Or maybe I am disliked and I'm just too bad at reading the room.) But... idk.

It just sucks.

 

[imagonner]

yeah, im in the same boat, sort of. no one seems to dislike me, but no one likes me enough to pick up the phone and call me or send me a message. its been like this all my life, never been anyones choice. at least you have a loving partner, i dont even have that. ive always been alone, through the best and the worst. and i think what hurts most isnt not having anyone around at your worst, sometimes you want to be alone then, but having no one to share good news with ...

 

[limenlux]

I can relate to this. I didn't experience this when I was younger, since I was a lot different in the past and had a more polarizing personality that served to attract or repel people.

As I became older, I developed relationships more exclusively around specific activities (namely tabletop RPGs), and while others in the group were close friends with each other, I often sat scrolling through group texts and Discord messages, none of which were directed at me until someone bought a new game and wanted me to help them learn the system and/or GM the game. This sort of thing also began occurring in every aspect of my life, and by the time I became disabled I had very few connections left.

I know this is painfully generic advice, but as far as reaching out to people for friendship, just be authentic and let the pieces fall where they may. Especially in a place like this, you never know how much someone else is going through and what may be causing them to reach out to you one moment or withdraw the next.

I don't think it's a big deal if you message someone a little more than they message you; I personally doubt I'd even notice if that were the case, as long as I wasn't being bombarded. On the reverse side, don't be afraid to use your discretion and disengage from someone who makes you uncomfortable, either.

I hope you're able to achieve having the kind of relationships you find fulfilling.

 

[endlesschatter]

I don't know if anyone else can relate to this here, but one of the things I've always struggled with was being the kind of person that just... exists in other people's lives. I'm neither liked nor disliked, I'm just there, I guess. The one you wouldn't specifically ask to hang out but wouldn't mind being where you were at random.

I feel guilty for complaining since I at least have a very loving partner who always puts me first - but I long for friendship and a general sense of belonging to a community.

I often get jealous when I see universally liked people. Not in a resentful way, mind you, just in a "man, this person is so amazing, I wish I could be like them" way. I sincerely care about people and wish I could be someone who radiates warmth and kindness. But whenever I try, it just comes across as weird or stilted - I'm too autistic and awkward.

I managed to find a friend on here which I hadn't done since 2015 (!), but I can't even deal with that anymore because I keep worrying about them being disappointed in me if I'd contact them more often.

Sometimes I wish I'd at least be universally disliked, because hey, at least it'd make it easier for me to off myself. After all, I could make them happy that way! (Or maybe I am disliked and I'm just too bad at reading the room.) But... idk.

It just sucks.

Increase your charisma level, it'll automatically elevate your likeability. Trust me it's not too hard.. I'm an introvert and I worked it on to skyrocket my charisma that got me a lot of attention in life.. i didn't intend to get that much attention though

 

[ApotheosisOfJ]

I still remember the horrible feeling walking from class to class in school and always being the friends that had to hang back and walk behind when the hallways were full. I'm not an off-putting person, I put effort into being nice and easy company. But being easy company doesn't mean that people will want to spend time with you.

One time there was after-work drinks happening and so some of the guys in work planned to get the bus from work into town to meet the other who were driving home first. Started out with a group of 4-5 guys which would've been fine, I can do alright in group settings. But then literally that day all but 1 guy changed plans and drove instead, so that left me and one guy from work to spend 2-3 hours one-on-one together. It was awful. At first I was able to make conversation and talk about shared interests or ask him questions. But after a while I ran out of things to talk about and could just feel him being bored and disinterested in me as a person.

It's not a surprise. Depression has leached all of my interests and passions away so I'm only really equipped to talk about surface level stuff.

I don't blame them. If I was somebody else I know I wouldn't want to spend time with me

 

[Russell1882]

I know that feeling very well, my whole life I've always been that fifth wheel nobody really cares about...

Increase your charisma level, it'll automatically elevate your likeability. Trust me it's not too hard.. I'm an introvert and I worked it on to skyrocket my charisma that got me a lot of attention in life.. i didn't intend to get that much attention though

How do you "increase your charisma"? I feel like this is something you either have or you don't. You can't fake it.

 

[endlesschatter]

I know that feeling very well, my whole life I've always been that fifth wheel nobody really cares about...



How do you "increase your charisma"? I feel like this is something you either have or you don't. You can't fake it.

Great question. As such there are videos that teach you how to.
I'll summarise how I increased my own charisma.
When I was 15,16, I attempted CTB attempts back to back. I was extremely low on energy. No matter how hard I used to try to improve life, that didn't used to work. I changed my attitude into don't care attitude while doing my best.
Later, I practiced alternate nostril breathing and trataka, these exercises increases your energy levels by balancing the solar and lunar channel of energy in the body. And trataka helps you get laser focus. Meditation is another thing I practiced on a daily basis. I used to create a shield of energy around me to protect me from negative energies. As a result of which within one year, how I carried myself changed. My body language exuded determination, confidence and charisma. People used to get impressed automatically without me having to try a bit. The most demanded girl in my school proposed to me. 3 years later, the most demanded girl in my college messaged me I Love you. She even held my hand in front of other girls to show ownership lol. All of it was kinda strange experience for that 15,16 year old teenage boy that tried to CTB. He had never imagined this kind of attention.

There's a technique to improve charisma on demand by Paul McKenna.

It goes like this.
Close your eyes and sit straight in a comfortable position.
Focus on your breathing.
Relax your body from head to toe.
Now imagine a person who you think is extremely charismatic. It can be an actor, or a person from your own life.
Watch their mannerism.
Now merge yourself with them. Become them.
See the world through their eyes, hear the world through their ears, feel how good and charismatic you feel inside their body.
Observe yourself and how this experience feels like

Now give yourself a suggestion, that you'll count back from 5-1
And you'll bring back this charisma into your life

Count 5

4

3

2

1 open your eyes feeling energised and rejuvenated with the brand new charismatic personality.


This is also known as new behaviour generator exercise, you can acquire new behaviour and skills through this, such as confidence, fast reading, laser focus, quit smoking, etc etc. You can call it meditation, you can call it hypnosis. Important thing is, you shouldn't do it while operating machinery or driving a vehicle. If you suffer from epilepsy, you should consult a doctor.

Note: if anyone reading this post wants to try alternate nostril breathing, watch it on YouTube to learn how to practice it. It's not supposed to be done at night as it raises your energy and that will not let you sleep at night. Your spine should be straight when you do this. You shouldn't be fatigued or sick or have any headache or pain in the eyes.

To practice trataka, draw a black circular point on your eye level on the wall, watch it. Try not to blink. When you do it for the first time, notice how long you can do without straining your eyes. Stop the moment you feel strained.
Now do this everyday and increase few seconds everyday as much as is comfortable without straining eyes. The idea is to focus on the point. Not to strain the eyes.
Make sure you don't have headache or any pain/fatigue in the eyes when you are doing it.
This exercise can also be done with a candle flame or a hypnotic spiral also known as shakti chakra. Do whichever appeals to you. But make sure you wash your eyes with clean cold water before and after this exercise to energise your eyes.
Plus do your own research on this so you know more about it. I'm just giving a direction. To follow that direction and to research about it is your call.