Beauty Is Not On The Inside

[Life sucks]

Humans are superficial and will always operate and judge by the outside. That's how they are programmed and how life is. What's inside is something they never know

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

Thank you me too omg me too. Its amazing what 1.5 hrs in a chair can do to destroy your whole life. This cant be my life i cant live like this.

Rightfully so. You've been hurt and ruined by some moron with a scalpel. It wasn't your fault. It was never your fault. x

 

[Kingkelly]

Humans are superficial and will always operate and judge by the outside. That's how they are programmed and how life is. What's inside is something they never know

Im a good person I didnt deserve this. Yes it isnt what is on the inside that people care about.

 

[Ame]

I'm sorry about your situation and all of the negative emotions you are experiencing as a result.
I don't know the details beyond what you've shared with us in this thread, but maybe you can opt
for a surgical revision? If the surgery was relatively recent, you may still be experiencing some residual
swelling and inflammation. Recovery from physical trauma (and that is what any surgery is) can take months.

Regardless I won't feed you platitudes or lie to you. Conventionally attractive people are received more positively
overall and can be given certain hands up for their good looks. However, that isn't to say that having a beautiful
personality is without merit. It may be more difficult to get your foot in the door, but there are people who can see
beyond the exterior once they get to know a person.

Everyone grows old and ugly. In the grand scheme of things, I think that a lot of people would rather invest in a
relationship with a pleasant person than one who is beautiful but lacking in other areas (but these things are not
mutually exclusive either). I can relate to dysphoria surrounding the body. I am actively avoid catching my reflection
and internally apologize for having to be seen.

I am just wondering what lies under all of your pain?
Is it feeling hideous or do you fear that you will invariably
be rejected by others and denied love?

It is a terrifying prospect for sure...but no matter what I or anyone else thinks,
it is difficult when you cannot accept yourself no?

 

[JSauter]

KingKelly,

Someone smart once told me that everyone enters the world perfect but ends up leaving a bit banged up. I have a disfigured lip from when a friend accidentally threw a sharp object at my face. It was stitched up by some amateur doctor, but the way it healed made my lip crooked, limp, and full of scar tissue. It looks quite disfigured and wrong - like a dog's jowls on one side of my face. I resent this individual for doing something to my face that nobody else has on theirs. When I see pictures or videos of other people, sometimes all I can focus on are their lips and how normal they are. I don't like having my picture taken, or looking in the mirror, and if I spend any appreciable amount of time thinking about it, it upsets me. This happened over 15 years ago and it's still something i can obsess over. I find some days i can obsess about it to the point where I could cry, and other times I can go weeks without really thinking about it.

But in reality, nobody cares as much as I do. Others have noticed it, but barely (or they politely don't bring it up). I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I think we're our own worst enemy when it comes to this stuff. You're not alone.

 

[Stan]

I think it is hard to not have an opinion at immediate first sight of someone, it is human nature. Social media proves that to some extent. How many 'regular looking' A list Hollywood stars are there. We can't deny that. For those who have great personalities and charisma, it takes certain social situations for that to be seen. I wish it wasn't so, but that is the way humanity is hard wired.

 

[Kingkelly]

Rightfully so. You've been hurt and ruined by some moron with a scalpel. It wasn't your fault. It was never your fault. x

my heart hearts my soul hurts it is not fair

 

[DoNotLet2]

Beautiful women: *shaves her head and is bald* "Look I am so bald and it doesn't matter! Appearance doesn't matter!"
I think: Wtf, you look great, if I shaved my head it would be awful and people would make fun of me, so yeah appearance does matter. Appearance doesn't matter is said by good-looking and accepted people.
I am weird I just don't have my brain wired to cared about someone's appearance unless they don't care about their hygiene.

Let me hug you. There are people who don't really care about your face. There are people who love you because you are you. They are just so hard to find.

 

[Ratherbeskinny]

I never had plastic surgery or anything like that, but I agree that beauty isn't about what's on the inside. Not for the most part, atleast.

 

[hobbydevil]

Those bastard doctors. They didn't do a lot of psychological testing on you? Did you tell them about your years of abuse? I'm so glad you didn't get the bottom done!

I had about a year of therapy and two evaluations by two other therapists. But it's not worth much when the whole diagnosis is based on a load of bs and stereotypes. :') I suspect there's going to be many more cases like mine in the future tbh.

