Camel
Idiot.
- Aug 19, 2023
- 12
This is going to be quite a long post, thank you if you bother to read it.
As of the past week and a half I've been in a state of constant panic due to one of my friends telling me that I need to change if I want to continue being friends with them. Without this person I will lose all of my friends and they are the only friend group I have. There is a few reasons as to why this is happening, so I'll go over her main issues with me.
As of recently I've started fantasizing over the thought of being able to hurt her, and cut her. It was probably a stupid idea to tell her but I wanted her to know incase I acted on those thoughts and she would be ready for it, and on the Saturday before the last one I did act on those and I tried to cut her arm. Since then she was acting quite cold with me, which is, quite fair and I didn't mind that much until the night of the day after where she was requesting to talk to me about something. I didn't see the message until the morning and we talked and she told me that I couldn't continue to act the way I was acting and if I didn't change then we wouldn't be friends anymore. Her other main issue was that I'm too dependent on her, which is most definitely true and I'm not going to deny that. The only time I'm ever happy is when I'm out with her on weekends, so my happiness is essentially reliant on her alone. That might just be it and that's already too much of a problem for her, but aside from that I don't really know how else I am dependant on her, I understand I am, I just don't know how I am.
So over the past week I've been trying to get help but everything just feels so fucking difficult. I'm going to be starting therapy soon but I don't know how long it'll take to start or if she'll still bother to want to be friends before it starts. Basically what I'm asking is how I can be a better person, I understand if none of you having anything specific considering my vagueness, but even just basic tips on being a good person would be great, This friendship is essentially deciding whether or not I continue bothering to live, as without it there's nothing in my life to look forward to except misery.
As of the past week and a half I've been in a state of constant panic due to one of my friends telling me that I need to change if I want to continue being friends with them. Without this person I will lose all of my friends and they are the only friend group I have. There is a few reasons as to why this is happening, so I'll go over her main issues with me.
As of recently I've started fantasizing over the thought of being able to hurt her, and cut her. It was probably a stupid idea to tell her but I wanted her to know incase I acted on those thoughts and she would be ready for it, and on the Saturday before the last one I did act on those and I tried to cut her arm. Since then she was acting quite cold with me, which is, quite fair and I didn't mind that much until the night of the day after where she was requesting to talk to me about something. I didn't see the message until the morning and we talked and she told me that I couldn't continue to act the way I was acting and if I didn't change then we wouldn't be friends anymore. Her other main issue was that I'm too dependent on her, which is most definitely true and I'm not going to deny that. The only time I'm ever happy is when I'm out with her on weekends, so my happiness is essentially reliant on her alone. That might just be it and that's already too much of a problem for her, but aside from that I don't really know how else I am dependant on her, I understand I am, I just don't know how I am.
So over the past week I've been trying to get help but everything just feels so fucking difficult. I'm going to be starting therapy soon but I don't know how long it'll take to start or if she'll still bother to want to be friends before it starts. Basically what I'm asking is how I can be a better person, I understand if none of you having anything specific considering my vagueness, but even just basic tips on being a good person would be great, This friendship is essentially deciding whether or not I continue bothering to live, as without it there's nothing in my life to look forward to except misery.
