Backpack full of weights

[TimetoGo!]

After wanting to CTB for a very long time, I am at the point now where it has to be soon. I have spent hours researching methods, spoken to countless people on sourcing materials, changed my mind on how I will go ahead with it.

Reading what some people have been through on here horrifies me, people shoud not suffer how some of you are and you all have my respectand love. It almost makes me feel a fraud, because I know I have had a decent life up until about two years ago when my life changed forever. Mainly due to a business collapse and the debts that have followed. they consume my thoughts (along with suicide) everyday of my life, I have ruthless companies chasing me day after day and its mentally too much. It has ruined me.

My marriage and my friendships have massively been affected, and I feel a total burden to everyone around me. As stated in a post last week, I actually don't think people really care anyway and if I was gone it would be the perfect answer.

I don't like myself anymore, I have lost all drive I had in life, zero motivation because of depression, I cant stand what modern society is all about.......social media attention seeking wankers everywhere you turn!!

One of my main concerns with suicide, is how people will find me afterwards......I think people will be angry at me and will forget who I once was. It will ruin the life of whoever finds me, which would probably be my wife.

I have researched extensively into SN, I just don't trust it and think too much can go wrong.
I have thought about Carbon Monoxide poisoning , but again its how the person finds you. Same with shooting myself or hanging.
There is a drawback to every method in truth.

I feel that drowning, in the middle of a deep lake or ocean somewhere suits me the best.....I will most probably never be found if I weigh the backpack down heavy enough. It won't be good for my family as I would never have a funeral and they wouldn't ever get closure. But at least they would'nt have a memory of my corpse.

I plan to hire a boat, transfer weights from the boot of my car into it and then sail off to the middle of nowhere. I will fill a backpack full of weight , strap weights to my ankles and sit over the edge of the boat. I will put some of my favourite music on , have a shit load of vodka and sleeping pills until I feel very drowsy.........then I will simply drift away once I have hit the water. It won't be nice for about 3 minutes but then I hope the suffering can finally be over and I can be at rest, which is all I want.

Hoping to do this soon as I see an opening and can be organised properly........

much love

Andy

 

[SectOfValtiel]

drowning sounds so awful... but its not like i can blame you for choosing that given your circumstances
truly, i hope it goes as easy as possible and you finally get some peace
i hope nobody you love is hurt in the process
i know in a perfect world i wouldnt wish this on anyone- but we do not live in a perfect world
so the least i can do is hope its peaceful in the end

i wish you luck on your journey
and i hope the bus ride is smooth
i dont know you personally, but i know you dont deserve to suffer

 

[TimetoGo!]

drowning sounds so awful... but its not like i can blame you for choosing that given your circumstances
truly, i hope it goes as easy as possible and you finally get some peace
i hope nobody you love is hurt in the process
i know in a perfect world i wouldnt wish this on anyone- but we do not live in a perfect world
so the least i can do is hope its peaceful in the end

i wish you luck on your journey
and i hope the bus ride is smooth
i dont know you personally, but i know you dont deserve to suffer

Thank you.

There is no easy method, pros and cons to everything.

I think people will be hurt, but they will recover when they know I am at rest

 

[FuneralCry]

I admire those who are able to ctb by that method, it does sound like rather a horrific way to leave this world to me but I certainly envy those who succeed. I do hope that you find the freedom that you wish for.

 

[TimetoGo!]

I admire those who are able to ctb by that method, it does sound like rather a horrific way to leave this world to me but I certainly envy those who succeed. I do hope that you find the freedom that you wish for.

I honestly think it feels one of the more peaceful ways, and no one would ever see me again. that appeals to me.

Ive always enjoyed the water as well so why not CTB in it. Won't be warm though!!

Have you found your method yet?

 

[FuneralCry]

I honestly think it feels one of the more peaceful ways, and no one would ever see me again. that appeals to me.

Ive always enjoyed the water as well so why not CTB in it. Won't be warm though!!

Have you found your method yet?

Sadly no, I think that if I had a method all planned out that I feel confident that it will succeed I wouldn't be on this site anymore. In my case planning to die is complicated and I would fear something somehow going wrong and leading to failure. It's sad how we cannot get N but the unfortunate reality is that suicide isn't straightforward. But eventually I will have to find a way no matter what as I absolutely refuse to reach old age.

