AfriQuark
Member
- Jul 18, 2025
- 21
Not sure if I'm getting worse or just able to reliably vent.
But Autism has ruined my life.
Autism has completely ruined my life; it's a disability that's cost me everything. No friends, no socialisation. Cannot understand what people want, cannot answer deep questions. No idea what I'm expected to no. And no mercy in any problem because I am an absolutely garbage entity that should just die in a ditch. I've absolutely tried and got nothing out of my efforts.
Everyone always says to try. So I did. I tried again. Dating app, got one good match. Then got a date last week. It was great, and I think the person really liked me. And I really. REALLY tried. I spent over 400TTD on the date, and at the moment worth it. I tried to be as perfect and careful with how I act to not be weird and offend. But I keep making slip-ups. So I always apologised, taking careful note. It was like walking on eggshells to be normal. To try and just socialise as an average person. And I assumed I succeeded; the date went well.
I felt great about myself. For the first time in years, I didn't want to kill myself.
Tomorrow we were supposed to go on a second date. Exciting. But at around 3 am last night, I got a phone call from my date. It wasn't weird, I said they could call anything they needed. And I listened to whatever was on their mind. Again, trying my best to be as normal as possible. Answer and reply as soon as possible. And making several apologies if I say something wrong during phone calls or during the date.
Well, the ONE fuckup that slipped passed me happened. Last date she mentioned wanting money or the house as an inheritance from her family. I don't even remember what I said, but I think I asked if they were going to pick the house. Since it would be a means to live there. At the time, I was just trying to continue the talk. But I spoke wrong.
So in that phone call at 3 am, I was half asleep listening in to try and have a quicker phone call so I could wake up at 5. She asked about keeping property and assets separated. So I just said yes in an automatic agreement. I didn't care for any land or whatever, and I, again trying to say things correctly. So then I was asked about the house mentioned a week ago on the date. I barely remembered that part of what I said. She said she didn't like thieves and wanted to know what I was planning to do regarding the house. Honestly, I was confused cause at the time I was just trying to continue the conversation. I didn't think about the property at all. Again, I barely know what they're talking about.
Dead at night, half asleep, I was desperately trying to understand what was being asked and what I should say. And each failure just dug me into a hole. What am I supposed to do? I have no idea. The best I have is that I had no plans for the property; I just asked about it. I was told that thieves and liars weren't good. And from then things were over. It's 3 am, and the whole thing's over. Just shocked.
The thing I remember vividly as the last thing said was not to tell anyone about the talk. Otherwise, I could potentially lose my job or not get the employment I'm trying for. Because they'll make sure to do that. So call over, 3 am. I fucked up.
Literally one mistake. And the inability to apologise out of it, and the second date's over, and I'm alone. Literally back where I started. I just feel torn. I ruined things in less than a week despite trying my best to listen and understand. I'm just there, no idea what I could have done differently to fix things. No one to talk to about it. Because I have no friends or any form of relationships.
But honestly, this is the end for me. I'm not welcome anywhere, I'm not needed. I'm just defective. People get upset when I say that overtly. But no point ever am I proven wrong. I literally got that confirmation last night.
So anyways. I'm back here, learnt my lesson. I'll go review my options again, see if I can get good methods after being away for some time. Hi guys.
But Autism has ruined my life.
Autism has completely ruined my life; it's a disability that's cost me everything. No friends, no socialisation. Cannot understand what people want, cannot answer deep questions. No idea what I'm expected to no. And no mercy in any problem because I am an absolutely garbage entity that should just die in a ditch. I've absolutely tried and got nothing out of my efforts.
Everyone always says to try. So I did. I tried again. Dating app, got one good match. Then got a date last week. It was great, and I think the person really liked me. And I really. REALLY tried. I spent over 400TTD on the date, and at the moment worth it. I tried to be as perfect and careful with how I act to not be weird and offend. But I keep making slip-ups. So I always apologised, taking careful note. It was like walking on eggshells to be normal. To try and just socialise as an average person. And I assumed I succeeded; the date went well.
I felt great about myself. For the first time in years, I didn't want to kill myself.
Tomorrow we were supposed to go on a second date. Exciting. But at around 3 am last night, I got a phone call from my date. It wasn't weird, I said they could call anything they needed. And I listened to whatever was on their mind. Again, trying my best to be as normal as possible. Answer and reply as soon as possible. And making several apologies if I say something wrong during phone calls or during the date.
Well, the ONE fuckup that slipped passed me happened. Last date she mentioned wanting money or the house as an inheritance from her family. I don't even remember what I said, but I think I asked if they were going to pick the house. Since it would be a means to live there. At the time, I was just trying to continue the talk. But I spoke wrong.
So in that phone call at 3 am, I was half asleep listening in to try and have a quicker phone call so I could wake up at 5. She asked about keeping property and assets separated. So I just said yes in an automatic agreement. I didn't care for any land or whatever, and I, again trying to say things correctly. So then I was asked about the house mentioned a week ago on the date. I barely remembered that part of what I said. She said she didn't like thieves and wanted to know what I was planning to do regarding the house. Honestly, I was confused cause at the time I was just trying to continue the conversation. I didn't think about the property at all. Again, I barely know what they're talking about.
Dead at night, half asleep, I was desperately trying to understand what was being asked and what I should say. And each failure just dug me into a hole. What am I supposed to do? I have no idea. The best I have is that I had no plans for the property; I just asked about it. I was told that thieves and liars weren't good. And from then things were over. It's 3 am, and the whole thing's over. Just shocked.
The thing I remember vividly as the last thing said was not to tell anyone about the talk. Otherwise, I could potentially lose my job or not get the employment I'm trying for. Because they'll make sure to do that. So call over, 3 am. I fucked up.
Literally one mistake. And the inability to apologise out of it, and the second date's over, and I'm alone. Literally back where I started. I just feel torn. I ruined things in less than a week despite trying my best to listen and understand. I'm just there, no idea what I could have done differently to fix things. No one to talk to about it. Because I have no friends or any form of relationships.
But honestly, this is the end for me. I'm not welcome anywhere, I'm not needed. I'm just defective. People get upset when I say that overtly. But no point ever am I proven wrong. I literally got that confirmation last night.
So anyways. I'm back here, learnt my lesson. I'll go review my options again, see if I can get good methods after being away for some time. Hi guys.
