At which point were you truly shattered?

[Wayfaerer]

The seed of destruction was planted on August 2nd, 2014 then full-awareness occurred June 13th, 2018. Nothing will ever be the same again.

 

[Backwood_tilt]

When my partner of 3 years left me to deal with a debilitating physical illness and CPTSD, in spite of her repeated assurances that she would stick around for the worst of it and see me through it till the end.

 

[Holacanthus]

There have been so many things that led up to it (childhood PTSD, a divorce, etc.), but when I threw away a great job about 1.5 years ago, that really didn't help. It's been a slow decline ever since.

At this point, I'd say that being isolated and middle aged, and the harm that a day-in day-out existence with anxiety does has worn me down to the point where 'shattered' is the right way to describe it. But it wasn't sudden. It was gradual and then it simply happened. I literally woke up one day and realized I wanted to die more than I wanted to not hurt my family.

 

[dundyfundy]

Not sure. It started before I even knew at a time. Before I started school I was and crying, as I knew I was losing my freedom for the next 12~ years. Little did I know, then uni and work awaited, no freedom again until old age, if you are lucky.

But the bottom was about 3-4 years ago. Few years of working a good job, living on my own, trying to get better. Realised I couldn't. Got really hurt and fed up with everything, needed a relief, so tried cutting myself, 4 cuts. Didn't get the relief I wanted 1st time, tried few weeks later again, as deep as I could. During that moment tried cutting my vein pressing with the razor as hard as I could, but the pain and the thought that I wouldn't die from it likely stopped me going all the way. Though all these years later, that specific cut is still not faded, and feel like might never fade...

But that was the beginning of it all. Last year was extremely hard for me, especially second half. Every single daily chore became insanely hard to do. I just could function less and less. I attempted night-night two times but it didn't work for me was compressing jugulars probably as from all the practising got really bad headaches which persisted for few months. Was afraid I did some kind of brain damage so stopped trying with that method.

I am thinking about SN or somekind of OD now, but afraid to pursue purchasing the ingredients...

 

[Elekrel]

i think it really hit me when i was eighteen, on my own first time. i got my own place with my roommate.
went really downhill during the past five years.. good and bad happened.

I've read that depersonalisation is one of the body's stress responses. You can't deal with a situation, so it almost ejects you, makes you feel disconnected. Which would be amazing, if it wasn't so awful.

 

[TAW122]

It was during college when I realized that life sucked and I'm just existing to survive, go through the motions of life (as to not raise red flags to people around me), and then just existing. I also realized that my goals were becoming less and less attainable as time passes by. With my dreams and goals crushed, financial situation turning to shit, overall life turning to shit, and then society and people IRL suck, it's a bleak future. I'm just biding my time now until something pushes me over the edge. I've pretty much come to terms with life and death, just tying loose ends, seeing how certain things play out, but pretty much it's a definite fate that I will die via CTB assuming nothing kills me sooner.

 

[athothagogo]

Losing my mother at the age of 16 for seemingly no reason. One second she was fine the next she died of an aortic aneurysm. The worst part was the fact that she died hours after I had been admitted to a mental hospital.

 

[Circlingthedrain]

I had the best person I've ever met in my life, the most supportive amazing person you could ask for. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't open up or be honest about how I feel , still can't, got that attitude of my problems are my problems . She stuck around for years and worked so hard on herself and trying to help me . But I couldn't do it, just the concept of life is enough to tip me over the edge , so I started drinking heavily again abusing any drug I could and now 5 months later shes gone and I dont see much of a reason to carry on , especially when I cant fix myself

 

[k75]

2010 when I was being taken in for cancer surgery. Cemented by my best friend looking at me with more sadness than I've ever seen and saying, "I'm afraid you'll never be happy again." right before they took me back.

That surgery basically destroyed my life. He was right.

 

[Ksab]

November 15th, 6pm

When I was told by my mom "I think you should just die, it all happened because of you...i should've killed when you were small...."