 

[👁️👃👁️]

Brother that sounds scary as hell. You are way braver than the eyeballs and nose guy.

 

[releasespieces]

I don't think it sounds that bad really. I bet you would pass out pretty quickly once water enters your lungs, maybe it takes a minute or two of panic and struggle and then it's lights out. On the plus side there is no turning back no matter how much your SI demands it. On the negative side there's no turning back no matter how much you'd want to.

Here's something I found on Quora.. a response to a question asking about the pain involved with drowning.

No. Believe it or not, I drowned twice in my life. Once at age 6, and again at age 21 (yes alcohol was involved). I am a good swimmer, but when your muscles give out, or you are too deep to hold your breath all the way up, you can easily drown. In both cases I didn't expect it so there was no fear, only the desperate struggling to survive the event. Anyway, when you inhale the water it is shocking but not painful at all. Immediately you will feel very relaxed and peaceful for a moment or two, also with no fear, until everything goes black and you pass out. Obviously, I was rescued and resuscitated both times, and I did not have a NDE. All in all, it has to be one of the better ways to die and I actually wish to die that way. Three times is the charm! I hope this helps if you perhaps lost a loved one to drowning.

 

[SectOfValtiel]

I don't think it sounds that bad really. I bet you would pass out pretty quickly once water enters your lungs, maybe it takes a minute or two of panic and struggle and then it's lights out. On the plus side there is no turning back no matter how much your SI demands it. On the negative side there's no turning back no matter how much you'd want to.

Here's something I found on Quora.. a response to a question asking about the pain involved with drowning.

No. Believe it or not, I drowned twice in my life. Once at age 6, and again at age 21 (yes alcohol was involved). I am a good swimmer, but when your muscles give out, or you are too deep to hold your breath all the way up, you can easily drown. In both cases I didn't expect it so there was no fear, only the desperate struggling to survive the event. Anyway, when you inhale the water it is shocking but not painful at all. Immediately you will feel very relaxed and peaceful for a moment or two, also with no fear, until everything goes black and you pass out. Obviously, I was rescued and resuscitated both times, and I did not have a NDE. All in all, it has to be one of the better ways to die and I actually wish to die that way. Three times is the charm! I hope this helps if you perhaps lost a loved one to drowning.

that actually paints it in a very lovely light that i havent heard before
if i wasnt in general kinda terrified of the water (or more so being *under* the water i guess) i might actually consider that as a method now...

thanks for sharing it here, i hope it helps the people considering it

 

[annointed_towers]

After wanting to CTB for a very long time, I am at the point now where it has to be soon. I have spent hours researching methods, spoken to countless people on sourcing materials, changed my mind on how I will go ahead with it.

Reading what some people have been through on here horrifies me, people shoud not suffer how some of you are and you all have my respectand love. It almost makes me feel a fraud, because I know I have had a decent life up until about two years ago when my life changed forever. Mainly due to a business collapse and the debts that have followed. they consume my thoughts (along with suicide) everyday of my life, I have ruthless companies chasing me day after day and its mentally too much. It has ruined me.

My marriage and my friendships have massively been affected, and I feel a total burden to everyone around me. As stated in a post last week, I actually don't think people really care anyway and if I was gone it would be the perfect answer.

I don't like myself anymore, I have lost all drive I had in life, zero motivation because of depression, I cant stand what modern society is all about.......social media attention seeking wankers everywhere you turn!!

One of my main concerns with suicide, is how people will find me afterwards......I think people will be angry at me and will forget who I once was. It will ruin the life of whoever finds me, which would probably be my wife.

I have researched extensively into SN, I just don't trust it and think too much can go wrong.
I have thought about Carbon Monoxide poisoning , but again its how the person finds you. Same with shooting myself or hanging.
There is a drawback to every method in truth.

I feel that drowning, in the middle of a deep lake or ocean somewhere suits me the best.....I will most probably never be found if I weigh the backpack down heavy enough. It won't be good for my family as I would never have a funeral and they wouldn't ever get closure. But at least they would'nt have a memory of my corpse.

