Maybe because you wanted people to notice, maybe as a cry for help, maybe because you didn't know where else to do it. This might make me a bad person, but I've been wanting to cut my arms just so people would notice. (I have BPD and a fuckton of rage over a breakup).
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Yes. I've cut my face before, because I wanted to shock people and for them to wonder what happened to me. I hate it when people say stuff like "people don't self harm/talk about suicide for attention" because yes, we do sometimes, and the thing is, it's not a bad thing to want attention. It's a very normal human thing to want to feel like we matter and for people to pay attention to us and think about us. Seeking attention is not an inherently negative thing. It doesn't make you a bad person at all in my opinion, friend.
LastFlowers
the haru that can read
- Apr 27, 2019
- 2,170
Not purposely for others to see and they were isolated incidents that were the equivalent of an animal attacking/harming itself while cornered because it was too vulnerable to directly attack what/who was cornering it.
..I would not call any of the few times an actual attempt on my life though, just madness and terror stemming from mistreatment and inability to escape.
I also tend to have the desire to tear my skin off and "walk" right out of this flesh prison, so maybe that was a subconscious factor (not very rational).
A couple of the scars are large (glass cuts deep with very little pressure) but not that noticeable..one of them is a nasty, wrinkled discolored mess but it's not on my arms or face so it's more easily concealed..I'm not quite sure why it turned out so much worse than the others but I certainly don't want anyone to look at it (the rest of my face and body is humiliating enough..I think that's actually part of the reason I cut the shit with the "self-harm", I just couldn't afford to look any worse or have my flesh hacked any further. Some people can get away with it, I absolutely cannot).
That was a long time ago.
I'm not the type who can succeed in obtaining attention or care that way, people don't give a damn. I learned that lesson quickly.
It's also foolish. Because for every person who comes running to a self-harmer's aid and showers them with favorable attention, there is another person who will turn away and project shame onto the idea of physically harming one's own self.
It's also a pain in the ass if you're going to the doctor or getting bloodwork and they notice..then the questions and the assumptions start rolling in, you could be there for a medical health reason and they will turn it into a mental health one.
And in a professional setting, you won't be thought of as someone who is competent, but rather an emotional ticking time bomb.
I understand the urge and the impulse but I detest actual planning and manipulative intent behind the action.
..I would not call any of the few times an actual attempt on my life though, just madness and terror stemming from mistreatment and inability to escape.
I also tend to have the desire to tear my skin off and "walk" right out of this flesh prison, so maybe that was a subconscious factor (not very rational).
A couple of the scars are large (glass cuts deep with very little pressure) but not that noticeable..one of them is a nasty, wrinkled discolored mess but it's not on my arms or face so it's more easily concealed..I'm not quite sure why it turned out so much worse than the others but I certainly don't want anyone to look at it (the rest of my face and body is humiliating enough..I think that's actually part of the reason I cut the shit with the "self-harm", I just couldn't afford to look any worse or have my flesh hacked any further. Some people can get away with it, I absolutely cannot).
That was a long time ago.
I'm not the type who can succeed in obtaining attention or care that way, people don't give a damn. I learned that lesson quickly.
It's also foolish. Because for every person who comes running to a self-harmer's aid and showers them with favorable attention, there is another person who will turn away and project shame onto the idea of physically harming one's own self.
It's also a pain in the ass if you're going to the doctor or getting bloodwork and they notice..then the questions and the assumptions start rolling in, you could be there for a medical health reason and they will turn it into a mental health one.
And in a professional setting, you won't be thought of as someone who is competent, but rather an emotional ticking time bomb.
I understand the urge and the impulse but I detest actual planning and manipulative intent behind the action.
