Being almost psychotic

[Dinnerwith6]

I keep getting delusions that I don't realise I have, and by the time someone asks if there's something wrong it's become obsolete, and bringing up would feel false. I want to say it with confidence, but there's never a session where I get to, so instead I shut up and answer with the same "I don't know". Because I genuinely don't know until like months later and at that point I don't think I'm in need of any help. And it's hard to tell if I've stopped believing in it or if my mind has just moved on to the next shiny thing, maybe it is there shoved at the very back of my brain.

And how am I supposed to know if what I saw were hallucinations or hallucinations caused by something outside? Is there a checkbox in what I need to check to be certain that what I'm experiencing isn't just something the human body normally does? For all I know, all my symptoms could have been a wild coincidence and they just so happened to appear at the same time.

 

[SurrealCereal]

This 100%. Literally thinking the same right now. I unfortunately don't have a wise answer but I hope you knowing you are not alone helps. The concept of reality is incredibly scary.

Honestly, if you just blend out the sad stuff for a second, I do find it kind of funny the more I think about it. I got informed that others don't have these little constant reality bugs. That they don't have them or blindly accept reality? Like wait, what?! People actually just trust their senses and move on?

Like if a car drives by playing the same song I was just listening to earlier today I'm immediately thinking wait, was that real? What if it is real? Why are they doing that, are they mocking me for my bad music taste?! And then I'm going down this whole checklist in my head trying to figure out what the most likely answer is. I sometimes need a dozen minutes to interpret even a basic tiny detail in my everyday life.

And people apparently just... don't do that? They just think "oh cool song" or don't even notice and keep going?! It's wild to me that people just exist without running a full reality assessment in their head for every random thing. Just mind blown, that's all.

Maybe they are the odd ones after all, not us :D

I hope this thought makes you smile a little as well. Was worth a shot.

 

[Dinnerwith6]

This 100%. Literally thinking the same right now. I unfortunately don't have a wise answer but I hope you knowing you are not alone helps. The concept of reality is incredibly scary.

Honestly, if you just blend out the sad stuff for a second, I do find it kind of funny the more I think about it. I got informed that others don't have these little constant reality bugs. That they don't have them or blindly accept reality? Like wait, what?! People actually just trust their senses and move on?

Like if a car drives by playing the same song I was just listening to earlier today I'm immediately thinking wait, was that real? What if it is real? Why are they doing that, are they mocking me for my bad music taste?! And then I'm going down this whole checklist in my head trying to figure out what the most likely answer is. I sometimes need a dozen minutes to interpret even a basic tiny detail in my everyday life.

And people apparently just... don't do that? They just think "oh cool song" or don't even notice and keep going?! It's wild to me that people just exist without running a full reality assessment in their head for every random thing. Just mind blown, that's all.

Maybe they are the odd ones after all, not us :D

I hope this thought makes you smile a little as well. Was worth a shot.

YES. I can't wrap my head around how people can go on with their life without having such issues. When someone loses something, their mind would usually go to "Ah, where did I put that thing again" while my brain immediately goes to "Did someone take over my body for half a day. Is that why I can't remember where I put things"

And it's so easy for people to say "Well that's not possible" "What kind of assumption is that" "That doesn't even make sense" I KNOW IT DOESN'T but my brain doesn't care. That's the funny part!

I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who's constantly having these contradicting thoughts. You do not know how nice it is to hear that. Especially when trying to get these thoughts out into an actual coherent sentence is a pain. This definitely made me smile a lot :)