I plan to hire a boat, transfer weights from the boot of my car into it and then sail off to the middle of nowhere. I will fill a backpack full of weight , strap weights to my ankles and sit over the edge of the boat. I will put some of my favourite music on , have a shit load of vodka and sleeping pills until I feel very drowsy.........then I will simply drift away once I have hit the water. It won't be nice for about 3 minutes but then I hope the suffering can finally be over and I can be at rest, which is all I want.

Hoping to do this soon as I see an opening and can be organised properly........

much love

Andy

You'll instinctively remove the backpack when you start drowning

 

[releasespieces]

You'll instinctively remove the backpack when you start drowning

… good point. I suppose you'd have to attach it in a way that would make it nearly impossible to remove.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I will most probably never be found if I weigh the backpack down heavy enough. It won't be good for my family as I would never have a funeral and they wouldn't ever get closure.

Something to think about, but maybe it doesn't apply to you....................you don't happen to have a life insurance policy, do you, for benefit of your family? If you do, and if you eventually CTB and your body is not found, the insurance company may be "reluctant" to pay out on the claim; no body, no death. Of course, your family can fight it, and I'm sure they will, but that can go on for years. It would probably take a court to adjudicate you dead before the insurance company would be forced to pay.

 

[Wunderkind]

I know a story when a man drank potent sleeping pills and just swam with all his might towards the open sea. He succeeded and he is really CTB.

 

[CannotAnymore]

Drowning is one of the most awful ways to die... it won't be fun and you'll not be able to stop yourself from taking the bag off and swimming for air... survival instinct baby..

 

[TimetoGo!]

Something to think about, but maybe it doesn't apply to you....................you don't happen to have a life insurance policy, do you, for benefit of your family? If you do, and if you eventually CTB and your body is not found, the insurance company may be "reluctant" to pay out on the claim; no body, no death. Of course, your family can fight it, and I'm sure they will, but that can go on for years. It would probably take a court to adjudicate you dead before the insurance company would be forced to pay.

I had to cancel my life insurance policy as couldn't afford it in the end.

Drowning is one of the most awful ways to die... it won't be fun and you'll not be able to stop yourself from taking the bag off and swimming for air... survival instinct baby..

It will be strapped to me so can't be removed……plus weights on ankles as well…..there will he no getting out once Im in

… good point. I suppose you'd have to attach it in a way that would make it nearly impossible to remove.

Exactly……going to fix it on with cable ties

 

[wantittoendsoon]

What are the chances the t would capsize eventually? you have given me something to think about...my nitrogen method but on a boat so my body isn't found for a long time if ever. how far out in the ocean do you plan to go?

 

[TimetoGo!]

What are the chances the t would capsize eventually? you have given me something to think about...my nitrogen method but on a boat so my body isn't found for a long time if ever. how far out in the ocean do you plan to go?

What are the chances the t would capsize eventually? you have given me something to think about...my nitrogen method but on a boat so my body isn't found for a long time if ever. how far out in the ocean do you plan to go?

replied by DM pal

 

[TimetoGo!]

I know a story when a man drank potent sleeping pills and just swam with all his might towards the open sea. He succeeded and he is really CTB.

Always an option

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

im considering drowning too, i been reading on it for months now.

A man in my city jumped off the end of the pier and drowned in a few minutes, he got drunk first though. There were pics of him sitting at the edge of the pier and drinking before jumping in.

Many reports of drowning being peaceful.

Heres studies on it :

The experience of drowning

Internationally, drowning is a leading cause of accidental death that features in many legal cases. In these cases, possible mitigations and the ‘pain and suffering’ in terms of the duration and subjective experience of drowning are often ...

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

 

[releasespieces]

I just thought about how babies have amniotic fluid in their lungs. I would imagine in an evolutionary sense breathing water has to be in our DNA somehow. There must be something in our subconscious that relates to that sensation during the drowning process. I wonder if that's why a lot of accounts of drowning claim that the initial phase is very shocking when drawing water into the lungs, followed by a great sense of peace and calm, then falling into unconsciousness. Maybe there is a phase of comfort and euphoria because it innately feels very safe to breathe water after the initial shock has passed.

