Are you unloveable?

[Snake of Eden]

I dont believe in the platitude that everyone is loveable. I also dont believe in the cliche that you have to love yourself first in order for others to love you. I like everyone to participate honestly with what makes them loveable or not.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

For me it's simple. No one loves me, apart from my mom and dad. Dad's passed away. So now it's just my mom. But I keep hurting her so much I don't think I'm being loved by her anymore. And I just lucked out with my parents. They're very good people. That's why they loved me so much. I guess they couldn't otherwise.

 

[KTbear]

A few thing that make me unloveable: obesity, anxiety disorder, self-centered, not very attuned to many social niceties, am terrible at making conversations with people.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I forgot to say why I'm not lovable. Well, first of all, the very obvious reason, bc I'm dumb AF.:):) and my temper is just impossible to bear with. I'm annoying and self-absorbed. I'm whiny. I'm irresponsible and unreliable. I'm a crazy sad little bitch :):):) There's probably something else I'm forgetting to mention

 

[pole]

i struggle to love myself so i seek out others to provide me with what i cannot offer myself. i don't believe i'm loveable if i cannot even love myself.

not sure if others are in the same boat, but i also haven't ever felt loved either or can confidently say i know how love feels like? what is love? i don't know.

best to be alone.

 

[bed]

I think I have some good traits that can make me loveable, but I am too mentally ill to have/sustain a relationship.

I do not believe in the whole, you have to love yourself first to be loved, however. I just think I am too far gone to provide much if anything to someone else.

 

[KTbear]

For me it's simple. No one loves me, apart from my mom and dad. Dad's passed away. So now it's just my mom. But I keep hurting her so much I don't think I'm being loved by her anymore. And I just lucked out with my parents. They're very good people. That's why they loved me so much. I guess they couldn't otherwise.

My mom died in October. She was a very good person and I know she loved me with all her heart. The number of times I hurt her are impossible for me to count and she still loved me with everything she had in her. I apologized for every time I was mean to her or ever hurt her feelings when she was dying, and she told me there was nothing to forgive and that she loved me so much. That's the thing about loving parents, they love you until their last breath. So when you recognize that you are doing something that hurts her, try not to. Not because she won't forgive you, but because she deserves to be treated kindly and not doing so will make it that much harder to forgive yourself.

 

[rationalis]

I try to be reliable and not cause trouble for others. I stopped trying to have a relationship a long time ago, so don't care if I am loveable.

 

[Snake of Eden]

i struggle to love myself so i seek out others to provide me with what i cannot offer myself.

not sure if others are in the same boat, but i also haven't ever felt loved either or can confidently say i know how love feels like?

best to be alone.

I think if my flaws (physical, mental) were not the same I would not have hard time loving myself. I struggle to love myself for the same reasons that others struggle to fibd reasobs to love me. If I loved myself the way that I am it will be a big fat lie or it would be delusional. What does it mean to love yourself when you can't find the reasons to do so? Is it a self-improvement (laws of attraction) technique? Which one should come first? Preposessing loveable traits so you can live yourself and so others love you or loving yourself no matter what even if you dont really have much thats loveable?

 

[Smart No More]

I was loveable before I got sick. Had a cheeky sense of humour. Fast wit. Honest with myself and others. Varied interests and I was very compassionate and empathetic. I was very comfortable in my skin and had spent my life working on my mind. Man, I love me, back then. In a healthy manner that is. So I was going to check "I'm lovable" however since I got ill my life revolves around survival and I have maybe genuinely smiled 2 or 3 times in the last year. So now, to love me I think you would need to have known me before all this and be able to see past what it's done to me. I' m not that person anymore and I mourn and miss me. Unfortunately I don't really have the capacity to love like I did. Its like I died inside my own body. I think you need to be able to love to be loved.

Your Mom will always love you @A_miStake_of_NATURE I don't know your story but I'm not sure you can rule yourself out just yet. If you have compassion you have love in you. If you hold yourself honestly to a set of principles and take ownership of your failures and mistakes whilst learning from them, you are well on your way. Do you harm or hurt anyone intentionally or passively through selfish acts? I don't know of course but these things stand you in good stead for finding love in one form or another. This applies to everyone. People will love people with flaws if they're just seen to be honest with themselves and making efforts not to be ruled by their insecurities.

