Story banger12 dedicated miscellaneous thoughts/musings diary

[banger12]

Just making this now so I can use later lol.

Also, is it weird to want to be buried with the ashes of my childhood cat or to want to write my own obituary?

Why do I even care? Even if that is weird who cares it doesn't matter

But I do care. Which is weird. And maybe dumb

 

[NoPoint2Life]

It's definitely not weird for either one. Two of my uncles both wrote their obituaries themselves so that my parents could submit it when they passed away.
And a lot of people are buried with something they loved or sentimental value. If that's the ashes, who cares?

 

[banger12]

I love my cat. I worry about how my death may effect her. But weirdly the idea that she wouldn't be effected or not understand my absence also bothers me. But I wouldn't want my cat hurt by my death either. What a paradox! Still, wtf is wrong with me? Part of me being bothered by the likleyhood that my cat won't care even though that's what I should want.

My cat is the only reason I've held on for so long. To protect her. Keep her safe. To make sure her surgery is fully paid for before I go. I love my cat.

I wish I got to see her more. My sleep schedule is fucked up and I live in the basement so I don't get to see my cat as much as I'd like. Plus dad and step-mom are clearly her favorites and I'm just sorta there in her mind anyway lol. But she did walk up to me and meow to greet me when I got home from work tonight which I loved.

Honestly I have a special relationship with cats that goes beyond them being "cute" or "sweet". They are one of the few things in this world that retain innocence and purity and I love them and have such a strong attachment to them as a species. Cats are one of the few things I don't let my cold, analytical mind ruin for me. And I love my cat especially.

Often I feel that cats are the only friends I've ever had. Certainly the only friends I had when I was a kid were cats. Either way you can trust them and even as a killer predator animal they have an innocence about them and innate beauty that humanity lacks. Cats are way more trustworthy than people. No exception. Cats are honest too.

I'm fucking scared of people anyway. I'm the stereotypical weird loser loner who feels way more hurt by the world than I deserve to and am overly scared.

Still, cats are amazing and I love mine so much.

Sorry if this is all dumb lol.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't think it's exactly dumb to have certain wishes to be carried out after we die. It's really interesting you have an ancient Egyptian themed pfp. They had incredible death rituals and beliefs about the afterlife. I think some of us maybe just have more poetic souls or- sides to us.

So, I don't really believe in an afterlife, but I like the idea of my ashes being scattered into the sea. It likely won't make any difference to me if they were flushed down the toilet! They may well end up in the same place anyway. But, the thought of being scattered into the sea is nice. I've always loved the sea.

Really though as humans, we've probably grown up with the idea that the dead need to be respected. Obviously because as a corpse, we have no say in the matter. But, just from a health point of view, there are laws and customs to avoid outbreaks of cholera, ebola etc. I expect our additional choices of what we're buried with, the manner of our disposal just build on those more necessary actions.

Part of it is for the living too. Having a grave to visit. Knowing that one grandparent is buried next to the other. I suppose we like to honour our dead to reflect what was important to them in life.

 

[banger12]

Finally paid off the debt I owed on my cats surgery. She's also much better n9w and very healthy. I love my little baby kitty. Such a sweetheart.

Now that I finally have that paid off I can focus on saving up for my ctb method and hotel room where I'll do it.