Attempted last night and messed it up

[TimetoGo!]

After feeling particularly low and upset last night, I started drinking Vodka and stupidly took a load of pills, before getting into the bath to try shallow water blackout.

I wasn't successful and couldn't do it, and then the police arrived with my wife and pulled me out.

I was taken to hospital and checked out and obviously mental health spoke to me. I had to play it all down as a "one off", and managed to convince them I think.

I feel completely stupid, because this wasn't my method and now everyone is concerned about me of course. I hate attention and drama so im absolutely gutted it didn't work out.

I did however, see how much it devastated my wife and family. Its been an emotional day and I feel horrible.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like a really awful experience, I hate how difficult it can be to die and failing ctb is exactly what I fear. But anyway, I wish you the best.

 

[StarlightDreamer]

First of all, I'm sorry you had to go through this. I'm glad you're still with us, and seemingly weren't hurt in the event.

You weren't stupid, love. Last-minute deviations are common when attempting. In the words of Geo Stone, "Well-planned suicides are as common as well-planned murders".

I'm sure it's going to take a while to process, but has seeing the reaction of your family influenced your decision to end your life?

 

[theboy]

Oh, no. Im sorry
¿What is your plan now?

 

[Sparr0w]

it's horrible the kind of trauma a failed attempt can be. i hope, at the least, through seeing the impact your death will have on others can help you truly decide if ctbing is best for you.

we're all here for you no matter what you choose feel free to talk out your thoughts and feelings, a fail like this must be hard to process for everyone involved. you're not stupid for anything you did, or for failing. it can be hard to remember stuff in stressful suitations when sober- certainly not when drunk and after having overdosed.

 

[Kusogaki]

sorry this is what you have went through, though i believe that they don't matter. just you.

 

[TimetoGo!]

First of all, I'm sorry you had to go through this. I'm glad you're still with us, and seemingly weren't hurt in the event.

You weren't stupid, love. Last-minute deviations are common when attempting. In the words of Geo Stone, "Well-planned suicides are as common as well-planned murders".

I'm sure it's going to take a while to process, but has seeing the reaction of your family influenced your decision to end your life?

No it hasn't if I am honest……my situation isn't any better because I've attempted, if anything I am even more embarrassed and want out even more now.

sorry this is what you have went through, though i believe that they don't matter. just you.

Very true

it's horrible the kind of trauma a failed attempt can be. i hope, at the least, through seeing the impact your death will have on others can help you truly decide if ctbing is best for you.

we're all here for you no matter what you choose feel free to talk out your thoughts and feelings, a fail like this must be hard to process for everyone involved. you're not stupid for anything you did, or for failing. it can be hard to remember stuff in stressful suitations when sober- certainly not when drunk and after having overdosed.

Thank you

Oh, no. Im sorry
¿What is your plan now?

The plan is to not fail next time, simply cant fail next time or it'll be 100% mental hospital

That sounds like a really awful experience, I hate how difficult it can be to die and failing ctb is exactly what I fear. But anyway, I wish you the best.

I definitely feared it but I think being very drunk just took any rationality out of my thinking

After feeling particularly low and upset last night, I started drinking Vodka and stupidly took a load of pills, before getting into the bath to try shallow water blackout.

I wasn't successful and couldn't do it, and then the police arrived with my wife and pulled me out.

I was taken to hospital and checked out and obviously mental health spoke to me. I had to play it all down as a "one off", and managed to convince them I think.

I feel completely stupid, because this wasn't my method and now everyone is concerned about me of course. I hate attention and drama so im absolutely gutted it didn't work out.

I did however, see how much it devastated my wife and family. Its been an emotional day and I feel horrible.

In the aftermath of what I did on Saturday, it has been quite horrible saying sorry to so many people, family/neighbours/wife etc……and they have made me swear I will get the help I need to get better. Lots of people you normally don't hear off suddenly offering support, it's laughable. But it hasn't changed my own mindset, I still want to CTB.

Its extremely selfish of course, but I can take that. Because I still hate the position I am in in my life and I can't just stay to make others happy.

One thing I do remember from Saturday was when I was under the water, it was a euphoria ive never had before, loads of calmness came over me and I remember hearing my heartbeat slowing down , before the cop turned me round and got me out.

My fault was sending the goodbye videos instead of setting them to a timer, thats what being drunk does, you get mistakes!! Lesson learned!!