I couldn't tell anyone about the abuse because I was still "friends" with my abuser at the time (out of fear mostly) and didn't even take what had been happening seriously.
My therapist was also just a massive sexist narcissist so I kind of doubt it would have even changed much...

 

[Starseedchip]

Hugs to you, I can sadly relate. I was considered cute before but ever since ive gotten sick and my appearance has changed so has the way people treat me. Its tough but there are a few really genuine people who will look past it. If you ever need someone to talk to you can message me

 

[ManWithNoName]

Thank you me too omg me too. Its amazing what 1.5 hrs in a chair can do to destroy your whole life.

Indeed—like a car accident or some other unexpected tragedy. It has been said in story (Shakespeare for example) and in song that "life ain't fair", but that expression is far more vivid when one is actually experiencing the unfairness.

 

[Midnight]

I feel sorry things went so wrong for you. Just yesterday when i read your thread i coincidently felt really bad for a person i know aswell. To me she was the most beautiful girl i layed eyes upon (truly) but she felt she had issue's with her looks ... i could not for the life of me convince her otherwise. Yesterday i saw a selfie of her on whatsapp (haven't seen her irl for some time now) and she has obviously undergone some type of either plastic surgery or facelifting idk what it is. I was shocked and saddened like you wouldn't believe ... the way she looks now it's just so much worse than it was before. I honestly don't know if i should say anything to her. I miss her very much ...

I remember one time she talked about what she felt was wrong with her face and used her fingers to exaggerate it and i said no! And took her hands from her face and hugged her and told her she was the most beautiful person i've ever known/seen. It was such a nice moment to feel her being comforted.
I wish it would have helped her see that there was nothing wrong but obviously she couldn't see anything else than what she found imperfect.

Anyway i feel for your pain. I hope one day you can get over this however small the odds may be.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

Yes it isnt what is on the inside that people care about.

I agree with you. And there are volumes of published professional studies that corroborate your feelings. Sure, personality matters to others. But that's never been the question. Physical appearance matters profoundly. Appearance is like a potential energy transition-state barrier to interpersonal relationships.

 

[Kingkelly]

Id love to give the name of the doctor that way everyone knows to stay far away from him and not let him touch their eyes. and never let him do a "cheek" lift and pulltheir faces up to the sides of their head and he removes way too much skin. I never needed any skin removed from my face. Why did i do this. Fuck you dr

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

I feel you Kingkelly. had been botched too. I was stupid and didn't listen to people who advised against going to a surgeon who doesn't specialize in FFS but I was blind for some reason, I didn't want to wait anymore. At the last moment I wasn't sure and didn't want to go with him but chain of events unfolded in a way that led me to this surgeon. I didn't want to upset my ex and ruin her plans because she invited her boyfriend while I am away and I was very dysphoric about my face, I couldn't wait.
Now I have uneven forehead, bald spots in my hair where insicision was made and overall I don't like how I look.. at all.
I am a shadow of a person who I was, I feel deformed and ugly. I am afraid of leaving house and being in public.
It was the most traumatic experience in my life that shattered my self value and all my hopes.
Now I am suicidal, I cry several times a day and have urges to kill myself.
I might have another surgeries to fix it but I don't believe that damage can be truely fixed and that would be all my money.
I just wanted to like my face, not being dysphoric and have relationships.
Now it's all gone to trash.

 

[Return2Dust]

@Kingkelly, my heart goes out to you. I can't begin to imagine your pain. Can you go to another dr to have the surgery revised? There are plastic surgeons who can work miracles. It might be worth a 2nd opinion.

 

[Kingkelly]

@Kingkelly, my heart goes out to you. I can't begin to imagine your pain. Can you go to another dr to have the surgery revised? There are plastic surgeons who can work miracles. It might be worth a 2nd opinion.

IVe gotten 10 second options so much damage was done surgery risks would out weigh benefits. :( my soul hurts everyday I should a listened to everyone. I was beautiful. So much shame regret and pain. I cant take this anymore.

