darkenmydoorstep
Not Waving But Browned Off….
- Sep 27, 2023
- 620
I've not posted on here for a while. Not because I've felt better, but because the futility gets to me. So many of us on here long for the thing we can't bear to effect - the peaceful exit. So I get to a point when I feel like a goldfish swimming around in all these frustrations and getting nowhere.
I feel even more traumatised that my heavy handed government is trying to halt access to this place. I feel like a student having to cram for an exam.
Well in the last few months, the man I love appears to have abandoned me - nice. I can't hate him because I know he is mentally unstable, I just miss him deeply and obviously without him there in any form just have one more reason to leave this awful place.
I've had more trouble at 'home' with my son and his school, outside agencies….. I won't elaborate but I just feel under pressure and scrutiny there. Then there's the weed addict I live with, oh joy. His mood swings. A few money worries too. Yeah - what a fucking mix eh?
I went on a short break a month or two ago and just stood on the cliff tops wishing I had the balls to chuck myself off em, at the same time knowing it would be sod's law I'd survive if I did.
I keep wondering if I could get to South America, could I still find N, somewhere maybe? Off the beaten track?
And how do you find buddies to do these things with? I would want someone similar to myself (midlife female).
I feel even more traumatised that my heavy handed government is trying to halt access to this place. I feel like a student having to cram for an exam.
Well in the last few months, the man I love appears to have abandoned me - nice. I can't hate him because I know he is mentally unstable, I just miss him deeply and obviously without him there in any form just have one more reason to leave this awful place.
I've had more trouble at 'home' with my son and his school, outside agencies….. I won't elaborate but I just feel under pressure and scrutiny there. Then there's the weed addict I live with, oh joy. His mood swings. A few money worries too. Yeah - what a fucking mix eh?
I went on a short break a month or two ago and just stood on the cliff tops wishing I had the balls to chuck myself off em, at the same time knowing it would be sod's law I'd survive if I did.
I keep wondering if I could get to South America, could I still find N, somewhere maybe? Off the beaten track?
And how do you find buddies to do these things with? I would want someone similar to myself (midlife female).
welcome back to sasu