 

[Grayfield]

I'm sorry for what happened. SWB is my chosen method. I was curious to know for how long did you hyperventilate, or how many 'purge breaths' did you do? And if you think you did blackout, or were you just really close to blackout.

 

[Challu]

Why leave your wife?

 

[TimetoGo!]

Why leave your wife?

Because since losing my business she has mainly been covering the bills. I do have a new business now but its struggling to get going so far.

She's better off without me 100%

 

[AVeryLazySloth]

I'm sorry this happened. It seems like your wife really loves you, you currently being financially under the weather doesn't mean you have to break it off. A relationship is based on more than just financial status. I hope everything goes well for you!

 

[Challu]

Because since losing my business she has mainly been covering the bills. I do have a new business now but its struggling to get going so far.

She's better off without me 100%

Ok. It is what it is.. but maybe tell her how you feel? Tell her exactly this. Women like vulnerability and honesty.

If she treats your honestly with disregard and rudeness then at least you know how she truly felt.

 

[Galileo3630]

Ok. It is what it is.. but maybe tell her how you feel? Tell her exactly this. Women like vulnerability and honesty.

If she treats your honestly with disregard and rudeness then at least you know how she truly felt.

Agreed with this, you should talk with her op, you need to express your feelings and tell her how you feel, you've said that you don't care if it's selfish or not, but I'm sure she deserves to know if you eventually pass as to why you decided to go for the peaceful beyond.

 

[Shadowlord900]

Because since losing my business she has mainly been covering the bills. I do have a new business now but its struggling to get going so far.

She's better off without me 100%

Is it a case that you feel too ashamed that you can't look after yourself? Or are you worried your wife won't be content in being the main financial support in your relationship and you're afraid of things going further down hill?

If it's the latter, you should at least try to get the courage to ask her if she'll be okay with being the main financial support in your relationship. Men don't have to be the ones to fill that role like how society used to portray it years ago. If she's reasonable, as long as you're making yourself productive in one form or another, I'm sure she wouldn't mind.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

We all learn through our mistakes, and maybe through this ordeal you'll have learned what not to do, if there is a next time.

 

[TimetoGo!]

We all learn through our mistakes, and maybe through this ordeal you'll have learned what not to do, if there is a next time.

I have certainly learned things buddy.....I am now on suicide watch by the wife and its horrible. she would'nt even let me go to the shop on my own.

this is why I am devastated I failed. seeing all this now and people making me swear I wont attempt again, when I know that I 100% will try again. terrible situation

 

[SilentSadness]

In the aftermath of what I did on Saturday, it has been quite horrible saying sorry to so many people, family/neighbours/wife etc……and they have made me swear I will get the help I need to get better. Lots of people you normally don't hear off suddenly offering support, it's laughable. But it hasn't changed my own mindset, I still want to CTB.

What a pathetic and unfair situation you've been put through, some people really are just horrible aren't they. There is no need at all to apologise for attempting to excercise a basic right. I hope you get out of that mess soon.

 

[TimetoGo!]

What a pathetic and unfair situation you've been put through, some people really are just horrible aren't they. There is no need at all to apologise for attempting to excercise a basic right. I hope you get out of that mess soon.

I agree mate, its a poor situation now , and not sure which way to take it. Just gonna bide my time and let it settle down.

I felt that I was a matter of minutes from drowning, until they pulled me out, but thats my fault for not delaying the text message, very frustrating.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I have certainly learned things buddy.....I am now on suicide watch by the wife and its horrible. she would'nt even let me go to the shop on my own.

this is why I am devastated I failed. seeing all this now and people making me swear I wont attempt again, when I know that I 100% will try again. terrible situation

I can't imagine this and am so glad I don't have that going on.

 

[sorella santini]

If you play the game and pretend for awhile that you are feeling better, things are better, then they will ease up. I've been through what you are experiencing. A failed attempt years ago that was quite half hearted, looking back, has made me much more resolute and mindful of how to not fail the next time. I don't know how dire your circumstance is, but I hope you can at least try to have a conversation with your wife about your feelings- help her understand.

 

[PurpleParadigm]

Nooooooooo friend I'm so sorry you messaged me recently too and I didn't get round to replying. In fact I didn't even realise because I'm still getting used to the site and chat feature.

I feel partially responsible. My deepest apologies and I hope you are okay. I have responded to your messages too so check your private chat.

Stay safe!