 

[Reyki6667]

People say beauty is on the inside but they say that and then they see me and judge me....It is a lie...society judges me on outward appearance. It doesnt matter what anyone says even people on here who say that I bet if they saw me in the street they would not be kind. It is all fucked....The deepest regret of my life and I have done some dumb stuff this is the ultimate kicker. Plastic surgery ruined my eyes face and life. Omg this doesnt even seem real but it is. I will never be accepted by society again. I am an idiot. Fuck doctors. Im hurting so bad and I AM NOT OK!

I agree with the beauty is on the inside things, since I'll never judge based on appearance when knowing the context of someone's life, and I really enjoy personality over an artificial superficial shallow sex doll.
But then there is instinct, we are bound to get somewhat attracted to what our body judge to be great and repulsed by others
in the actual world of superficiality its hard and very hard to see people who go over their sense of basic instinct and learn to control themselves..

 

[Wayfaerer]

Despite living in a society that protests superficiality, it exalts it subconsciously. I'm not criticizing shallowness because physical attraction is very important (i.e. genetic health) but the hypocrisy is completely self-serving. It's so people can behave like animals but feel better on the inside about themselves at the same time just like all feel-good Hallmark crap people like to spout.

 

[n0505]

i know that feel

 

[hatelife]

I agree but since that isnt the case my time here is limited. I wont live like this forever. THis isnt my face this isnt me my identity was taken Im ready to go soon. Tired of being judged and mean people

yes I too have experienced this, I never left my house in a year, maybe once in a half year, only this past months have I started leaving the house and facing ppl looks. Before that they were cruel, also a lady gave me an mean look just few days ago, I started crying after that, I cant take ppl being mean to me, I even hate how I look on the inside, im rotten :( feeling like a demon or something.

Despite living in a society that protests superficiality, it exalts it subconsciously. I'm not criticizing shallowness because physical attraction is very important (i.e. genetic health) but the hypocrisy is completely self-serving. It's so people can behave like animals but feel better on the inside about themselves at the same time just like all feel-good Hallmark crap people like to spout.

yeah but I think its the combination that makes a person, I dont know how some ppl can say outside dont matter, so if it doesnt matter u would sleep with a man even if you are straight, but find him funny and interesting personality? we live in a material world, and im not even pretty but I get this, its the same with saying money doesnt matter (to me it doesnt) but most women want a man who has alot of money so they dont have to work, its like in animal kingdom, he has to provide for her and her kids, money is more important or status/career in a man than in a woman its looks. thats the society today, its not like animals mate because of good personality...

 

[waterbottleman]

One conclusion I've come to as I get older is that most people's words dont mean all that much because their actual actions contradict what they say they want.

E.G women say they want nice men who are sensitive but experience says otherwise, they more often than not end up dating a ton of guys who are abusive assholes until they want kids in which case they marry a nice guy who will be a good father but often the marriage ends up turning into a dead bedroom because deep down the women aren't sexually attracted to the kind of men their husbands are and yearn for the douchebags on a sexual level.

Take a look at US politics as another example, vast majority of voters say they want "change" and hate Congress, yet every time an election rolls around what do the voters do? They vote for the exact same people into office over and over again ignoring the other candidates in the primary races. politicians in congress have an over 90 percent chance of being re-elected, yet they are universally hated by the voters at the same time.

with the dating example I don't single out women to imply only they say one thing and do something else, I wouldn't be surprised if guys werent any different. However I'm a straight male so I've never dated guys and hence lack insight into any contradictions straight guys may partake in.

Theres countless cases of this everywhere, which raises the interesting question of why people do this. Why do so many people say they want X but when it comes to their actual actions they end up choosing the opposite of what they say they want? Social conformity, social pressure, lying to others, lying to themselves? Maybe the real truth is that people don't really know what they want, so they just give the answer that is socially popular to say. Or maybe most people are incredibly self unaware? Or perhaps another possibility is that we do know what we want, but what we really want is usually unobtainable so we compromise with what we believe to be the preferable but highly flawed and imperfect alternative?

Whatever the reason may be the observation is accurate, people say a lot of things that their actions don't live up to their words.

 

[Elbarado]

Hey Kingkelly

I feel sorry to hear your story :(
But don't end your life because of your face or because you feel ugly.
Although i dont know how you are looking or how you feel and suffer, you are physical healhy,so dont please dont throw away your life.
Try to get a therapy or another face surgery doctor ( this time with a second or third opiniom from other docs),if you cant go on like this or the therapy doesnt work.

