Venting Bad thoughts are coming back again

[JoeProf]

Hello Lads,

I am Joe but you can call me anything you want.

I have been feeling too much anxiety and worried about everything. Including my well being and my family's. I am always afraid that something is going to happen to me or to someone I love.

I have been aggressive these days and always cussing. I have been saying I would do graphic things to others but at the same time these are things I am worried that will happen to me or to my family. I am also worried and feel like someone is going to die soon.

Also, I have been having this condition where my feet get inflamed and I can't walk for like a week and then i get better but it happens every month and so.

Now I feel my mental health is worsening but this time the reasons are unknown back then it was because of university stress and fear of failure but I am over that.

You could say good things are happening to me but I am more worried and more stressed by it and I can't feel any kind of good feeling from good things. Even though I am grateful for the good things I can't enjoy it.

I don't know what's going on and the thoughts of killing myself are returning again and this time it's worse, I have been feeling I am a waste of time and money for my family and I should die to leave them alone. I just feel like a general burden

I don't know what's going on

Cheers,
Joe
Tom

 

[kilowatt]

Hello, Joe
This seems like a good opportunity to seek professional help if your resources allow you to. Your anxiety seems to keep you stuck in the same loop of disappointment. It happens, but it's a good thing you ask for advice on it.
I believe it'd benefit if you opened up to your family and trusted friends instead of shoving them away with aggression. Support might come from where you least expect it. Do try and push past your fear of rejection. As you said yourself, you ''feel'' all these doubts, means they're yet to be disproven.
On the other hand give yourself time and prioritize your well being for a bit. It's worth it to be selfish for a while if it turns out to be helpful for both you and others in the long run

 

[chudeatte]

I had the same kind of thoughts as you once, that I was going to die or that bad things were going to happen to people around me. for that id say what helped me was writing about it in a journal. sure it doesn't exactly help stop it but it can feel good to let it out and you can also read back on it later and see how irrational it sounds, which I did and that can help you in your journey onward. otherwise, id try and talk to someone. take care of yourself and try and stay away from stressors, at the same time try to talk to your family. even if you were aggressive just explaining your thoughts behind it can help, and they can give you some advice that you might find helpful

 

[Lions303]

Hello Joe. I think being worried about yourself and your family is a good thing. You care about the people you love and im sure they care and worry about you too. Is there like a feeling or a vibe that someone is going to go soon? Is someone sick or now doing too well? Have you gotten your feet checked out? Can I also ask because I normally do when people talk about feeling this type of way when you say 'cant feel any kind of good feeling', do you feel your existing and not living?