Being Jealous of Those Who Die

[hlynn95]

So I feel a little strange explaining this, but when I hear about a friend or someone who's died, I feel jealous. They found a way to escape life. I'm not sure if they wanted to die, as supposedly these people's deaths were accidents but I still get jealous that they got out of life. I wonder where they are now. The one friend got hit by a car, and the other an overdose. Of course I'm sad about losing them but I feel great envy because they no longer have to live in this miserable world. I didn't ask to be born, it should be my right to end it if I choose to do so. I'm just hesitant because I don't want to hurt my mother. Besides her, no one else really cares for me. I was thinking when she dies someday, I'll CTB then as well. I really have no one to live for. Everyone dislikes me. I'm an a cute looking girl, but looks are certainly not everything. It's the personality that matters. And I've tried getting "help"... sad to say, it does not help. What would help is if I had real life friends and socialization but everyone seems to give up on me. I just wish there was an easy way to die. I'm scared of all the suicide methods. If someone would take me out or it was an accidental death like in my friends' case, I'd die happily. Anyone else feel like this ? That they just wish someone else would kill them cuz they're too scared to do it themselves?

 

[Hotsackage]

Yup

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, I am jealous of those who have died as they are free from this life. They are at peace. Non existence is the complete absence of suffering. I was perfectly fine not existing before I was forced to live. It is difficult to ctb as we are programmed to survive. If it was easier, I would already be gone. We all deserve a peaceful exit at a time of our own choosing. The thing I want most is non existence.

 

[fox_wannabe]

I saw a dead bird Lying on it's back, with his small legs up in the air, and beautiful fluffy belly. Damn It was the most beautiful thing I saw today.

 

[back_to_oblivion]

Yes I feel jealous of that all the time. I think life is a sick joke. I have noticed it's often the people that really enjoy their lives that die young, the people that don't enjoy life often get to live long lives. Everyone gets what they don't want.

 

[rosie93]

So I feel a little strange explaining this, but when I hear about a friend or someone who's died, I feel jealous. They found a way to escape life. I'm not sure if they wanted to die, as supposedly these people's deaths were accidents but I still get jealous that they got out of life. I wonder where they are now. The one friend got hit by a car, and the other an overdose. Of course I'm sad about losing them but I feel great envy because they no longer have to live in this miserable world. I didn't ask to be born, it should be my right to end it if I choose to do so. I'm just hesitant because I don't want to hurt my mother. Besides her, no one else really cares for me. I was thinking when she dies someday, I'll CTB then as well. I really have no one to live for. Everyone dislikes me. I'm an a cute looking girl, but looks are certainly not everything. It's the personality that matters. And I've tried getting "help"... sad to say, it does not help. What would help is if I had real life friends and socialization but everyone seems to give up on me. I just wish there was an easy way to die. I'm scared of all the suicide methods. If someone would take me out or it was an accidental death like in my friends' case, I'd die happily. Anyone else feel like this ? That they just wish someone else would kill them cuz they're too scared to do it themselves?

I'm so so sooo jealous too. Especially every time I hear about another successful suicide.

 

[chocolatebar]

I'm tempted to say that I'm jealous of those who never existed at all, but they don't exist for me to be jealous of them.

 

[LivvenDe]

So I feel a little strange explaining this, but when I hear about a friend or someone who's died, I feel jealous. They found a way to escape life. I'm not sure if they wanted to die, as supposedly these people's deaths were accidents but I still get jealous that they got out of life. I wonder where they are now. The one friend got hit by a car, and the other an overdose. Of course I'm sad about losing them but I feel great envy because they no longer have to live in this miserable world. I didn't ask to be born, it should be my right to end it if I choose to do so. I'm just hesitant because I don't want to hurt my mother. Besides her, no one else really cares for me. I was thinking when she dies someday, I'll CTB then as well. I really have no one to live for. Everyone dislikes me. I'm an a cute looking girl, but looks are certainly not everything. It's the personality that matters. And I've tried getting "help"... sad to say, it does not help. What would help is if I had real life friends and socialization but everyone seems to give up on me. I just wish there was an easy way to die. I'm scared of all the suicide methods. If someone would take me out or it was an accidental death like in my friends' case, I'd die happily. Anyone else feel like this ? That they just wish someone else would kill them cuz they're too scared to do it themselves?

Ohhhh I am also sooooo jealous, so to the point that I have to contain myself from saying "good for him/her" to the person who gives me the news.

I'm so so sooo jealous too. Especially every time I hear about another successful suicide.

