Discussion Are you within an internal war?

[Warlord's Pulse]

It's often said that suicidal are constant battling with the own mind. It's a pretty dualistic idea to me, but either way, let's assume it can be true. With that aside, bear in mind that:
All warfare is based on deception

So, in which ways are you being deceived in this psychological war?

 

[death over slavery]

1. That life is something worth living for despite the ups and downs, despite the fact we're living in hell
2. That jobs allows us to build our fortune, despite the fact that the corpos are milking us with underpaid jobs, overtime work, horrible workplace culture to hide their greedy intents, and being in the worst economy possible
3. That people are something to approach to in times of need, despite the fact that the majority of people I am with are traitorous piece of shit and manipulative scums
4. That we should try to be successful even though all of these won't matter in death (unless you care about legacy)

and many more...

 

[itsgone2]

It's a constant battle between what i actually want, death, and SI. I haven't been able to go through with it mostly doing nothing at all. But that's not sustainable so I don't know what will happen.
I agree with everything @death over slavery said. Corporate greed, led by private equity, has ruined the world.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Totally.

For many years I was deceived.

Every second especially from age 0 to 18 but even today lies are being programmed into my brain

Most here might agree on some lies for example that "u have to be mentally ill to want to commit suicide, or to attempt suicide "

Imo more lies:

" life is good . That we have to accept suffering. Death and Non-existence is bad".
I think the opposite now Life is bad Non-existence is the best thing

Imo it's hidden that very horrible things can happen to any human in life. And how bad extreme or the worst pain is . To me nothing is worth not even a second of the the worst pain

Imo some more lies that I'm a person that has to fight to live accept suffering.

No I'm not even a person there is no self only a brain and brain cells . I'm just cells and a brain thst can suffer unending constant unbearable pain.

I'm just touching on this . To me almost everything is lies. For example there are conflicting beliefs on many things about beliefs in what happens aftrr Death ; so all cant be right some have been taught incorrect falsehoods

 

[Forever Sleep]

I feel more like there's a jailer inside my brain. I think most parts of me are agreed that we'd be better off out of this world. It's my conscience- over what it would likely do to my Dad- that holds me here against my will.

Really though, it was only the first few times I had suicidal thoughts that they felt intrusive. And that was really only because it had been ingrained into me that suicide was bad, sinful and cowardly. I pretty quickly felt like my thoughts were a rational response to my utterly shit life at the time.

But for me- life- or at least, the obligation to live is the tyrant in all of this. I suppose I have a leaning towards pessimism, cynicism, lethargy- that I do have to fight against in order to do what's expected of me- work, take care of myself, fulfil my obligations to others.

Suicide is simply the fire escape to me though. You never baracade a fire escape. Neither do I try and banish or fight my suicidal thoughts. I do however tell myself I can't act on them yet.

 

[FoxSauce]

All day everyday. Every second of the day.


Feels like a very annoying roommate that you cant evict

 

[badatparties]

Very much a war in the mind.

 

[KlMeNw]

I feel more like there's a jailer inside my brain. I think most parts of me are agreed that we'd be better off out of this world. It's my conscience- over what it would likely do to my Dad- that holds me here against my will.

Really though, it was only the first few times I had suicidal thoughts that they felt intrusive. And that was really only because it had been ingrained into me that suicide was bad, sinful and cowardly. I pretty quickly felt like my thoughts were a rational response to my utterly shit life at the time.

But for me- life- or at least, the obligation to live is the tyrant in all of this. I suppose I have a leaning towards pessimism, cynicism, lethargy- that I do have to fight against in order to do what's expected of me- work, take care of myself, fulfil my obligations to others.

Suicide is simply the fire escape to me though. You never baracade a fire escape. Neither do I try and banish or fight my suicidal thoughts. I do however tell myself I can't act on them yet.

Speaking of a jailer inside your own head, check out my profile pic. Lol. I feel like there are so many crossed wires and short circuits in my brain and if I could just get them uncrossed I might get to be myself. But until if/when that happens im stuck behind bars.