nys
mors mihi lucrum
- Jun 1, 2022
- 269
In later elementary & middle school I'd sometimes cut myself with a staple I kept in my pencil case. One time I did it with a boxcutter but rlly lightly so no one would notice. I'd do it in the middle of class bc I didn't want to ask to go to the bathroom since I thought it might be suspicious + I had really bad social anxiety, so there was nowhere for me to do it but in the classroom whenever I had the urge to. didn't want ppl to notice bc I worried abt being forced into a psych ward- I'm pretty sure a few ppl must have tho, bc I'd do it a lot, but they didn't rlly care
There was also this one time in 8th grade I got rlly distracted when we were using our computers and I started searching up poisonous meds to ctb with & the teacher had this software to see what we did on our laptops but when she saw mine she said I shld be doing my work and she was pretty mad. The whole day I was rlly worried abt her telling my parents but nothing ever happened. At the time I was happy whenever people wouldn't care when I searched up ctb methods or self harmed bc it meant my parents wouldnt know- now I wish someone cared more bc maybe I wouldn't be in this situation now if someone cared enough back then and tried to help
There was also this one time in 8th grade I got rlly distracted when we were using our computers and I started searching up poisonous meds to ctb with & the teacher had this software to see what we did on our laptops but when she saw mine she said I shld be doing my work and she was pretty mad. The whole day I was rlly worried abt her telling my parents but nothing ever happened. At the time I was happy whenever people wouldn't care when I searched up ctb methods or self harmed bc it meant my parents wouldnt know- now I wish someone cared more bc maybe I wouldn't be in this situation now if someone cared enough back then and tried to help
FinalDestiny
God’s in his heaven. All’s right with the world.
- May 30, 2022
- 22
Don't worry, you are not abnormal in wanting to scream, roil or destroy to let these emotions out. I do think there may be a better way to deal with it. I am pretty new to this, but I do think that understand why you could think that would be a way to reach out to people. My first thought would be wondering what that person's ultimate intention would be.
I would think that the first reaction of anyone that sees your wounds would be pity or even shock. After that initial novelty wears off, I think they'll try to force you into some type of therapy or to seek help. I guess, depending on what you expect to get out of showing someone your wounds, this may or may not be beneficial. I think I have some form of BPD myself but that's self-diagnosed. I'm only really now starting to pay attention to myself. I have some pretty nasty outbursts when I feel like I am unable to bottle my emotions up and I end up acting pretty crazy.
I understand the frustration of losing someone so close to you and it know definitely hurts a lot. Much like LastFlowers said, sometimes we tend to act out of instinct or we lash out because we cannot understand how to process these emotions.
I know that it probably feels that in this moment the world is crashing down around you and on this moment its very easy to get tunnel-visioned. I don't think you want this person to return to you out of some form of pity or guilt. They may really only end up leaving you again when they think you're at a stable place. I'm sorry that I cannot tell you how to deal with these emotions either.
Follow with the stages of grief to keep yourself on some sort of plan or schedule. It is almost the same as not ever being able to speak to this person again. Remember that you don't have to go through the stages in any particular order and you may even move back and forth between a few stages depending on your own situation but you will get to acceptance at some point.
If this person hasn't actually passed, one upside to keep in mind is that you may eventually be able to reach out to this person. Keep in mind that they may they not want to have you back in their life. Give them their own time to process and eventually get their life moving forward as well.
Instead of drowing myself in pain or trying to cry out for help you may not want. What I would do in your situation is to throw myself into a hobby, a task or work even. Just don't make the same mistake that I did! Don't consume yourself with distractions for the rest of your life. Take some time every now and then to check yourself.
Check in with yourself and see if you are ready to deal with it. It is ok not to be for a while. No shame in it.
Try to spend time finding some part of yourself that you can appreciate on your own and build from there. It won't immediately pop out so expect to work on this for a little bit.
I tend to feel that I need someone else to make me feel better about myself as well. So I consume myself with them until they eventually get so tired of me that they either leave me or I push them away because I'm too needy.
You can survive this. I know you will. It's not very easy right now but that's only because you're facing the problem head-on right now.
As it becomes a footnote in your history, the pain will be less and less. It won't ever go away but, it will become bearable.
It hurts a lot now and it will probably hurt you for a long time to come but keep in mind that the pain does fade away eventually. Nothing in life, neither the good or bad will last forever.
I would think that the first reaction of anyone that sees your wounds would be pity or even shock. After that initial novelty wears off, I think they'll try to force you into some type of therapy or to seek help. I guess, depending on what you expect to get out of showing someone your wounds, this may or may not be beneficial. I think I have some form of BPD myself but that's self-diagnosed. I'm only really now starting to pay attention to myself. I have some pretty nasty outbursts when I feel like I am unable to bottle my emotions up and I end up acting pretty crazy.