I envy more those who got to go "naturally". I even envy terminal patients who know their time is counted.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I'm envious of these people's courage and strength to ctb….. it's always a combination of emotions: I feel incredible sadness and strong envy……

 

[idiot_dad]

I get that. There was a guy I knew growing up who was universally loved. Just a terrific guy who was a positive influence on everyone he was around. He randomly died in his sleep when he was 33 and left behind a wife and two kids. I still think to myself that it should have been me who died. He was such a light, and I'm such a garbage person. It's not fair at all.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

It's like watching a dark souls no-hit run and going "how did he do that?" with a mix of envy and fascination.

Scary thought: what if I lack the talent to off me? What if it takes a certain ammount of natural skill to cross the SI barrier and I don't have it in me?

 

[ClownMe]

Yep, im extremely envious of the dead, life cant torture them anymore.

 

[hlynn95]

Yes, I am jealous of those who have died as they are free from this life. They are at peace. Non existence is the complete absence of suffering. I was perfectly fine not existing before I was forced to live. It is difficult to ctb as we are programmed to survive. If it was easier, I would already be gone. We all deserve a peaceful exit at a time of our own choosing. The thing I want most is non existence.

That's how I feel. I am really nervous to CTB cuz our body will try to fight to keep us alive. It's a survival mechanism thing but if one really wishes to die, they can do so easily with a gun or something very lethal...

Ohhhh I am also sooooo jealous, so to the point that I have to contain myself from saying "good for him/her" to the person who gives me the news.

I envy more those who got to go "naturally". I even envy terminal patients who know their time is counted.

Hmm. Yeah but if their life got taken away by accident, perhaps it is a tragedy to some people. Most of the ones I know, died due to drugs and had some sort of pain going on in their life. Now I wonder where they are...they're on "the other side" Life's greatest mystery— death.

I'm tempted to say that I'm jealous of those who never existed at all, but they don't exist for me to be jealous of them.

Lol so the unborn essentially?!
So what do y'all recommend? I'm scared to do it alone. Maybe hire a hitman for myself? Sounds so strange huh. I'm just scared to off myself but I still want to do it. Where is the CTB partner thread? Anyone know?

 

[Mashedout]

Yes, I am jealous of those who have died as they are free from this life. They are at peace. Non existence is the complete absence of suffering. I was perfectly fine not existing before I was forced to live. It is difficult to ctb as we are programmed to survive. If it was easier, I would already be gone. We all deserve a peaceful exit at a time of our own choosing. The thing I want most is non existence.

It's a nice theory, but ultimately no one knows what happens when you die. We'll only find out when it happens, everything is on the table right now. We could be forced to participate in some other experience just as we were forced to participate here.

 

[Ash]

Yes, whether I know them or not. I was listening to a podcast the other day and someone said his father died aged 40 and my first thought was "that's younger than me, lucky b*s*a*d".

 

[lotus11]

yup i feel exactly the same

 

[Kennish]

So I feel a little strange explaining this, but when I hear about a friend or someone who's died, I feel jealous. They found a way to escape life. I'm not sure if they wanted to die, as supposedly these people's deaths were accidents but I still get jealous that they got out of life. I wonder where they are now. The one friend got hit by a car, and the other an overdose. Of course I'm sad about losing them but I feel great envy because they no longer have to live in this miserable world. I didn't ask to be born, it should be my right to end it if I choose to do so. I'm just hesitant because I don't want to hurt my mother. Besides her, no one else really cares for me. I was thinking when she dies someday, I'll CTB then as well. I really have no one to live for. Everyone dislikes me. I'm an a cute looking girl, but looks are certainly not everything. It's the personality that matters. And I've tried getting "help"... sad to say, it does not help. What would help is if I had real life friends and socialization but everyone seems to give up on me. I just wish there was an easy way to die. I'm scared of all the suicide methods. If someone would take me out or it was an accidental death like in my friends' case, I'd die happily. Anyone else feel like this ? That they just wish someone else would kill them cuz they're too scared to do it themselves?

Yes

 

[motel rooms]

We'll only find out when it happens, everything is on the table right now. We could be forced to participate in some other experience just as we were forced to participate here.

Nope. I know I'm my little brain & my little brain is not immortal. It will eventually die & disintegrate, just like everybody else's. Ain't nobody gonna force my non-existent brain to participate in no sick mind games in no other, non-existent world. Even this simple lifeform knows that we need a living brain to be us:

Feel free to scare yourself with your chosen version of an afterlife to your heart's & brain's content though.

 

[Maaizr]

So what do y'all recommend? I'm scared to do it alone. Maybe hire a hitman for myself? Sounds so strange huh. I'm just scared to off myself but I still want to do it. Where is the CTB partner thread? Anyone know?

i too have been mortified/curious about the SI part, and doing it alone or with someone - may i ask do you have a preferred method ?