Sorry. Bit preachy maybe. I do hold these views honestly though so I'm sharing.

 

[Snake of Eden]

My mom died in October. She was a very good person and I know she loved me with all her heart. The number of times I hurt her are impossible for me to count and she still loved me with everything she had in her. I apologized for every time I was mean to her or ever hurt her feelings when she was dying, and she told me there was nothing to forgive and that she loved me so much. That's the thing about loving parents, they love you until their last breath. So when you recognize that you are doing something that hurts her, try not to. Not because she won't forgive you, but because she deserves to be treated kindly and not doing so will make it that much harder to forgive yourself.

This is so true in my case as well. I wish i can help it. Im trying to the best of my ability. This really warmed my heart. Thank you

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

My mom died in October. She was a very good person and I know she loved me with all her heart. The number of times I hurt her are impossible for me to count and she still loved me with everything she had in her. I apologized for every time I was mean to her or ever hurt her feelings when she was dying, and she told me there was nothing to forgive and that she loved me so much. That's the thing about loving parents, they love you until their last breath. So when you recognize that you are doing something that hurts her, try not to. Not because she won't forgive you, but because she deserves to be treated kindly and not doing so will make it that much harder to forgive yourself.

I'm really sorry for your mom. Such painful loss as a loss of a parent is something I wouldn't wish on my enemy.

What hurts her the most is me wanting to die. I can't stop hating myself and start loving and accepting my life. And I can't accept her aggression as her reaction to my suffering. So I'm really hoping, once I'm gone, so will be gone all her troubles that are related to me

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I'm lovable by other idiots and/or anyone else without standards but am otherwise strictly unlovable and anyone who knows me as well as I do would say the same which is why I will never ever even begin to love myself. People can certainly love things about me or love how my patheticness can make most people feel better about themselves. There is no pure reason to love me, because I have nothing to offer in return. Unless I love you back, which I probably don't, I'm just going to inevitably throw that love back in your face anyway by killing myself anyway.

 

[layne2001]

like what others said I do believe I am loveable and that I could be a great friend or girlfriend to some girl only if I wasnt so unstable and suicidal which kinda ruins everything for everyone lol

 

[KTbear]

This is so true in my case as well. I wish i can help it. Im trying to the best of my ability. This really warmed my heart. Thank you

Hugs to you. Right now I'm lying on the bed crying because I can't call her and thinking of every mean thing I ever said to her. It is the worst feeling, and isn't what she would want, but really hard not to do anyway.

I'm really sorry for your mom. Such painful loss as a loss of a parent is something I wouldn't wish on my enemy.

What hurts her the most is me wanting to die. I can't stop hating myself and start loving and accepting my life. And I can't accept her aggression as her reaction to my suffering. So I'm really hoping, once I'm gone, so will be gone all her troubles that are related to me

Thank you. Unfortunately, your 2nd paragraph isn't how it actually works. If you wanting to die is what's hurting her then your actual death will not relieve any of her pain. She is probably terrified that she will be without you and doesn't know what to do about it. That concern isn't always expressed in the way it should be. If the both of you could have a calm and honest conversation about what each of you are experiencing (and if possibe have access to a therapist) it might really help both of you.

 

[fatefulstillness]

A deep lack of trust will definitely sabotage any meaningful interactions before they even happen. That's my evil. Whether my negative view on relationships is justified or I'm the only one at fault cannot be decided right now. I'd like to believe it's both. For now I'm just unloveable, for real proximity is just not possible.

 

[aprilshowers]

Though I don't go out of my way to pursue love and companionship, I like to think I am loveable. People in general are quite kind and friendly to me, and my close friends might love me. I can't say I love myself though. I feel like I know my own faults and vices too intimately to ever love myself.

 

[meetapple]

I think the thing to remember is that we tend to be our worst critics. Once we are aware of that tendency we can love the parts of ourselves that we hate irrationally. We can be our own friends by treating ourselves as we would a friend in the same situation.

 

[bed]

My mom died in October. She was a very good person and I know she loved me with all her heart. The number of times I hurt her are impossible for me to count and she still loved me with everything she had in her. I apologized for every time I was mean to her or ever hurt her feelings when she was dying, and she told me there was nothing to forgive and that she loved me so much. That's the thing about loving parents, they love you until their last breath. So when you recognize that you are doing something that hurts her, try not to. Not because she won't forgive you, but because she deserves to be treated kindly and not doing so will make it that much harder to forgive yourself.

