Venting Being neither particularly liked nor disliked sucks.

[Enyan]

I don't know if anyone else can relate to this here, but one of the things I've always struggled with was being the kind of person that just... exists in other people's lives. I'm neither liked nor disliked, I'm just there, I guess. The one you wouldn't specifically ask to hang out but wouldn't mind being where you were at random.

I feel guilty for complaining since I at least have a very loving partner who always puts me first - but I long for friendship and a general sense of belonging to a community.

I often get jealous when I see universally liked people. Not in a resentful way, mind you, just in a "man, this person is so amazing, I wish I could be like them" way. I sincerely care about people and wish I could be someone who radiates warmth and kindness. But whenever I try, it just comes across as weird or stilted - I'm too autistic and awkward.

I managed to find a friend on here which I hadn't done since 2015 (!), but I can't even deal with that anymore because I keep worrying about them being disappointed in me if I'd contact them more often.

Sometimes I wish I'd at least be universally disliked, because hey, at least it'd make it easier for me to off myself. After all, I could make them happy that way! (Or maybe I am disliked and I'm just too bad at reading the room.) But... idk.

It just sucks.

 

[imagonner]

yeah, im in the same boat, sort of. no one seems to dislike me, but no one likes me enough to pick up the phone and call me or send me a message. its been like this all my life, never been anyones choice. at least you have a loving partner, i dont even have that. ive always been alone, through the best and the worst. and i think what hurts most isnt not having anyone around at your worst, sometimes you want to be alone then, but having no one to share good news with ...

 

[limenlux]

I can relate to this. I didn't experience this when I was younger, since I was a lot different in the past and had a more polarizing personality that served to attract or repel people.

As I became older, I developed relationships more exclusively around specific activities (namely tabletop RPGs), and while others in the group were close friends with each other, I often sat scrolling through group texts and Discord messages, none of which were directed at me until someone bought a new game and wanted me to help them learn the system and/or GM the game. This sort of thing also began occurring in every aspect of my life, and by the time I became disabled I had very few connections left.

I know this is painfully generic advice, but as far as reaching out to people for friendship, just be authentic and let the pieces fall where they may. Especially in a place like this, you never know how much someone else is going through and what may be causing them to reach out to you one moment or withdraw the next.

I don't think it's a big deal if you message someone a little more than they message you; I personally doubt I'd even notice if that were the case, as long as I wasn't being bombarded. On the reverse side, don't be afraid to use your discretion and disengage from someone who makes you uncomfortable, either.

I hope you're able to achieve having the kind of relationships you find fulfilling.

 

[endlesschatter]

I don't know if anyone else can relate to this here, but one of the things I've always struggled with was being the kind of person that just... exists in other people's lives. I'm neither liked nor disliked, I'm just there, I guess. The one you wouldn't specifically ask to hang out but wouldn't mind being where you were at random.

I feel guilty for complaining since I at least have a very loving partner who always puts me first - but I long for friendship and a general sense of belonging to a community.

I often get jealous when I see universally liked people. Not in a resentful way, mind you, just in a "man, this person is so amazing, I wish I could be like them" way. I sincerely care about people and wish I could be someone who radiates warmth and kindness. But whenever I try, it just comes across as weird or stilted - I'm too autistic and awkward.

I managed to find a friend on here which I hadn't done since 2015 (!), but I can't even deal with that anymore because I keep worrying about them being disappointed in me if I'd contact them more often.

Sometimes I wish I'd at least be universally disliked, because hey, at least it'd make it easier for me to off myself. After all, I could make them happy that way! (Or maybe I am disliked and I'm just too bad at reading the room.) But... idk.

It just sucks.

Increase your charisma level, it'll automatically elevate your likeability. Trust me it's not too hard.. I'm an introvert and I worked it on to skyrocket my charisma that got me a lot of attention in life.. i didn't intend to get that much attention though

 

[ApotheosisOfJ]

I still remember the horrible feeling walking from class to class in school and always being the friends that had to hang back and walk behind when the hallways were full. I'm not an off-putting person, I put effort into being nice and easy company. But being easy company doesn't mean that people will want to spend time with you.

One time there was after-work drinks happening and so some of the guys in work planned to get the bus from work into town to meet the other who were driving home first. Started out with a group of 4-5 guys which would've been fine, I can do alright in group settings. But then literally that day all but 1 guy changed plans and drove instead, so that left me and one guy from work to spend 2-3 hours one-on-one together. It was awful. At first I was able to make conversation and talk about shared interests or ask him questions. But after a while I ran out of things to talk about and could just feel him being bored and disinterested in me as a person.

It's not a surprise. Depression has leached all of my interests and passions away so I'm only really equipped to talk about surface level stuff.

I don't blame them. If I was somebody else I know I wouldn't want to spend time with me

 

[Russell1882]

I know that feeling very well, my whole life I've always been that fifth wheel nobody really cares about...

Increase your charisma level, it'll automatically elevate your likeability. Trust me it's not too hard.. I'm an introvert and I worked it on to skyrocket my charisma that got me a lot of attention in life.. i didn't intend to get that much attention though

How do you "increase your charisma"? I feel like this is something you either have or you don't. You can't fake it.