Venting Back to wanting to CTB

[Thisiscertainlyause]

I was out for awhile, I had gotten alot better(?) sorta, I got back with my ex, which was admittedly not a great idea since neither of us had really grown or changed at all, now we're back to being complicated, but I don't think I'll be able to go back, the biggest thing for me before was feeling safe with her, that she was the one person I loved more than anything and who loved me back, but she's gotten just, meaner and I don't really feel emotionally safe around her anymore, I don't feel like she loves me the way she did before. I haven't trusted my family for a long time, I'm bi and that'd be enough for them to be cold towards me the rest of my life if they found out. I started volunteering at an animal shelter thinking that'd help, bring me some sort of purpose or what not, it didn't really, I love the animals and I've gotten attached to one of the dogs that's been there for awhile, but he'll get adopted eventually and I think that'll just hurt me more.. I think, weirdly, this is my last haven, the only place I've been where everyone has something in common and you know what to expect, as grim as that commonality is. This might finally be my last flicker, like an animal finding a safe place to die(or is that a myth? I don't know). I still have the rope I got awhile ago at least, maybe I can get partial to work for me this time round.

 

[cursedcassettes]

Eat more organic foods, become a better you, find the energy for romance. You broke up, so you weren't good enough, but you got back together, which means you're better than nothing, but she's mean, which means you're not good enough. So improve. You're volunteering at an animal shelter which means you're not a hopeless wreck like me. You can improve enough that she'll notice. In sickness and in health is great but it also means in meanness and in niceness. She's not your mother's stand-in. But seriously, eat more organic foods. It can't be a bad idea.

 

[sadbh—itstimetogo🤎]

Instead of eating organic, I'd go for a carnivore diet. Ex might notice how sexy and animalistic you are

All jokes aside. It sounds like you recognize you're not compatible and it seems like she resents you. Not sure if you've been begging her to take you back, but you deserve better than someone who is being mean to you.

It's hard to detach when you feel safe with someone, but she is not the only woman in the world. As difficult as it is, try to do things that will make you feel stable (therapy, work, volunteer, socialize) and things should work out. You got at least one gf, you can get another when you're ready.

You want to kill yourself (obviously bc you're here), but a breakup is usually one of those temporary problems even though I know it feels like shit right now. And like you said, you can't really be honest about who you are with her and her family… have you had a chance to date men?