Last year I thought I was pulling out of my depression. In the back half of the year I was finally able to get enough work to pay my bills and put away a little bit of savings for my daughters upcoming college. It took all my energy and focus. I worked nights and weekends. It was exhausting, but it felt good to make progress.
Today I learned that I miscalculated my withholdings and I owe all my savings to taxes. All those night, weekend, early morning hours were completely wasted and for nothing. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed.
I just told my wife about it, and you can tell she is tired of me constantly fucking up. My family deserves better. I'm so tired. This is the week I finally make it happen. I don't even care about pain anymore, that used to freak me out. I'm just going to go out to a spot I picked near the police station in the early morning hours and hang myself. There's a nice tree I've already picked out that is secluded from view as to not freak anybody out. I will feel so relieved when it's done, that I won't mind the pain and panic I feel in that moment. It will be easy for me to push through it.
I'm sorry to anyone who read through this. I'm feeling alone in this right now and just wanted someone to know what my plan is. For my family who reads this after it's done, I'm really sorry about what I've put you through for many, many years. The next few months are going to be hard - but rest assured the world is a little bit better now that I'm gone. And each day the world will be slightly better and better now that I'm not here - and so will you.
Today I learned that I miscalculated my withholdings and I owe all my savings to taxes. All those night, weekend, early morning hours were completely wasted and for nothing. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed.
I just told my wife about it, and you can tell she is tired of me constantly fucking up. My family deserves better. I'm so tired. This is the week I finally make it happen. I don't even care about pain anymore, that used to freak me out. I'm just going to go out to a spot I picked near the police station in the early morning hours and hang myself. There's a nice tree I've already picked out that is secluded from view as to not freak anybody out. I will feel so relieved when it's done, that I won't mind the pain and panic I feel in that moment. It will be easy for me to push through it.
I'm sorry to anyone who read through this. I'm feeling alone in this right now and just wanted someone to know what my plan is. For my family who reads this after it's done, I'm really sorry about what I've put you through for many, many years. The next few months are going to be hard - but rest assured the world is a little bit better now that I'm gone. And each day the world will be slightly better and better now that I'm not here - and so will you.
