As a single woman my life is no longer worth living

[FireFox]

I have tried so hard to enjoy life as a single person but as the years go on I can no longer cope anymore. This is not a life worth living.

I am tired of doing fun activities all on my own because I have no friends to do things with. Every time I do something fun by myself all I just wish how I wished I had a partner to do this with.

Evenings I am crying my eyes out everyday because I have not got a man who loves me. All I have ever known is men rejecting and humiliating me it's like the universe made me to be rejected and unloved by men. I ask guys for a coffee and every time close to the date they cancel on me every time and then proceed to reject me and no longer want anything to do with me anymore.

Since turning 28 the loneliness has finally become too much and it will be worse in the future. When my mum and grandmother die I will be on my own because my relatives are never there when you need them. My grandmother and mother through out their lives helped all the relatives with whatever problems they had whether its financial or they needed support with something but relatives have never ever been grateful and never cared whenever my family had problems. When my grandmother was sick the same relatives she helped none of them cared to phone and ask how she was doing instead one of the relatives were phoning to ask my mum for money. This relative already knew my grandmother was sick.

People don't understand how much having a man of my own means to me. If I was married my husband and I would be our own family.

I have given up all hope of ever finding love I have gone through so rejection even from a young age with men. I am truly unlovable. If I was loveable men would be nice to me and not exploit my kindness and always giving my time to everyone.

 

[endlessmelancholy]

I'm like you but I'm a single man. I know it hurts. Everyone deserves love and you too

 

[bankai]

I'm sorry, OP. I do understand the pain of loneliness. The sad truth is some of us might be meant to be alone .I'm in the same boat as well.

 

[encore]

people underestimate just how much the mental torture of being alone can put one person through. i relate, a lot. everything nice and fun feels hollow because im the only person enjoying it. it's meaningless. all of it. there's no joy for me if i can't share it with someone i deeply care about. having a real connection means the world to me but im no position to seek it out anymore or sustain it.

 

[catfriend]

i'm so sorry. i know this feeling all too well... i'm around the same age as you and the 'alone' thing seems to be eating at me more than it used to. alas, we're apparently a social species. what a cruel joke!

 

[jb.fletcher]

I'm sorry for your loneliness. We love in a world where we have people more connected than ever, yet everyone is lonely. In my experience, friends>spouse. Unfortunately you can get lonely in a marriage too.
If you do need a friend, you can always reach out, I like to listen

 

[niki wonoto]

I'm from Indonesia (42/M), and even though I'm a guy, I can deeply relate with what you've just write above. I agree with one comment particularly above, that people don't understand how being alone/lonely/loneliness will really seriously eat you up from inside, until you're dead. And also, people don't understand that having a special someone/partner/relationship (romantically) also means a whole lot different thing, than just friendships/friends. It's something that somehow just can't be replaced, and that's why it's truly essential, and perhaps even of the 'basic' human's needs, after survival.

And I even still speak about all of this, admittedly, NOT as an 'incel' or 'male virgin', nor someone who has always been 'forever alone' in my whole entire life. I've been in relationships before. And I do have some friends. But, I don't know why, lately, it seems that I've almost spent my times just alone by myself..

& that's why I can't even imagine/fathom what about some people out there in this world, who are TRULY ALONE in all their lives!...

some people (& even some quite well-known/famous names, even the 'notorious' cases.. ) have even killed themselves due to loneliness... so it's actually also a 'valid' reason as to why some people can be (really) depressed & even feeling suicidal because of it (loneliness)..

 

[Apathy79]

I'm not sure if I can help with this or not but as someone who gave up a long term positive relationship in order to become a hermit, completely isolated from everyone, my view of loneliness is somewhat different. I'm not sure if I will remain alone forever or not, but I know that I only want to change it if the relationship is better than the alternative of being alone, and I don't believe most relationships I've seen are. The fantasy version is really not far off what I had. But she wanted kids and I didn't. Where can it go from there? Most relationships I know, they're fighting constantly. I'd definitely rather be alone than that. I don't really know many relationships like the fairy tales.

