Venting being in love is a prison

[emptymiku]

i wish i could turn off my emotions. i wish i couldn't feel any kind of love. the only thing that gives my life value right now is talking to my friends, but especially him.

i hate this.

i wish i didn't have to feel so strongly for someone who will never feel the same about me.

i hope he won't miss me when we part ways. by death or by circumstance, i hope he'll celebrate my absence.

because i'm worth nothing.

 

[Cyc]

I'm in the same situation as you. I'm in love with someone who no longer loves me and it still hurts

 

[SarahThrowsGin]

I've read that turning it off is precisely possible, but not in an instant, and requires quite elaborate self-reflection and either work towards one's ambitions or help from other people, which I guess is not suitable to everyone. Otherwise, I definitely can relate to "to be in love is to suffer", though I was fortunate so far to never have it last too long. But for some people it really just does not pass, which is yet another testament of how torturous this world is. That, and the fact that there are people who think that if you suffer, it is somehow not a "true" love, devaluing your suffering. Yet on the contrary, a lot of instances of (non-romantic) 'love' that does not cause suffering to the lover, seem to be precisely gaslighting: think of unsolicited interventions that masquerade as care but the only person they really care about is their own good image.

 

[lpdsvm]

I sometimes find it hard to read what a person wants. I think they wouldn't mind, but I am not rich enough, good enough, or they might stereotype me. Maybe because of my origin and background. Maybe something else.
Or maybe a small number of people want to actually try but I expect them to do something first because no way will I want anything now with this mess in my life.
I know for sure if I had randomly started I would be in big trouble now.

 

[TheOtakuLurker]

Oddly enough, love isn't a real thing it's just chemicals in peoples head making them feel like their connected to another person. Imagine this where you've been with this person for 5 years would it matter? No. It wouldn't make one even the slightest of happy, yeah it's cool to want to be with someone but putting everything on this one person as feeds into the loop of feeling worthlessness which is why turning all emotions off is the best option.

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

Unfortunately relatable.

 

[Pluto]

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

i feel very much the same. i hate having crushes any kind of romantic feelings.

 

[glitterpvppy]

My boyfriend just left me. Our relationship was always toxic but I still would never choose to let it go. It is a prison but one I'd stay in forever. He broke it off and this false reality I had been living in for years fell apart in one day. Thinking about it makes me extremely suicidal. I don't think I could ever be in love again, but potential love is also the only thing that keeps me alive.

 

[emptymiku]

My boyfriend just left me. Our relationship was always toxic but I still would never choose to let it go. It is a prison but one I'd stay in forever. He broke it off and this false reality I had been living in for years fell apart in one day. Thinking about it makes me extremely suicidal. I don't think I could ever be in love again, but potential love is also the only thing that keeps me alive.

the human experience is so cruel.

 

[Shadows From Hell]

I gave up on love years ago. After my divorce in 2012, I was released from that prison, and I have no intention on going back.

 

[emptymiku]

I gave up on love years ago. After my divorce in 2012, I was released from that prison, and I have no intention on going back.

i wish i couldnt fall in love with anyone

 

[bobsacamano]

i wish i could turn off my emotions. i wish i couldn't feel any kind of love. the only thing that gives my life value right now is talking to my friends, but especially him.

i hate this.

i wish i didn't have to feel so strongly for someone who will never feel the same about me.

i hope he won't miss me when we part ways. by death or by circumstance, i hope he'll celebrate my absence.

because i'm worth nothing.

 

[Nightingale93]

You're not worth nothing. I'm sure there is someone out there who would love to be with you for the rest of your days. I've never really been in a relationship, but from what I hear Love can heal any wound, bring such unimaginable joy to your life. Please don't give up <3

 

[emptymiku]

You're not worth nothing. I'm sure there is someone out there who would love to be with you for the rest of your days. I've never really been in a relationship, but from what I hear Love can heal any wound, bring such unimaginable joy to your life. Please don't give up <3

if anyone actually wants to be with me i think they have bad taste lol

and it's not him anyways

 

[bobsacamano]

I agree with the person who disagreed with you're saying you're worth nothing. You are priceless and have all kinds of value and worrh. Just because it didn't work out with that one person doesn't make you less valuable. I hope you find what you're looking for. More importantly I hope you can learn to see the good in yourself.

 

[AndrewWood'sDeath]

I'd have to agree, I do think people should have the right to choose whether they want to live if they want but I don't believe that almost anyone is worthless. Despite the horrible things they sometimes do people's minds are overall really beautiful and fascinating and have so much value.

I'd also say never falling in love doesn't really solve the issue if you still love and yearn to be loved. It sounds dumb but for as long as I can remember even as a young child I've loved every living thing so much it's painful. It hurts so bad to love everything so much but have no outlet for it and to see it all suffering so much and feeling unable to help and unworthy because of it. I mean I would hit myself in the head when ants got squished, I shot my brother with a bb gun indoors because he killed a mouse, and I once told my sister that I was considering killing her because she was just an incredible person who I loved so much and I didn't want her to suffer anymore and so on. Yes. I am bat shit lmao.

Even romantically I've only ever been in love once and she CTBed in highschool (some time ago for me lol) and I'm demisexual, have BPD so I'm very obsessive once I get attached and I don't even think I could enjoy being with someone even if I was in love with them because I'm not in a body I'd like to be in a relationship in. But somehow... I still want to love someone so bad it hurts terrible.

So I would worry even if you lost the ability to fall in love you would still just be yearning to fall in love but unable, because that is what the chemicals and neurons firing in our brains tell us to do and I mean, that okay : \ it's a pretty mystical chemical system even if it is just matter and electrons so we may as well just try and appreciate our love for each other even if it hurts and is kind of terrible sometimes

 

[emptymiku]

I'd have to agree, I do think people should have the right to choose whether they want to live if they want but I don't believe that almost anyone is worthless. Despite the horrible things they sometimes do people's minds are overall really beautiful and fascinating and have so much value.

I'd also say never falling in love doesn't really solve the issue if you still love and yearn to be loved. It sounds dumb but for as long as I can remember even as a young child I've loved every living thing so much it's painful. It hurts so bad to love everything so much but have no outlet for it and to see it all suffering so much and feeling unable to help and unworthy because of it. I mean I would hit myself in the head when ants got squished, I shot my brother with a bb gun indoors because he killed a mouse, and I once told my sister that I was considering killing her because she was just an incredible person who I loved so much and I didn't want her to suffer anymore and so on. Yes. I am bat shit lmao.

Even romantically I've only ever been in love once and she CTBed in highschool (some time ago for me lol) and I'm demisexual, have BPD so I'm very obsessive once I get attached and I don't even think I could enjoy being with someone even if I was in love with them because I'm not in a body I'd like to be in a relationship in. But somehow... I still want to love someone so bad it hurts terrible.

So I would worry even if you lost the ability to fall in love you would still just be yearning to fall in love but unable, because that is what the chemicals and neurons firing in our brains tell us to do and I mean, that okay : \ it's a pretty mystical chemical system even if it is just matter and electrons so we may as well just try and appreciate our love for each other even if it hurts and is kind of terrible sometimes

this reply is really helpful in a way. i yearn for someone so badly and it's destroying me, but maybe someday i can be loved in return :(

 

[AndrewWood'sDeath]

this reply is really helpful in a way. i yearn for someone so badly and it's destroying me, but maybe someday i can be loved in return :(

I hope so and I think you will.