Venting Are you ugly? How has it affected your social life?

[rotthjärta]

Are you ugly? How has it affected your social life? - tell me I would like to know.

I consider myself below average based on my features and how my life has been. It starts really young when people begin to make comments behind your back or just flat out tell you. You also see it in how people treat you or how not many people approach you. So when you pair ugly and a weird personality and on top of that being a girl its like you created the worse sin of your life now everyone has to punish you for it.

Im not a guy so I don't understand that side of things, I really dont want to say that its worse for men or women because thats subjective and also I believe it depends in what topics, also its stupid fucking fight like come on.

The reason I bring up Im a girl is because with women looks tend to matter a lot.. too much, yeah also with guys you see that too but for girls its more of a competitive pvp type of thing. And socially it dictates a lot. Sometimes a group of girls would befriend you only to mislead you and just use you as some sort of object to make fun of or to make themselves feel better about themselves. I've been on that end a lot and when you are around girls like that complimenting another girl is like some sort of attack on them, I compliment a lot of people and I guess I do it too much idk but I remember just hearing an immediate "No this and that is wrong with her face or body" "No not at all she looks like a guy" something like that. But when women can't do that so when it's genuinely a pretty girl and they can't deny it they do character attacks or isolate them by speaking ill about them to others. I never got in those situations because I'm fucking ugly so I guess I couldn't step in the ring, yup. It's a whole fucking weird thing that I have noticed with girls. Guys are shit too I mean they tend to just plainly say it or they just make fun of you openly. I mean everyone is shit really.

No but I feel so fucking ugly I don't even want to look at people, I stopped that or my reflection I try my best to avoid it. I don't even want to dabble into makeup because then I feel like a liar. I mean who has ever been nude and a mf legit just says "I don't like your body, I prefer this and that" Well fuck my bad. My mother has gotten surgeries, she is considered above average and she just plainly lies to my face "you are pretty because I made you" Well bitch Im sorry to break it to you but you are not the same person you were. My mom talks about those things a lot, she prioritizes beauty or femininity really its all that got her what she has considering she used to be a stripper and got with a rich guy but has the entitlement of a dumb bitch who looks like every other bitch yet thinks they are the smartest and prettiest when they walk into a room.

¯\_(•᷄‎ n •́)_/¯? Oh well! I met a guy online I showed him my face YEARS AGO like when I was really young now im 19 and I haven't sent a photo since because I feel shameful, embarrassed I feel that If I do then he would leave me. I want to stop talking to him I feel too ugly. I know that If it has been in person he would've never talked to me. He says he "doesn't" care about things like that or that he remembers what I look like.
Genuinely I just feel like a fucking embarrassment. I feel that I can't continue this relationship because of how I feel. Which is really dumb.

Off Topic Annoying Rant-

I sound fucking stupid I know like im overreacting or something but dude I have just LIKE ITS COMMON FOR ME for people to openly disrespect me. And its happened since elementary and NOW Im out of school and Its just some weird fucked social thing. Have you ever just walked out of the house and a neighbor makes a loud comment, just fucking loud like dude I fucking heard you I know my nose is fucking ugly leave me alone. dont mention the pandemic goddddd the fucking mask bullshit "cAn YoU TakE oFf YouR MaSk" haaa this guy used to legit make fun of me with his group of friends but at once try to "befriend me", I fucking hated that class n those people it was like everything I did was weird so I just stopped showing up and would stay in the bathroom for hours till my last class or something. LMAO jesus christ That school was worse because mentally completely just fucking off its genuinely funny I couldn't stand being home and then I had to go to school and deal with those kind of people.

 

[darksouls]

society is a vile abomination, I am sorry you have to go through this

 

[extremelyugly]

Oh I wouldn't be here if I wasn't. Believe me, it conditions everything. I am basically a zombie because of this. Especially when I realized personality really doesn't make any difference past a certain threshold (in both directions: if you're a very attractive guy, it doesn't matter much, and if you're a very ugly guy, it matters none), and I can't "hide" my face with a beard or something because it's so fucked up that not even that would make up for it.

About the topic of mean comments and looks... I would have to wear a hidden camera with a microphone (or multiple lmao) and record myself going outside, because otherwise people don't believe me, that's how fucked up it is for me. They seem like they never left highschool, literally the same things, it's pathetic really. Technically this is more of the actual reason I'm here, the open and unwarranted disrespect which I cannot do anything about. I took it for 12 years, but it just broke me. I can't anymore man.

 

[Someonewhotypes]

Why not take a chance and show him a new photo?
You say you want to stop talking to him because of this, but why not send a photo and see how he reacts?
If he doesn't talk to you anymore, well, you were considering stopping talking to him in the first place.
If he reacts positively, which I'm sure he will given that he kept in touch with you without needing to see you, then you get reassurance and can continue with peace of mind.

