Venting Becoming too bitter.

[Kokonoe]

It happened again. He's gone. Everyone else is gone. It's still my fault.

But I can't stand the isolation. I used to be so bitter because of the isolation and loneliness, and once my life got better I was freed from that bitterness. But nothing good ever lasts. In just a day I lost everything. I am alone again. And the bitterness comes back. I hate him so much. Just seeing his name or anything at all from him makes me physically shake. I can't stand it. The pain is too much. And all I feel is hatred. Towards him, towards myself, towards my life, towards everyone. I don't know if I can say things like this on this site, but I used to struggle with genuine thoughts and urges to hurt others, and now that's back, too. I want to kill him. I think as long as he lives I'll never be free. He'll always continue to hurt me. His death is the only way for me to ever feel free. If by some chance I ever come across him again, I think I would attempt to kill him. I'm tired of giving up everything in my life just to avoid him. I'm tired of just letting him always show back up and forcing me out. I can't have anything. I won't let it happen again. I won't lose anything else. If he shows up again, he won't even live long enough to see the next day.

I truly hate myself for these thoughts, and I know it makes me a disgusting person. I knew I would end up like this again. But now it hurts even worse after getting just a taste of what it was like when things could be better.

 

[ArteriesBindEveryon]

It happened again. He's gone. Everyone else is gone. It's still my fault.

But I can't stand the isolation. I used to be so bitter because of the isolation and loneliness, and once my life got better I was freed from that bitterness. But nothing good ever lasts. In just a day I lost everything. I am alone again. And the bitterness comes back. I hate him so much. Just seeing his name or anything at all from him makes me physically shake. I can't stand it. The pain is too much. And all I feel is hatred. Towards him, towards myself, towards my life, towards everyone. I don't know if I can say things like this on this site, but I used to struggle with genuine thoughts and urges to hurt others, and now that's back, too. I want to kill him. I think as long as he lives I'll never be free. He'll always continue to hurt me. His death is the only way for me to ever feel free. If by some chance I ever come across him again, I think I would attempt to kill him. I'm tired of giving up everything in my life just to avoid him. I'm tired of just letting him always show back up and forcing me out. I can't have anything. I won't let it happen again. I won't lose anything else. If he shows up again, he won't even live long enough to see the next day.

I truly hate myself for these thoughts, and I know it makes me a disgusting person. I knew I would end up like this again. But now it hurts even worse after getting just a taste of what it was like when things could be better.

I'm sorry, some people are the worst. What did he do to hurt you?

 

[ADBoy777]

It happened again. He's gone. Everyone else is gone. It's still my fault.

But I can't stand the isolation. I used to be so bitter because of the isolation and loneliness, and once my life got better I was freed from that bitterness. But nothing good ever lasts. In just a day I lost everything. I am alone again. And the bitterness comes back. I hate him so much. Just seeing his name or anything at all from him makes me physically shake. I can't stand it. The pain is too much. And all I feel is hatred. Towards him, towards myself, towards my life, towards everyone. I don't know if I can say things like this on this site, but I used to struggle with genuine thoughts and urges to hurt others, and now that's back, too. I want to kill him. I think as long as he lives I'll never be free. He'll always continue to hurt me. His death is the only way for me to ever feel free. If by some chance I ever come across him again, I think I would attempt to kill him. I'm tired of giving up everything in my life just to avoid him. I'm tired of just letting him always show back up and forcing me out. I can't have anything. I won't let it happen again. I won't lose anything else. If he shows up again, he won't even live long enough to see the next day.

I truly hate myself for these thoughts, and I know it makes me a disgusting person. I knew I would end up like this again. But now it hurts even worse after getting just a taste of what it was like when things could be better.

Hits hard tho. I had the same experience after I tried to take my distance from relationships and then she came build my trust again just to ruin it more than ever.

I'm sorry he made you feel that way