I understand the frustration of losing someone so close to you and it know definitely hurts a lot. Much like LastFlowers said, sometimes we tend to act out of instinct or we lash out because we cannot understand how to process these emotions.
I know that it probably feels that in this moment the world is crashing down around you and on this moment its very easy to get tunnel-visioned. I don't think you want this person to return to you out of some form of pity or guilt. They may really only end up leaving you again when they think you're at a stable place. I'm sorry that I cannot tell you how to deal with these emotions either.
Follow with the stages of grief to keep yourself on some sort of plan or schedule. It is almost the same as not ever being able to speak to this person again. Remember that you don't have to go through the stages in any particular order and you may even move back and forth between a few stages depending on your own situation but you will get to acceptance at some point.
If this person hasn't actually passed, one upside to keep in mind is that you may eventually be able to reach out to this person. Keep in mind that they may they not want to have you back in their life. Give them their own time to process and eventually get their life moving forward as well.
Instead of drowing myself in pain or trying to cry out for help you may not want. What I would do in your situation is to throw myself into a hobby, a task or work even. Just don't make the same mistake that I did! Don't consume yourself with distractions for the rest of your life. Take some time every now and then to check yourself.
Check in with yourself and see if you are ready to deal with it. It is ok not to be for a while. No shame in it.
Try to spend time finding some part of yourself that you can appreciate on your own and build from there. It won't immediately pop out so expect to work on this for a little bit.
I tend to feel that I need someone else to make me feel better about myself as well. So I consume myself with them until they eventually get so tired of me that they either leave me or I push them away because I'm too needy.
You can survive this. I know you will. It's not very easy right now but that's only because you're facing the problem head-on right now.
As it becomes a footnote in your history, the pain will be less and less. It won't ever go away but, it will become bearable.
It hurts a lot now and it will probably hurt you for a long time to come but keep in mind that the pain does fade away eventually. Nothing in life, neither the good or bad will last forever.
potablewater784
Lurker
- Jun 22, 2022
- 49
I've never cut in a place where others would see, but I have thought of showing people my cuts before. I don't think it makes you a bad person if you do do it, though. It's very normal to want attention, and if you don't get it any other way, I understand why youd do it
Un-
I'm a failure. An absolute waste. A LOSEr.
- Apr 6, 2021
- 652
I know better not to. Like @LastFlowers said, people don't give two hoots and a rats ass about you. It does bring a sense of excitement, though. I've cut my wrists, and my palms, which means that basic things that require my hands would show my scars. A lot of people notice, and I know they notice but they don't say anything. Or do anything.
I don't blame anyone for not caring. It's taxing. I, myself, don't even like getting involved with stuff. We're not special. It's blazingly obvious that we're as significant to one another as centipedes.
I don't blame anyone for not caring. It's taxing. I, myself, don't even like getting involved with stuff. We're not special. It's blazingly obvious that we're as significant to one another as centipedes.
symphony
surving hour-by-hour
- Mar 12, 2022
- 779
I currently have scars on my arms and neck which are visible unless I'm wearing long sleeves and a scarf or something. (Although they don't really look like self-harm scars per se. People tend to think they look like bruises and I've been asked about them a couple of times by people wanting to make sure I was not being physically abused). Generally I self-harm in hidden areas. In these instances, I don't think I was thinking of their visibility, or if I was, I definitely didn't care.
Efilismislife
Psychopath family tortured me
- May 25, 2021
- 642
Scar on my wrist people around me like my family dont give a dam cause they theyre the cause of it anyway.
But sometimes have to cover it when going to doctor because there was a doctor thought i was a junkie becaus of it
sometimes making up excuse like cat scratches
But sometimes have to cover it when going to doctor because there was a doctor thought i was a junkie becaus of it
sometimes making up excuse like cat scratches
DreamSurfer
Beyond this reality the waves of peace await
- Apr 8, 2022
- 110
I cut into my hand and wrists on the surface just enough to bleed, a few times, with razors when I was in middle school. I think seeking attention/care that I wasn't getting at home. I also would use my thumb nail to cut the tissue open in my nose to cause nose bleeds, to get my parents to give me some attention. Looking back it was bad, but attention starved children will do what they can I guess.
