Are your feelings invalidated by others?

[dreadpirateroberts69]

I am now very wary of who I share my feelings with, and how, because of how much they've been invalidated. Why should I make myself vulnerable and spill my guts to someone only for them to tell me I'm doing this to myself, or that I could somehow just decide to be happy/fulfilled?? No bitch, it doesn't work like that!! Just be fucking grateful you aren't trapped in my head!!

 

[eternalmelancholy]

I am now very wary of who I share my feelings with, and how, because of how much they've been invalidated. Why should I make myself vulnerable and spill my guts to someone only for them to tell me I'm doing this to myself, or that I could somehow just decide to be happy/fulfilled?? No bitch, it doesn't work like that!! Just be fucking grateful you aren't trapped in my head!!

Yeah I don't see the point either. It sucks because I have this deep longing to be understood yet I know it is practically impossible. I wish people would just listen if they have nothing useful to say. I do feel like a hypocrite seeing how I have over a thousand posts. It seems like I can't keep my mouth shut yet expect others to show restraint.

 

[dreadpirateroberts69]

Yeah I don't see the point either. It sucks because I have this deep longing to be understood yet I know it is practically impossible. I wish people would just listen if they have nothing useful to say. I do feel like a hypocrite seeing how I have over a thousand posts. It seems like I can't keep my mouth shut yet expect others to show restraint.

I think "deep longing" is a great way to put it. I have always had this deep longing to be understood, to be seen, and for intimacy, to be held. I have given up that either is possible for me at this point. It's a brutal realization to come to. Everyone who would think there's hope for me has never had to walk in my shoes. I'm just completely dead inside and it would be a miracle to bring me back. I wouldn't be hard on yourself for being very vocal in this forum, as it's a very unique outlet- I couldn't use these words with anyone I know or even a therapist. Had sort of an unsavory experience with a therapist a couple months ago. Our culture is just satarated with bullshit toxic positivity. As others have stated throughout this site, I believe much of the reason people relentlessly wield the "it gets better"s is because they're terrified to put themselves in our shoes. To see what we see and feel what we feel. Because they value their lives and the thought of wanting to die fills them with dread.

 

[VKVK]

Not as much "invalidated" as "no one ever gives or gave a fuck (especially my family that caused it) about and any hell we put you through, we only care about you being physically useful to us".

I guess it's to be expected, since all of us here only really care about maximizing our potential understanding of others' suffering because we've gone through enough of it. No use expecting that kind of better treatment from anyone else, just nuke this hellhole.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

I think "deep longing" is a great way to put it. I have always had this deep longing to be understood, to be seen, and for intimacy, to be held. I have given up that either is possible for me at this point. It's a brutal realization to come to. Everyone who would think there's hope for me has never had to walk in my shoes. I'm just completely dead inside and it would be a miracle to bring me back.

I think wanting to feel understood and to belong somewhere are some of the most basic needs we have as human beings. Well if you are suicidal then there is this huge barrier between yourself and everyone else who is not suicidal. People will never understand unless they experienced a trauma that ends up destroying their will to live.

Because they value their lives and the thought of wanting to die fills them with dread.

I think this is why people get so upset when someone they know manages to ctb. Death reminds them of their own mortality and it fills them with inescapable dread. To me life is completely pointless. We are born, we suffer and we die. Why would anyone willingly bring more lives into this hell? The more I think about it the more I resent the fact that I was born in the first place.

Not as much "invalidated" as "no one ever gives or gave a fuck (especially my family that caused it) about and any hell we put you through, we only care about you being physically useful to us".

That's the problem with narcissists they will never take responsibility. They also think you owe them this huge favor for giving birth to you. As if you had a choice in the matter.

 

[dreadpirateroberts69]

I think wanting to feel understood and to belong somewhere are some of the most basic needs we have as human beings. Well if you are suicidal then there is this huge barrier between yourself and everyone else who is not suicidal. People will never understand unless they experienced a trauma that ends up destroying their will to live.




I think this is why people get so upset when someone they know manages to ctb. Death reminds them of their own mortality and it fills them with inescapable dread. To me life is completely pointless. We are born, we suffer and we die. Why would anyone willingly bring more lives into this hell? The more I think about it the more I resent the fact that I was born in the first place.

Exactly. I find myself feeling guilty for the pain I will cause my parents, but then I think, they chose to bring me into this world. I didn't have any say in the matter. Yeah, it's shit luck to have a kid that kills themselves, but maybe they killed themselves because they had shit luck themselves. Shit luck breeds shit luck. That's life.

 

[VKVK]

Exactly. I find myself feeling guilty for the pain I will cause my parents, but then I think, they chose to bring me into this world. I didn't have any say in the matter. Yeah, it's shit luck to have a kid that kills themselves, but maybe they killed themselves because they had shit luck themselves. Shit luck breeds shit luck. That's life.