 

[rotthjärta]

Oh I wouldn't be here if I wasn't. Believe me, it conditions everything. I am basically a zombie because of this. Especially when I realized personality really doesn't make any difference past a certain threshold (in both directions: if you're a very attractive guy, it doesn't matter much, and if you're a very ugly guy, it matters none), and I can't "hide" my face with a beard or something because it's so fucked up that not even that would make up for it.

About the topic of mean comments and looks... I would have to wear a hidden camera with a microphone (or multiple lmao) and record myself going outside, because otherwise people don't believe me, that's how fucked up it is for me. They seem like they never left highschool, literally the same things, it's pathetic really. Technically this is more of the actual reason I'm here, the open and unwarranted disrespect which I cannot do anything about. I took it for 12 years, but it just broke me. I can't anymore man.

Genuinely it sounds unbelievable to most, when I tried to talk about it with others they don't believe it or just plainly say some bullshit like "beauty is subjective" "i don't think of you". Beauty is subjective but we can't deny there is a social construct around it all which people judge or value you.

They seem like they never left highschool, literally the same things, it's pathetic really.

I would think yeah people would've gotten over it after highschool yk everyone spoke about the real world or the adult world as if it most adults grow up but yeah no haa I genuinely just fucking hate people. It is pathetic and shallow of them. I think what I hate more is that there isn't anything to do or say back at people who are that way, you sort of just have to stand or sit there awkwardly trying to not even look at them while you hear them say all sorts of things. The funny thing is they can sleep at night forgetting all about it or just you. I don't ever want to be in that position again but people are fucked so. But thanks for replying.

Why not take a chance and show him a new photo?
You say you want to stop talking to him because of this, but why not send a photo and see how he reacts?
If he doesn't talk to you anymore, well, you were considering stopping talking to him in the first place.
If he reacts positively, which I'm sure he will given that he kept in touch with you without needing to see you, then you get reassurance and can continue with peace of mind.

I want to, I have tried to take photos I just get into this thing where I stare it for hours picking it apart. I'm just very nervous of doing so or getting a bad reaction. The sooner I get through with it the better, you are right I should seek to continue with peace of mind rather than continuing this feeling. it only builds up so I have to stop letting it. Thanks for your advice ^^

 

[Misanthrope0000]

I genuinely don't know anymore, I'm the type of woman that is only beautiful online, but in real I've been bullied for my looks since I was a child, even as a grew up, people don't call me ugly but they make comments about how I choose to style my hair, how I make my eyebrows thin, how I'm "ruining" my looks, and mostly other women say it, for me men never really comment on my looks at all, I get called beautiful online but in real life, I'm like glared at, stared at weirdly, bullied in the past but at the end of the day idk.

Maybe it could be because I choose to have a look that is out of my society's norm, like thinner eyebrows and bangs, and that alone make people treat me weirdly, but at the same time people compliment me online, especially foreigners so I have no idea if I'm ugly or not.

 

[hurts2b]

I don't know. And I don't have a social life. I get neither insults nor compliments on my looks. It's the kind of thing that doesn't really cross my mind too often.

 

[mars2027]

I don't think I'm handsome or ugly. Maybe leaning more towards ugly. When I download apps to interact with people because I feel extremely lonely and I show them pictures of myself, I notice how their interest starts fading away. I could look better if I took care of my appearance but I've been isolated for many years because of mental illness, so I don't really take care of that.

 

[Lamentice]

I don't know, I don't really know how anyone could know what they look like; like I have a mirror, but looking at my features doesn't mean much cause I don't know how they're percieved or anything. I don't really understand it.

How do people know what they look like? I feel like if I tried to draw a picture of my face I wouldn't be able to, even though I look at myself all the time.

I don't know. And I don't have a social life. I get neither insults nor compliments on my looks. It's the kind of thing that doesn't really cross my mind too often.

This is exactly my experience.

 

[TheBestFisch]

i man 168ch height 60kg, soryy i dont know american units. this mekes me feel bad. with this In the male community, you're a pussy. Everyone prefers taller, more articulate men.

Unfortunately, this has been proven. A better appearance means people judge you more positively. A better appearance means fewer mental health problems and higher social status.

Your appearance alone influences how people perceive you. Other psychological aspects probably also play a role, as does how I feel, but that's also a factor.

For example my brother manage in life. seriously. work,, ideas for future... but childhood was hard for him.i mean social life.

More and more arguments for suicide are being made. i dont have social life

 

[ScaredPossum]

I feel really ugly, and it really messes with my confidence to talk to people.

 

[coolcow1289]

I don't think I'm ugly ugly. I'm not conventionally attractive but I have a nice feature or two. I'm not unlovable. But I also don't have women approach me or anything.

I think with confidence I could be successful in the dating scene. But I know better than to pull someone else into this mess.

 

[Spite]

I'd rate myself a 4/10 and I'd say I am conventionally unattractive. Maybe not "ugly", but on the lower-end of normal-looking. Just meh. Being autistic and being hampered by the struggles of being neurodivergent makes me feel even lower, like I'm a 2/10 goblin on some days. I'd say the way I look is one of the reasons I have faced so much bullying when I was younger and is partially why I have no social life. Most of the reason as to why I have no social life is due to my mental impairments/mental illnesses, not so much my looks, although I'd say they do play a minor role in it.

