At which point were you truly shattered?

[throwaway123]

A few years ago. It happened to me. It was just one person but it was enough to shatter me. I haven't been the same since. Since then I've just been living day to day trying to survive. Not sure what for, I'm not even sure why I keep going. I shouldn't let myself suffer like this.

 

[R_N]

When I stopped sleeping.

 

[CookieBandit]

when my best friend killed himself. I still am.

 

[Shivani]

When I lost my SO... I thought I was a very strong person but turned out to be just one of my illusions. At times I wonder if it was like a last straw. A trigger to the built up frustrations in life. Anyways....

 

[Thereisnothing]

I've been shattered many times over course my life and then has strength from somewhere to get back up a little, but always never been the same. My final truly shattered was recently when lost my dad, the only person left who loved and cared about me...........I begged to be taken that morning when held his hand as he passed away.......the weeks since are just a nightmare, an illusion, a total emptiness. 'Shattered' is a very good word. Not sure what am still doing here to be honest. If I had a good method I could feel confident in and also knew for sure my spirit would join up with dad, mum and my other loved ones in afterlife I'd do it, but have no method yet been searching on and off years and scared I may not join loved ones for taking my life. Its hell on earth when we have to exist as we do.

 

[freedommatrix]

when my best friend killed himself. I still am.

But was it not his choice?

 

[voyager]

Three moments, really.

When I got my mhi with 16 (1993). Knew pretty much instantly that this had shattered my inner core and that I had lost something I'd never regain.

2001 was a difficult year for me, and everything finally came together in early September. Went hollow. Worst feeling I ever had and the only time I actually asked for help. Also, the closest I came to ending it.

Went numb from 2006/2007 onwards. Then had a medical emergency in 2018. Waiting alone for the ambulance I was in extreme pain. After a while though my mind cleared, I began wondering why I was still doing this to myself and then after a few minutes I made my peace with the thought of dying. I wasn't, but this willful acceptance showed me I could let go. Got my hopes up one last time, too. Developed a crush on my nurse. It didn't lead to anything, but before she rejected me I had an epiphany of sorts about my life. It was like waking up for the first time in decades. Wtf had I done to my life, how and why did it come to this, and basically came to the conclusion that I didn't want to live like this anymore. Set myself an ultimatum to fix things with set goals, and then reevaluate.

Well, here I am.

 

[CynicalHopelessness]

I don't think you can pinpoint a single event. There were many times when I thought "this is it, I'm gonna off myself" and still kept going. I am still going, even now.

I guess you can only realize it after you've taken your death elixir and you keep resisting your survival instinct.

 

[porfin1234]

Now. Returning to event from a year ago where I had a lot of aspirations and hopes and dreams to pursue my passion for dance only to have sabotaged everything. And realizing I will always be alone and in reality have just been a toxic waste of human being.

I was really connecting with my higher self and others this time last year. Now I'm on sanctioned suicide while at this event. An event dedicated towards evolving as human beings, love, compassion, and connection.

How fucked is that.

 

[Freedom Believer]

When I realized that I'm not in control of my life anymore.

 

[DepressedAngel]

I'm not sure when it started but I realized it when I found myself staring the mirror one day, with a blade to my arm. There were tears and blood dripping down my body and I was trying not to make any noise so no one would hear me. But I kept whimpering and I eventually broke down and that's when I realized I was done with life and truly wanted to die. But, that was almost two years ago and I'm still here and I still have hope. I just hope the world sees I deserve better than what I have gotten.

 

[Jean4]

When I was molested at age 4 by my brother who gave me Herpes. A gift that keeps giving. I never stood a chance at having a normal life.

 

[Backwood_tilt]

When I was molested at age 4 by my brother who gave me Herpes. A gift that keeps giving. I never stood a chance at having a normal life.

Wow. I am so sorry to hear this. Cannot imagine what you have had to go thru.

 

[Jean4]

Wow. I am so sorry to hear this. Cannot imagine what you have had to go thru.

Thanks. That was actually the easiest thing in my life. Lol.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

1st admission to psych unit when I was 19 under police guard in chains for attempting to hurt myself. Makes me wonder why all those who bullied me and hurt me never went through that humiliation that I had to go through. Drove home the point then that what I did was illegal and socially unacceptable.

 

[CookieBandit]

But was it not his choice?

of course it was. Still miss him though. Life is empty without him, had him by my side for nine years. At least he is not in pain anymore.

 

[beatlegirl]

I lost the love of my life. He's the only one that would ever understand me. I don't think I'll ever find someone again.

He's my one true soulmate. I'm shattered

 

[Broken Chimera]

I had my life stolen from me. I didn't even have a chance to do anything in life. I've just been delaying the inevitable all this time and I'm getting ready to end this game.

 

[Enbiecat]

When my husband said he didn't know if he wanted to be with me anymore. Before that, I thought it was being told I'm a horrible parent. It had been my reason to keep living. And before that I thought it was a significant injury that landed me in a wheelchair. I may never get out even though I'm supposed to be "better" already.

But this admission from him... Is by far the worst especially with the backstory. I'd encouraged him to find his happiness, which turns out it's worth my former best friend. Not me. She'd sworn she didn't want to hurt our marriage.... Guess that was a lie.

 

[BPD Barbie]

I wish I could pinpoint it, I guess when I was sexually abused by my step father. Things just spiralled from there, I truly shattered in 2019 I think, that's when all the problems and things I've dealt with came to me all at once and I just broke. I had carried everything for so long and not tried to seek help.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

July, 1998 at 12:35pm.

 

[BabyYoda]

When I began loving someone. Became worse when I asked for help from someone who discouraged me from getting help from anyone else. https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/story-reaching-out.29790/

That was enough to reach beyond my critical point.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

The end of 2016 when my only child died as infant (am antinatalist now though btw). I haven't been same since. I had already experienced horrible abuse previously but that was the nail in the coffin. And now the recent discovery of the death of my ex who I still loved.

 

[Morphinekiss]

Oct 4, 2006, 9:35 pm. My body was a crime scene

April 5, 2015. I left work because A coworker pulled aside to tell me blood was dripping down my legs. Laying in a hospital room, in extreme pain and bleeding profusely, a doctor walked in, asked if I knew I was pregnant. No. "Well you were, but the fetus is gone and we need to operate." The little bit of me I had left was gone when I woke up from that surgery.

 

[Enbiecat]

When I began loving someone. Became worse when I asked for help from someone who discouraged me from getting help from anyone else. https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/story-reaching-out.29790/

That was enough to reach beyond my critical point.

I've been there. The person I relied on more than anything discourage it to the point I was afraid to upset them by seeking help.

Hugs.

 

[Xaphous]

I had my life stolen from me. I didn't even have a chance to do anything in life. I've just been delaying the inevitable all this time and I'm getting ready to end this game.

This too

 

[Taylored]

When I woke up after an OD and couldn't see properly.

 

[Innereye]

When I couldn't breathe, drink, or eat properly anymore, we never realise just how important these things we take for granted are until we lose them

 

[exhausted]

I think I am that type of glass with a coating that keeps all the glass fragments in place when it shatters. But I think I have shattered in a good way this year. I am broken, I am tired, I am exhausted and I accept it.

 

[voyager]

When I couldn't breathe, drink, or eat properly anymore, we never realise just how important these things we take for granted are until we lose them

Indeed, that's very true. Remember as a kid older people would wish me good health and I'd laugh it off more or less. But really it's everything and priceless.