And the wheel continues to spin, everlasting. Sometimes I wonder if we even had a chance in the first place.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

Exactly. I find myself feeling guilty for the pain I will cause my parents, but then I think, they chose to bring me into this world. I didn't have any say in the matter. Yeah, it's shit luck to have a kid that kills themselves, but maybe they killed themselves because they had shit luck themselves. Shit luck breeds shit luck. That's life.

I just wanted to say that you have a very whimsical and amusing way of writing. I thoroughly enjoy reading your posts.

I am actually amazed someone like my parents managed to survive long enough to give birth to me. They are some of the most dysfunctional and toxic people I have ever encountered. I would actually laugh at my bad luck if it wasn't so sad. The only thing in life I did right was never having kids. I can't even imagine all the ways I would ruin their lives. Just like how my parents ruined mine.

 

[Chaestergram]

All the damn time but surprisingly not my family nor friends but partner, so ain't any better since our stupid human brain is programmed to put love first generally but ay I got used to it that I found other ways and especially started to validate my OWN self

 

[eternalmelancholy]

And the wheel continues to spin, everlasting. Sometimes I wonder if we even had a chance in the first place.

Probably not. My parents were two idiots that fumbled their way into parenthood. I don't really know my grandparents but it sounds like they were the same. Just like how I would end up doing the same to my kids if I ever had them. Never being born truly is the greatest gift of all.

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

I don't talk to others specifically because of this shit.

 

[GentlyFading]

"Help is just a phone call away."

And the help its just being handcuffed in the back of a car, locked up in a hospital for days, and then sent back home to the same place you have before.

For me it's platitudes like "it gets better," "you have to ride it out," etc. It doesn't get better. I'm almost 23 and I just keep getting worse. I at least have the shame to stop burdening other people and take responsibility for my own misery.

 

[dreadpirateroberts69]

I just wanted to say that you have a very whimsical and amusing way of writing. I thoroughly enjoy reading your posts.

Wow thank you!! I strive to be whimsical and amusing, even in the face of crushing pain and melancholy, and I appreciate that it comes through in my writing- really makes one feel seen :)

I am actually amazed someone like my parents managed to survive long enough to give birth to me. They are some of the most dysfunctional and toxic people I have ever encountered. I would actually laugh at my bad luck if it wasn't so sad. The only thing in life I did right was never having kids. I can't even imagine all the ways I would ruin their lives. Just like how my parents ruined mine.

For a long time I have been shocked at the flippant attitude most people have toward having children. It's eldrich and horrifying on both ends, having a baby and being born. Forcing this new awareness into existence in a world where the possibilites for all the bad that could befall them are limitless. I truly believe people who think having kids is a good idea have got to be at least somewhat delusional, just like they believe WE'RE delusional. Who knows if we'll ever see eye to eye.

 

[CatLove56]

Oh all the time people are just assholes

 

[Hirokami]

All the fucking time. "Others have it worse than you", "shut up, you're fine", "it's all in your head", etc. Though, what these people don't understand is that suffering is relative and there is no "worse" suffering. Everyone was born under different circumstances and has different limits.

 

[FuneralCry]

Non suicidal people will never be able to comprehend what it is like. I see it as better to just keep my feelings to myself. Many people live under a delusion that life is always worth living and they are in denial of the fact that things can get that hopeless that one would consider ctb. I cannot stand toxic positivity. Sometimes things will never get better and that is a fact of life.

 

[ItsMe-Hecked]

They will endlessly repeat how life is not supposed to be easy and you're supposed to struggle. But they still act shocked when someone decides they don't want to deal with all that, and call them weak. As if there is any virtue in toiling endlessly for no reward. That's what I consider a fool's errand.

Why should someone be forced to live life -- which even pro lifers admit is hard and full of pain-- if they actually are "weak"?

I actually had this conversation accidentally with someone from my group therapy, who I mistook to be on the same wave-length as me because he claimed to be lonely. This "conversation" involved my thoughts of misanthropy, Efilism, and obviously suicide came up briefly. His main focus was on my Efilism and misanthropy, though.

His response was something along the lines of "Efilism is an entirely ridiculous stance because the whole point of life is that it comes with suffering. A life without suffering is meaningless, and I think that an immense amount of suffering is healthy for the average person."

I went on to mention how my Efilism, trauma, and misanthropy are deeply intertwined, and he mocked me.
"If you hate others, that must mean that you're a sophomaniac. You think you're of higher intelligence; higher self-awareness than others. You don't have empathy. You're not unique. You just want to be special. People don't like you because you're sensitive like this. See what I'm talking about? You can grow from this suffering, dumbass! Why are you getting so defensive? I'm trying to help you grow as a person? This is why you have no friends!"

Something along those lines. That last part was pretty ironic because pretty much immediately after he said this, he declared that he was the "ugliest guy on the planet" and was whining about how everyone hated him. Schadenfreude, I suppose.

Even people who claim to be suffering at the hands of our society can't connect the dots to the fact that the suffering that humans deal with on a regular basis can be greatly alleviated by not participating in society. Or better yet, deciding to opt out of existing altogether.

Apologies for going a bit off-topic, but I needed to get this off my mind.