 

[time2fly]

heard about a few people mixing methods like sn or gas with drowning to guarantee ctb, i dont have that kind of courage though, would rather chug some sn to a good movie laying in a cozy bed.

 

[TimetoGo!]

heard about a few people mixing methods like sn or gas with drowning to guarantee ctb, i dont have that kind of courage though, would rather chug some sn to a good movie laying in a cozy bed.

Its not a case of just chugging SN and laying back, or we'd all do it. I've read too many horror stories of what can go wrong if you don't follow the procedure perfectly.

And my family member finding a blue corpse puts off that method anyway.

I just thought about how babies have amniotic fluid in their lungs. I would imagine in an evolutionary sense breathing water has to be in our DNA somehow. There must be something in our subconscious that relates to that sensation during the drowning process. I wonder if that's why a lot of accounts of drowning claim that the initial phase is very shocking when drawing water into the lungs, followed by a great sense of peace and calm, then falling into unconsciousness. Maybe there is a phase of comfort and euphoria because it innately feels very safe to breathe water after the initial shock has passed.

I don't know about any of this but I hope it is as peaceful as possible. Its the freezing water that actually scares me more at the moment as its icey here in the UK right now. May buy a wet suit to relieve that shock abit.

 

[time2fly]

heard about a few people mixing methods like sn or gas with drowning to guarantee ctb, i dont have that kind of courage though, would rather chug some sn to a good movie laying in a

Its not a case of just chugging SN and laying back, or we'd all do it. I've read too many horror stories of what can go wrong if you don't follow the procedure perfectly.

And my family member finding a blue corpse puts off that method anyway.

I don't know about any of this but I hope it is as peaceful as possible. Its the freezing water that actually scares me more at the moment as its icey here in the UK right now. May buy a wet suit to relieve that shock abit.

well yeah of course, i'm not just nose diving into the method without doing any research. I know what you mean though, only thing i was trying to say was that although there are certain things you have to do perfectly to ensure you ctb, its a little simpler than some people make it out to be. same with a lot of the methods. i have had paralysis by analysis as far as choosing which bus stop i am going to wait at but i have realized that the only thing you really need to understand is that no method is perfect and there will be some discomfort associated with pretty much any method that you choose. and yeah the whole blue corpse thing is kind of off setting but my family wouldn't even be able to see me for days (across country) so hopefully i would return to a nice pale before then.

 

[Wunderkind]

Your method is for brave people.
Someone told me that consciousness is lost instantly when water enters the lungs of a person, I wonder how true this is.

 

[TimetoGo!]

Your method is for brave people.
Someone told me that consciousness is lost instantly when water enters the lungs of a person, I wonder how true this is.

I really hope that is true mate

Your method is for brave people.
Someone told me that consciousness is lost instantly when water enters the lungs of a person, I wonder how true this is.

I think putting a shotgun to your head or jumping off a high building is alot braver

 

[SoDead]

I would try to get a scuba filled with pure nitrogen instead of plain drowning. Drowning may be really unpleasant.

 

[TimetoGo!]

I would try to get a scuba filled with pure nitrogen instead of plain drowning. Drowning may be really unpleasant.

Its sourcing it all mate or I would do

 

[releasespieces]

Its not a case of just chugging SN and laying back, or we'd all do it. I've read too many horror stories of what can go wrong if you don't follow the procedure perfectly.

And my family member finding a blue corpse puts off that method anyway.

I don't know about any of this but I hope it is as peaceful as possible. Its the freezing water that actually scares me more at the moment as its icey here in the UK right now. May buy a wet suit to relieve that shock abit.

Actually, it's the cold water that will expedite the drowning process I believe. A wetsuit might only prolong the time of suffering I'm afraid.

 

[TimetoGo!]

Actually, it's the cold water that will expedite the drowning process I believe. A wetsuit might only prolong the time of suffering I'm afraid.

very true..........just going to have to brave the cold then

 

[AnonymousS]

Drowning is one of the most awful ways to die... it won't be fun and you'll not be able to stop yourself from taking the bag off and swimming for air... survival instinct baby..

How can you know this ?