At least the universe is a little helpful

[four_walls_girl]

Somehow every time I'm almost about to have my scars/ cuts exposed to someone the universe always intervenes in some way.

It's sort of a rush actually, I've been taking more risks, walking from the shower to my room in a towel with my arms out while there's people in the house. Leaving my blades pretty much in plain sight and nobody being suspicious. Leaving bloody wipes in a trash bag and nobody even noticing or at least saying anything.

It's a little sad too I guess, I've had my arms on show while I was drunk or as an 'accidental' wardrobe malfunction with my sleeve rolling down and nobody has noticed or said anything they either. So they're either genuinely blind, or just do not care. That or my scars are too small and I need to go deeper.

One half of my brain wants someone to notice, but it has to be the right time. When I'm skinner and looking sickly then I'll be allowed to be cared for and looked after. But then the other half of my brain needs it to be kept secret until I ctb, because obviously it'd be a lot harder to do it when someone knows you're already harming yourself.

It feels hella stupid, but I'll let the universe decide on what'll happen until my expiration date next year.

 

[EmptyBottle]

I don't think others avoid noticing or don't notice because they don't care, maybe they feel uneasy and glance away, maybe they genuinely don't notice because their eyes are focusing on some other things

 

[Sunshine]

Using self-harm or displaying things like bloody tissues or visible injuries as a way to get attention or care from others isn't good.
I understand you're in pain but this is a form of manipulation and puts others around you in a weird spot. From my perspective, there should be communication and expressing your pain in ways that invite compassion instead of scaring people. And if these people don't care about how you feel then why would you want them in your life anyway?