This made me teary-eyed, I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. She sounded like a lovely mom, who only wanted the best for you unconditionally <3

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

My mom died in October. She was a very good person and I know she loved me with all her heart. The number of times I hurt her are impossible for me to count and she still loved me with everything she had in her. I apologized for every time I was mean to her or ever hurt her feelings when she was dying, and she told me there was nothing to forgive and that she loved me so much. That's the thing about loving parents, they love you until their last breath. So when you recognize that you are doing something that hurts her, try not to. Not because she won't forgive you, but because she deserves to be treated kindly and not doing so will make it that much harder to forgive yourself.

You were fortunate to have such a deep and connected relationship with your mother.

 

[KTbear]

Yes, I was. I miss her so much.

 

[Crazy4u]

in my case, I was born unloveable. It is my destiny. I am glad I became so numb I don't feel anything anymore

 

[rationalis]

A deep lack of trust will definitely sabotage any meaningful interactions before they even happen.

True. From my perspective there is a tradeoff. Take time to know someone, and it may not work out. Or spend the time on a personal project.

 

[Onkyo74893]

I was loveable before I got sick. Had a cheeky sense of humour. Fast wit. Honest with myself and others. Varied interests and I was very compassionate and empathetic. I was very comfortable in my skin and had spent my life working on my mind. Man, I love me, back then. I. A healthy manner that is. So I was going to check "I'm lovable" however since I got ill my life revolves around survival and I have maybe genuinely smiled 2 or 3 times in the last year. So now, ro love me I think you would need to have known me before all this and be able to see past what it's done to me. I' m not that person anymore and I mourn and miss me. Unfortunately I don't really have the capacity to love like I did. Its like I died inside my own body. I think you need to be able to love to be loved.

Your Mom will always love you @A_miStake_of_NATURE I don't know your story but I'm not sure you can rule yourself out just yet. If you have compassion you have love in you. If you hold yourself honestly to a set of principles and take ownership of your failures and mistakess whilst learning from them you are well on your way. Do you harm or hurt anyone intentionally or passively through selfish acts? I don't know of course but these things stand you in good stead for finding love in one form or another. This applies to everyone. People will love people with flaws if they're just seen to be honest with themselves and making efforts not to be ruled by their insecurities.

Sorry. Bit preachy maybe. I do hold these views honestly though so I'm sharing.

Very good share smart no more, thanks.

 

[byebyeburdee]

I am lovable. Everyone who thinks otherwise is wrong, and I don't want to be around them anymore.

I love myself and see great imagination, resilience, and compassion for others in myself. And I'm very ready to leave this world because I feel so often like I'm the only one who sees me this way.

 

[rationalis]

Simple answer. If you can't love yourself why would anyone love you?

Excluding family and stuff. I fuckin hate myself.

This is my answer for only myself.

I don't know what everyone means by loveable.

But plenty of people are attracted to others who are not pleasant to be around. The traditional bad boy image, or hard to get females.

Many people are compelled to try to save others.

And I expect a lot of people cant tell when other people love themselves.

So, I think it is possible for others to love people, that don't love themselves.

 

[empty]

I am lovable in the sense that there are people who love me, most notably my family. In my opinion, I'm not a particularly lovable person in general though.

 

[aprilshowers]

I am lovable. Everyone who thinks otherwise is wrong, and I don't want to be around them anymore.

I love myself and see great imagination, resilience, and compassion for others in myself. And I'm very ready to leave this world because I feel so often like I'm the only one who sees me this way.

That's the kind of self-respect I can get behind.

 

[Midgardsorm]

I spent years trying to learn how to be lovable, believe me. I read things, I searched, I talked to people and I came to the conclusion that I'm not.
Either I can't because there's something wrong with me or I'm not enough or both.

Anyway, it was "fun" to try at least.

 

[Susannah]

I believe I'm loveable because of my kindness, and positive attitude towards people. Friends and family, and new people I meet seem to like me. At least they say that they like me.

I want to be loveable, so I focus on being sympathic. I think that it will gain me in the end. I get along with most people, and I try to build them up, give compliments and being polite.