Kris
Feel empty and hopeless
- Mar 20, 2023
- 1
So real quick I already know that this site is mainly used for people who have locked in on CTB, and while I'm not on that rout entirely I have started drifting towards that path. A little while back I had gotten close to actually CTB however that attempt failed and I've just been to scared to try again I suppose.
It's just as of late I feel like I haven't been able to live up to everyone's expectations for how to live my life. I do my best in school though my parents don't think it's good enough (fyi have a 4.2 weighted gpa entering senior year), I feel I can't really open up to them about my sexuality due to them being pretty homophobic, getting treated like a punching bag and being one step away from winning in sports, and never being able to succeed in holding a stable relationship.
I just feel useless, and like a burden on everyone around me. All I do is work and yet all I get is "not everything is about you" or "we know what's best for you". I don't feel comfortable talking n my body, as I've struggled with eating disorders and now they're starting to pollute my mind again. I've started self harming though I've had to stop cause of a physical coming up so my parents won't find out, though I'll probably just cut somewhere they won't check like my shoulders.
I just worry that if I do end up telling someone they'll either belittle me, blame me, or send me to some psych ward. I can't tell my parents cause they'll just yell at me, and say I'm seeking attention and if I tell an adult they'll tell my parents. Idk if I should even feel this way tbh. Cause before I would be so emotional just talking about this while now I mostly just feel numb.
Anyways that's my rant for now, I just thought maybe I could to relate to some people feeling a similar way.
It's just as of late I feel like I haven't been able to live up to everyone's expectations for how to live my life. I do my best in school though my parents don't think it's good enough (fyi have a 4.2 weighted gpa entering senior year), I feel I can't really open up to them about my sexuality due to them being pretty homophobic, getting treated like a punching bag and being one step away from winning in sports, and never being able to succeed in holding a stable relationship.
I just feel useless, and like a burden on everyone around me. All I do is work and yet all I get is "not everything is about you" or "we know what's best for you". I don't feel comfortable talking n my body, as I've struggled with eating disorders and now they're starting to pollute my mind again. I've started self harming though I've had to stop cause of a physical coming up so my parents won't find out, though I'll probably just cut somewhere they won't check like my shoulders.
I just worry that if I do end up telling someone they'll either belittle me, blame me, or send me to some psych ward. I can't tell my parents cause they'll just yell at me, and say I'm seeking attention and if I tell an adult they'll tell my parents. Idk if I should even feel this way tbh. Cause before I would be so emotional just talking about this while now I mostly just feel numb.
Anyways that's my rant for now, I just thought maybe I could to relate to some people feeling a similar way.