 

[quins]

You're quite young. I'm not sure if this applicable advice, but it really is about who you know, and "online dating" is just a gaping void for all sorts of malarkey to spring up. Have you tried traveling? I'm not sure what your ethnic makeup would look like, but it might be a good idea to travel to think about "assortative mating", which, yes, is an entirely unromantic idea, but then again that's one solution out of many, or none.

 

[lawlietsph]

I am so sorry. We've been fed this awful lie that we should be strong independent women when in reality we were not made to live alone at all. We are supposed to be living in big communities, surrounded by other women and men. Our nervous system is not supposed to be in a constant 'fear mode', we are supposed to get love, safety and protection from men, and of course we are supposed to give it back to them also. This whole society is so fucked up, I can't even comprehend it anymore wtf are we doing... it's insane... i understand you and I wish I could help

 

[CatLvr]

I am old enough to be your grandmother and have felt the way you do now most of my life -- even when I was a child and did not understand "adult" relationships -- I just wanted to be loved like it looked like everyone else was. My first marriage was a disaster that lasted only long enough for me to get pregnant twice. There was nearly 20 years between my first marriage and this one. And though I have been with this man for 25 years now, I feel as lonely as you, because for him I was simply a means to an end.

I have managed to fill that void with pets, but I understand that is not feasible (or even recommended) for some people.

I wish I had some advice for all of you who are young and single and want that to change. Well, I actually do have some, now that I think about it. Never EVER settle for the first person who comes along and shows you affection. Or says all the words you long to hear. As I am sure you all know by now, you can be in a room full of people and still be the loneliest person on the planet.

And take care of yourselves like you would take care of someone you love. You deserve it.

 

[Worndown]

The news does not really back this up, but we humans are social creatures.

 

[SchizoGymnast]

I'm actually in quite the opposite situation. I'm in my mid-30s, single by choice and proud. But it's hard and it's not for everyone. Whether you eventually find that special someone or you end up being a lifelong loner, never get confused about one thing. The most valuable investment you will ever make is in yourself. Not only does it help you be content with your own company but it SUBSTANTIALLY increases your chances of meeting people (men and women, friends and lovers) that are actually worth your time. You can have something in common and build something together.

 

[Esc9434]

I'm actually in quite the opposite situation. I'm in my mid-30s, single by choice and proud. But it's hard and it's not for everyone. Whether you eventually find that special someone or you end up being a lifelong loner, never get confused about one thing. The most valuable investment you will ever make is in yourself. Not only does it help you be content with your own company but it SUBSTANTIALLY increases your chances of meeting people (men and women, friends and lovers) that are actually worth your time. You can have something in common and build something together.

Listen to his person. They know what they are talking about.

 

[FireFox]

I am so sorry. We've been fed this awful lie that we should be strong independent women when in reality we were not made to live alone at all. We are supposed to be living in big communities, surrounded by other women and men. Our nervous system is not supposed to be in a constant 'fear mode', we are supposed to get love, safety and protection from men, and of course we are supposed to give it back to them also. This whole society is so fucked up, I can't even comprehend it anymore wtf are we doing... it's insane... i understand you and I wish I could help

@lawlietsph When other women get married or have serious relationships they forget their friends. Not all women do this but there is a pattern.

Its so distrubing

Being single is so lonely and society tells us to be "grateful" because couples have it harder. I fucking hate the main character syndrome that exists with couples. Too many couples treat their relationships like it is a tv soap and everyone else is a supporting character. The single person is the role of the supportive friend/therapist in the soap opera.

