At the end of the day i am just a fucking loser

[Bunnybrains]

Over obsessive, no social skills, puts my foot in my mouth. No job, no income, i live in the most beautiful place in the world completely supported. I like to use the easy out of "chronic illness" to really describe where the bulk of my suicidality comes from but i think its much more inherently about who i am?

If im left to my own devices i will sit in my room smoking weed waking up at any time neglecting my pet to play on my phone and listen to music and stare at the wall for 4 to 6 hours without medication or food or coffee and wonder why i feel like shit. Not every day, but too often is it just a waste of time killing it until the next thing.

I will talk myself into a hole with a old friend of mine and swallow my pride to apologize for a mostly stupid determination of mine to ruin others happiness. I didnt have to touch it, everything was fine, i could have simple let if fade but instead i was a dick.

My room is disgusting and i cant stop crying because no matter where i stop its still me. No real amount of weed or cleaning or disipline it is always me, i cant seem to change even when every peice of me is screaming that i could have friends if i wasnt so antaganistic and an ass and i just miss seeing people. I miss having a future with things to look forward too that isnt more than this. I miss thinking i could get a job or go to a college thats worth anything or own a home or have kids or make more time with the people i love but its fucking hopeless

 

[higherthanthesun]

I understand how you feel to an extent, and I'm truly sorry you feel this way about yourself.

I smoke a lot of weed too, it can be the best part of my day for me, it makes me forget all the things I was just stressing about moments ago. Don't be so harsh on yourself.

I feel like in order to clear your head you should take steps towards tidying your room, make yourself a tea. Sometimes the smallest things can make an impact.

I wish you all the best, and pray you find peace <3

 

[mikan79]

I hope you feel better at least health wise. I always feel like my words dont matter cause there is nothing anyone can say to change my mind or how i feel. I can only imagine if it even matters. I hope this doesnt come off as pro life but I wish you all the best( whatever best means to you).

 

[Bunnybrains]

I hope you feel better at least health wise. I always feel like my words dont matter cause there is nothing anyone can say to change my mind or how i feel. I can only imagine if it even matters. I hope this doesnt come off as pro life but I wish you all the best( whatever best means to you).

Nah i appreciate it- think might have been a lil in my head

I understand how you feel to an extent, and I'm truly sorry you feel this way about yourself.

I smoke a lot of weed too, it can be the best part of my day for me, it makes me forget all the things I was just stressing about moments ago. Don't be so harsh on yourself.

I feel like in order to clear your head you should take steps towards tidying your room, make yourself a tea. Sometimes the smallest things can make an impact.

I wish you all the best, and pray you find peace <3

I took meds and ate some food... ty for ur wishes

 

[FadingFast2023]

Sounds like you need to quit weed.

 

[vuberpoot1]

It's good that you're reflecting and thinking about the ill you've done in the past, but I think it's important to try and not get consumed by it. The past is in the past, and even if you weren't the best friend, family member, boy/girlfriend, you can't change it now. Just try your best to look forward, and keep in mind how you may try to do better in the future. You may want to start by setting some small, attainable goals, like cleaning one corner or one half of your room. Obviously this is much easier said than done, I struggle with similar issues all the time as well. But I hope this encouragement I have to offer may be of some help to you. Best wishes, friend.

 

[hi-okbye]

that sounds so horrible, i'm sorry your going through that. i wish i had advice to give or somethig, but i'm in a similar situation myself and don't really know how to get out. the most i can do is wish you luck and perserverence, if you ever need someone to talk to, to just let it out, i'm here