Well you know... a lot of people are superficial,well..i think all,even me,you and many others in a way.
You cant tell someones inner beauty from 10 metres away ;) so thats why we are all superficial in away.
But hey: whats beauty and whats not is very subjective. For example im not appealed by models, they re "too" perfect what makes them not attractive to me. They have no edges.
One like redhair,the other one blonde. Another one likes thin women,another wants a big fat mama :P and so on.
You know what im getting at.
I bet you have something your are fine with (your body).
Try to make these sides of you shine.
And try to make the best of your face (maybe make up,maybe accessoires).

Forget about the people who judge you by ur face,or who make jokes about you.i know it hurts,but be sure,you dont want them as your friends.

Maybe someone doesnt find you ugly,or unattractive and you just think that they think...in that spot you would prejudge them. Maybe there is someone who is impressed how openminded,confident,and so on you are despite or because of your face. Its hard to explain.but even objectivly beautiful people have depts.

 

[OneBigBlur]

You shouldn't generalize towards everyone, nobody has the same idea of beauty. Physical attraction is part of our biological nature but that does not mean that it's more important than who you are internally. Many people have relationships that are superficial and I can tell you without a doubt that they are completely worthless. I would always want someone in my life that treated me well regardless of how they looked over someone who was a model and treated me like a piece of garbage. There is a lot wrong with what people value but that doesn't mean that it's the case for everyone.

 

[LastFlowers]

You shouldn't generalize towards everyone, nobody has the same idea of beauty. Physical attraction is part of our biological nature but that does not mean that it's more important than who you are internally. Many people have relationships that are superficial and I can tell you without a doubt that they are completely worthless. I would always want someone in my life that treated me well regardless of how they looked over someone who was a model and treated me like a piece of garbage. There is a lot wrong with what people value but that doesn't mean that it's the case for everyone.

People do largely have the same idea of beauty.
Whether they're going to admit it or have the knowledge to assess it down to a science, that's a fact of life.
Don't blame the victim.

Has nothing to do with "looking like a model", that's an over exaggeration.
Plenty of objectively physically attractive people are not models.
Most relationships (not just romantic/sexual) still judge on appearance, one way or another..sometimes unattractive people are chosen simply because they make the other person feel better about themselves.
Is that any more pleasant?
Looks are always a factor, just a matter of how and to what degree.
It can be more complex and fucked up than you may be able to ascertain when already unwilling to give up the faith that anyone on this planet could bypass this phenomenon completely..when most can't even do so at all, and are not hard-pressed to try (and they should try..a lot harder than they do.)

I've met people who think they lack all shallowness towards appearance and they are actually more irritating to have a conversation with than the ones who freely admit to it.
Making them aware of the more covert ways that they treat one person versus another is taken as an attack on their ego and how they see themselves as a good person…or they start to worry that they might be getting by on their own looks (or thinking about how their partner would not have given them the time of day otherwise) and they don't want to think about their privilege or what that has meant over the course of their life.
All manner of reasonings as to why people get uncomfortable and defensive about this topic.
Usually the ones who suffer the consequences the least.

It shouldn't be more important than who they are internally, but it always proves to be.
As I said, even those who profess a lack of superficiality usually don't realize just how much they contribute to such..each and every day.

 

[etherealgoddess]

People say beauty is on the inside but they say that and then they see me and judge me....It is a lie...society judges me on outward appearance. It doesnt matter what anyone says even people on here who say that I bet if they saw me in the street they would not be kind. It is all fucked....The deepest regret of my life and I have done some dumb stuff this is the ultimate kicker. Plastic surgery ruined my eyes face and life. Omg this doesnt even seem real but it is. I will never be accepted by society again. I am an idiot. Fuck doctors. Im hurting so bad and I AM NOT OK!

Beauty is only important for strangers and people who you don't know that well. But for deep relationships, I believe that beauty isn't that important. There will be cheaters and most of us would lust at least a little for an attractive fellow who isn't our partner, but being a cheater is more about the cheater themselves rather than the partner being good enough. Deep relationships bring actual fulfillment. Being attractive to every stranger is honestly useless. They just are interested in you if you're attractive in a fake way, and if you have humor or intelligence, you will go way farther than an average-humor average-intelligence attractive person.