 

[tipoftheRGB]

I am the same as a 28, almost 29, year old woman. At 26, it started really getting to me. Now at 28, I straight up want to die. Its like an animal instinct. Like people say career, friends, hobbies, experiences etc should be enough. But no it doesn't fill the hole where partner and family should be for some of us. I've stopped engaging in life and stopped leaving the house because I am so depressed about my failed love life. I can't do the things people say are great about being single anymore because I'm too depressed. Several women in the media have killed themselves over this and the comments sections are full of people saying "it can't have been that. It must have been something else." Yes it is that. For some of us, nothing fills the void where partner and family is supposed to be. I am so desperate to ctb and I am only here because of my fear of pain and becoming a vegetable. I don't know how to try anymore when I am too depressed to try.

 

[zengiraffe]

As a single guy in his 30s I've also been feeling this way lately, but I had girlfriends before and it didn't make me happy, actually made me even more miserable and stressed out, because being a good boyfriend is a lot of work. Be single and lonely or be in a relationship and be stressed out, it's a lose-lose scenario for me.

 

[dearlydeparted44]

I have tried so hard to enjoy life as a single person but as the years go on I can no longer cope anymore. This is not a life worth living.

I am tired of doing fun activities all on my own because I have no friends to do things with. Every time I do something fun by myself all I just wish how I wished I had a partner to do this with.

Evenings I am crying my eyes out everyday because I have not got a man who loves me. All I have ever known is men rejecting and humiliating me it's like the universe made me to be rejected and unloved by men. I ask guys for a coffee and every time close to the date they cancel on me every time and then proceed to reject me and no longer want anything to do with me anymore.

Since turning 28 the loneliness has finally become too much and it will be worse in the future. When my mum and grandmother die I will be on my own because my relatives are never there when you need them. My grandmother and mother through out their lives helped all the relatives with whatever problems they had whether its financial or they needed support with something but relatives have never ever been grateful and never cared whenever my family had problems. When my grandmother was sick the same relatives she helped none of them cared to phone and ask how she was doing instead one of the relatives were phoning to ask my mum for money. This relative already knew my grandmother was sick.

People don't understand how much having a man of my own means to me. If I was married my husband and I would be our own family.

I have given up all hope of ever finding love I have gone through so rejection even from a young age with men. I am truly unlovable. If I was loveable men would be nice to me and not exploit my kindness and always giving my time to everyone.

All of this, but as a single man. However, I spent way too long with the wrong woman. That sucked more than being single. I do agree about doing fun things and wanting someone to share it with. However, I've come to realize that most people really aren't worth being friends with. Most people simply don't have quality friendship to offer. They usually hang out with people who they're... a) benefiting from or b) obligated to. There are very few friendships in the world. I guess that's just the way the human animal operates. And those endowed with an actual caring soul are left holding the bag in a lot of relationships.

Like you, I want a woman of my own. However, I want a woman who wants me for me. I want to live in a life that will allow me to be a good man to that woman. In a society that's not designed to fuck over its own people. It's truly amazing and sad how difficult it is to live a simple life. That's almost a fantasy for me. And I look at all these so-called romantic relationships out here feeling relieved that I'm not in one. It sucks being with the wrong person. It sucks being with someone who really doesn't want to be with you. It sucks having someone always fantasize about anyone BUT you. So, human relationships are a double-edge sword. It can suck to be without one, and it can suck to be in one. I've met very few people who've obtained halfway decent connections.

I sympathize with you. In today's world, the post-COVID world, male/female relationships have seemed to all but completely soured. It's one of the many reasons I'm going to ctb soon. This life simply can't give me what I want. It's just not capable of doing so. And I deserve much better than this life has given me. Not that I'm entitled or ungrateful. However, I'm not about to call life's piss rain. I don't have to, and I won't. Neither should anyone else. I really do identify with a lot of what you're saying, and I send hugs.

 

[vitbar]

I'm a man, in case that matters. From adolescence through to last year I felt the same when single (most of the time). Had a couple of short relationships, and a handful of potentials that didn't work out. Felt like someone was missing from my life. Like what's the point if alone?