 

[Mashedout]

Nope. I know I'm my little brain & my little brain is not immortal. It will eventually die & disintegrate, just like everybody else's. Ain't nobody gonna force my non-existent brain to participate in no sick mind games in no other, non-existent world. Even this simple lifeform knows that we need a living brain to be us:

Feel free to scare yourself with your chosen version of an afterlife to your heart's & brain's content though.

Again, what you're saying is what you think and want to be true but not necessarily reality as reality doesn't care about our desires. The origin of conciousness hasn't been confirmed to be locked into our decaying meat despite the best efforts of people far more intelligent than I or you who tried to nail it down. It may exist outside of the body and thus be susceptible to further experiences afterward. No one has the answers currently so anyone claiming they do is coming from a place of ego.

 

[motel rooms]

No one has the answers currently so anyone claiming they do is coming from a place of ego.

Well, it just so happens I'm a certified delusional egomaniac incapable of rational thought & nobody can cure me & make me believe that my consciousness could survive the death of my brain, so I win all the arguments, especially the ones I lose! Sharknado time!

 

[agate]

I'm also jealous of those that want to live , something that's just alien to me . Maybe if I wanted to live I'd be happy, or maybe if I was happy I'd want to live

 

[orangepotato]

I dread the aftermath of my suicide. All the drama my suicide will cause my family. My family wondering what they could've done when in reality there's nothing they could've done. I envy those who have already gotten all that stuff over with and are just chilling out in either the afterlife or the void of nothingness.

 

[hlynn95]

I dread the aftermath of my suicide. All the drama my suicide will cause my family. My family wondering what they could've done when in reality there's nothing they could've done. I envy those who have already gotten all that stuff over with and are just chilling out in either the afterlife or the void of nothingness.

That's why I'm delaying the suicide too. It affects those around us most, but they will eventually learn to accept it and realize we're in a better place. At least not hurting anymore. It's so sad that ppl see suicide as the only way to stop the (mental or physical) pain, but that's how it is sometimes. I just want to actually do it before I hit age 30.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

It's a nice theory, but ultimately no one knows what happens when you die. We'll only find out when it happens, everything is on the table right now. We could be forced to participate in some other experience just as we were forced to participate here.

i agree I don't think there is nothing afterwards anymore

 

[forgotten15]

Yes, definitely think the same. I am very jealous they got to escape this life. It would be a dream come true to die by other cause than ctb because this SI is horrible and has been standing in my way of ending my life for years. It is so unfair we are denied the right to decide if we want to live or not and are forced to resort to all sorts of painful methods to escape this hell.

 

[Haexx]

So I feel a little strange explaining this, but when I hear about a friend or someone who's died, I feel jealous. They found a way to escape life. I'm not sure if they wanted to die, as supposedly these people's deaths were accidents but I still get jealous that they got out of life. I wonder where they are now. The one friend got hit by a car, and the other an overdose. Of course I'm sad about losing them but I feel great envy because they no longer have to live in this miserable world. I didn't ask to be born, it should be my right to end it if I choose to do so. I'm just hesitant because I don't want to hurt my mother. Besides her, no one else really cares for me. I was thinking when she dies someday, I'll CTB then as well. I really have no one to live for. Everyone dislikes me. I'm an a cute looking girl, but looks are certainly not everything. It's the personality that matters. And I've tried getting "help"... sad to say, it does not help. What would help is if I had real life friends and socialization but everyone seems to give up on me. I just wish there was an easy way to die. I'm scared of all the suicide methods. If someone would take me out or it was an accidental death like in my friends' case, I'd die happily. Anyone else feel like this ? That they just wish someone else would kill them cuz they're too scared to do it themselves?

Why people dislikes you? I understand how it feel because I am isolated.

 

[hlynn95]

i agree I don't think there is nothing afterwards anymore

Have a little hope! There could be something exciting that awaits us on the other side...

Why people dislikes you? I understand how it feel because I am isolated.

That's personal. It's too much to explain. I guess I was just always the "odd one out." Never had many friends in high school nor college. I don't know what it's like to have a best friend. I have borderline personality disorder and I push people away, when I crave friendship. I get too attached and clingy to guys I find attractive. I get used for sex then thrown away like trash. I am so fucking lonely and depressed it's miserable

 

[AtMostOkay]

My sister died 25 years ago and I've been picking up her pieces since. Lucky bitch, indeed.

 

[Death is your gift]

I totally get that feeling. Many times I hear about some people who died accidentally, my first thought is that I would like to be at their place... And I feel desperate and suicidal so often that I think that I would be glad to exchange their life of those people who want to live against mine. Of course it does not work that way