This last year I had a few more potentials and a failed relationship. It all got me thinking about what I want. I still want a relationship, but they'd have to be a solid match. I prefer being single to another bad match. I've given up looking too. Sometimes I wonder if I'll regret this. Still I'm relaxed about it. I could regret either way.

A lot of the people I know think this change is crazy.

 

[bankai]

still want a relationship, but they'd have to be a solid match. I

ironically you won't find the solid match of you don't date meaning you'd have to be in a relationship to find out.

 

[attheend13]

I have tried so hard to enjoy life as a single person but as the years go on I can no longer cope anymore. This is not a life worth living.

I am tired of doing fun activities all on my own because I have no friends to do things with. Every time I do something fun by myself all I just wish how I wished I had a partner to do this with.

Evenings I am crying my eyes out everyday because I have not got a man who loves me. All I have ever known is men rejecting and humiliating me it's like the universe made me to be rejected and unloved by men. I ask guys for a coffee and every time close to the date they cancel on me every time and then proceed to reject me and no longer want anything to do with me anymore.

Since turning 28 the loneliness has finally become too much and it will be worse in the future. When my mum and grandmother die I will be on my own because my relatives are never there when you need them. My grandmother and mother through out their lives helped all the relatives with whatever problems they had whether its financial or they needed support with something but relatives have never ever been grateful and never cared whenever my family had problems. When my grandmother was sick the same relatives she helped none of them cared to phone and ask how she was doing instead one of the relatives were phoning to ask my mum for money. This relative already knew my grandmother was sick.

People don't understand how much having a man of my own means to me. If I was married my husband and I would be our own family.

I have given up all hope of ever finding love I have gone through so rejection even from a young age with men. I am truly unlovable. If I was loveable men would be nice to me and not exploit my kindness and always giving my time to everyone.

I am a woman who is in a full time relationship. I'll tell you that it is equally as lonely in a relationship with someone who doesn't connect with you.

 

[Aloneandinpain]

some men really aren't too picky do you have a chance. Yes there's loads of assholes out there, but plenty of guys will accept any women if they just meet very basic standards.

You don't need fancy hair colours, expensive make up or expensive clothes. Just don't be loud/obnoxious and cause drama, have basic hygiene and be a healthy weight.

 

[livershapedbox]

As a single guy in his 30s I've also been feeling this way lately, but I had girlfriends before and it didn't make me happy, actually made me even more miserable and stressed out, because being a good boyfriend is a lot of work. Be single and lonely or be in a relationship and be stressed out, it's a lose-lose scenario for me.

I relate to this a lot, I used to think having a boyfiend would fix me but it didn't and instead just meant my issues were now affecting someone else. So I broke up with him and decided to be single forever

 

[bankai]

some men really aren't too picky do you have a chance. Yes there's loads of assholes out there, but plenty of guys will accept any women if they just meet very basic standards.

You don't need fancy hair colours, expensive make up or expensive clothes. Just don't be loud/obnoxious and cause drama, have basic hygiene and be a healthy weight.

Quite true, I walk past a part of town where there are a lot of upscale hair salons and man the number of women in there paying an arm and a leg for something that lasts about a day is huge. a warm bath, hair wash and some basic makeup should be enough.

never made sense to me. again it's their choice how to spend their hard earned money.

I am a woman who is in a full time relationship. I'll tell you that it is equally as lonely in a relationship with someone who doesn't connect with you.

This is what I've heard a lot as well. People cheating. A spouse crying themselves to sleep right next to their partner as well as all the other craziness that comes with relationships.

my dad would go weeks without speaking to my mom after a fight. put me off relationships and kept me single.

 

[Aloneandinpain]

Quite true, I walk past a part of town where there are a lot of upscale hair salons and man the number of women in there paying an arm and a leg for something that lasts about a day is huge. a warm bath, hair wash and some basic makeup should be enough.

never made sense to me. again it's their choice how to spend their hard earned money.

There's some research that even shows women who absolutely plaster on make-up are treated less nicely by potential partners owing to them simply looking less human and more plastic/fake. I expect the same goes for those with fake lips, fillers, Botox etc

 

[bankai]

There's some research that even shows women who absolutely plaster on make-up are treated less nicely by potential partners owing to them simply looking less human and more plastic/fake. I expect the same goes for those with fake lips, fillers, Botox etc

definitely. imagine injecting actually chemicals directly into your body. I'll never understand it. it will actually make you look good in the short term but age you poorly as a result because of the impact on your health.

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

people underestimate just how much the mental torture of being alone can put one person through. i relate, a lot. everything nice and fun feels hollow because im the only person enjoying it. it's meaningless. all of it. there's no joy for me if i can't share it with someone i deeply care about. having a real connection means the world to me but im no position to seek it out anymore or sustain it.

And I cannot receive it, i can't enjoy it, not with a soul,, because in reality I am always,, always alone,, all I've ever wanted was to connect, to feel genuinely understood or at least related to,, I wish not everything I do would be considered keeping myself in perpetual loop of negativity,, there's no line that's manageable without feeling like the one who is the failure in the end,,, AND the ONE thing I've kept myself alive for in life at the end of the day was "Love"
,, because I thought it meant the world,,, Love means everything,, I believe,, but I cannot be loved, no not clearly enough to not have to pretend,, it's weird and uncomfortable and just fucking hurts thinking about not ever being able to just,, be.

 

[anonymousperson]

Holy crap did I write this myself? I am too a single woman. My mother and aunt are my ROCKS and the only people I am living for. Once they are gone I will honestly have nothing. No one to text me "good morning sweetie" or "good night love you xoxo" every single day. I text them constantly and idk wtf I will do when they are gone. I think I will finally have the courage to CTB when one of them passes. Right now I just can't bear to hurt them.

I am older than you and have only been on 1 date in my entire life and never had a boyfriend. It stems from self hatred as I feel I am not pretty enough or good enough for a guy to ever actually be interested in me. I always hoped I'd find someone who would be my best friend and have the unconditional love that I have with my family with but I've given up on that. As morbid as it sounds I wish I could convince my mom or aunt to CTB with me and all 3 of us go out together.

All in all, I am so sorry you feel this way but just know you are not alone. I completely understand what you mean.

 

[FireFox]

I am old enough to be your grandmother and have felt the way you do now most of my life -- even when I was a child and did not understand "adult" relationships -- I just wanted to be loved like it looked like everyone else was. My first marriage was a disaster that lasted only long enough for me to get pregnant twice. There was nearly 20 years between my first marriage and this one. And though I have been with this man for 25 years now, I feel as lonely as you, because for him I was simply a means to an end.

I have managed to fill that void with pets, but I understand that is not feasible (or even recommended) for some people.

I wish I had some advice for all of you who are young and single and want that to change. Well, I actually do have some, now that I think about it. Never EVER settle for the first person who comes along and shows you affection. Or says all the words you long to hear. As I am sure you all know by now, you can be in a room full of people and still be the loneliest person on the planet.

And take care of yourselves like you would take care of someone you love. You deserve it.

@CatLvr you deserved so much better. It makes me so angry there are so many people in our world who can't appreciate the amazing person that is right in front of them.

My desperation for a relationship is so bad that I will settle for any man because I have gone through so much rejection and i dont want to be rejected again. If an unstable and unsuitable man chooses me I will accept him because all the other men in the world never wanted me. The unstable man all I will care about the fact is he chose me.

 

[SchizoGymnast]

@CatLvr you deserved so much better. It makes me so angry there are so many people in our world who can't appreciate the amazing person that is right in front of them.

My desperation for a relationship is so bad that I will settle for any man because I have gone through so much rejection and i dont want to be rejected again. If an unstable and unsuitable man chooses me I will accept him because all the other men in the world never wanted me. The unstable man all I will care about the fact is he chose me.

Develop a relationship with yourself. Truly. Start there.