 

[Macedonian1987]

Are you ugly? How has it affected your social life? - tell me I would like to know.

I consider myself below average based on my features and how my life has been. It starts really young when people begin to make comments behind your back or just flat out tell you. You also see it in how people treat you or how not many people approach you. So when you pair ugly and a weird personality and on top of that being a girl its like you created the worse sin of your life now everyone has to punish you for it.

Im not a guy so I don't understand that side of things, I really dont want to say that its worse for men or women because thats subjective and also I believe it depends in what topics, also its stupid fucking fight like come on.

The reason I bring up Im a girl is because with women looks tend to matter a lot.. too much, yeah also with guys you see that too but for girls its more of a competitive pvp type of thing. And socially it dictates a lot. Sometimes a group of girls would befriend you only to mislead you and just use you as some sort of object to make fun of or to make themselves feel better about themselves. I've been on that end a lot and when you are around girls like that complimenting another girl is like some sort of attack on them, I compliment a lot of people and I guess I do it too much idk but I remember just hearing an immediate "No this and that is wrong with her face or body" "No not at all she looks like a guy" something like that. But when women can't do that so when it's genuinely a pretty girl and they can't deny it they do character attacks or isolate them by speaking ill about them to others. I never got in those situations because I'm fucking ugly so I guess I couldn't step in the ring, yup. It's a whole fucking weird thing that I have noticed with girls. Guys are shit too I mean they tend to just plainly say it or they just make fun of you openly. I mean everyone is shit really.

No but I feel so fucking ugly I don't even want to look at people, I stopped that or my reflection I try my best to avoid it. I don't even want to dabble into makeup because then I feel like a liar. I mean who has ever been nude and a mf legit just says "I don't like your body, I prefer this and that" Well fuck my bad. My mother has gotten surgeries, she is considered above average and she just plainly lies to my face "you are pretty because I made you" Well bitch Im sorry to break it to you but you are not the same person you were. My mom talks about those things a lot, she prioritizes beauty or femininity really its all that got her what she has considering she used to be a stripper and got with a rich guy but has the entitlement of a dumb bitch who looks like every other bitch yet thinks they are the smartest and prettiest when they walk into a room.

¯\_(•᷄‎ n •́)_/¯? Oh well! I met a guy online I showed him my face YEARS AGO like when I was really young now im 19 and I haven't sent a photo since because I feel shameful, embarrassed I feel that If I do then he would leave me. I want to stop talking to him I feel too ugly. I know that If it has been in person he would've never talked to me. He says he "doesn't" care about things like that or that he remembers what I look like.
Genuinely I just feel like a fucking embarrassment. I feel that I can't continue this relationship because of how I feel. Which is really dumb.

Off Topic Annoying Rant-

I sound fucking stupid I know like im overreacting or something but dude I have just LIKE ITS COMMON FOR ME for people to openly disrespect me. And its happened since elementary and NOW Im out of school and Its just some weird fucked social thing. Have you ever just walked out of the house and a neighbor makes a loud comment, just fucking loud like dude I fucking heard you I know my nose is fucking ugly leave me alone. dont mention the pandemic goddddd the fucking mask bullshit "cAn YoU TakE oFf YouR MaSk" haaa this guy used to legit make fun of me with his group of friends but at once try to "befriend me", I fucking hated that class n those people it was like everything I did was weird so I just stopped showing up and would stay in the bathroom for hours till my last class or something. LMAO jesus christ That school was worse because mentally completely just fucking off its genuinely funny I couldn't stand being home and then I had to go to school and deal with those kind of people.

I am so sorry you've had to navigate such cruel behavior from fake friends and deal with the exhausting, superficial pressure from your mother. It makes total sense why you feel the urge to hide, but please remember that the bullying you've endured reflects their own ugly insecurities, not your actual worth. As for the guy you're talking to, try not to self-sabotage a genuine connection out of fear, he has stuck around because he truly values your mind and who you are as a person. You deserve to be treated with kindness and to be loved exactly as you are, so please be gentle with yourself.

 

[pinkluvr]

Pretty much yeah. I rely on makeup a lot to make me feel better but I know I'm a fraud. I'm honestly a bit obsessive when it comes to appearances cause of how ugly I am, and it sucks my personality can't compensate for my unattractiveness. I'm really just ugly inside and out. It's honestly one of the main reasons why I wanna ctb in the first place.

 

[FoolsExpedition]

Can't tell if i am.
growing up as a child i occasionally got picked on for my looks and while some of my friends got boyfriends during school i never did

after leaving school though i started getting attention and have had many people tell me that i'm beautiful and/or they're attracted to me

I usually feel very ugly to myself personally, or very average at best.

 

[hwid]

The halo effect is definitely worse for women/girls than for guys from what I've observed as a man. A lot of the guys I grew up around treated conventionally attractive women like saints. I am guilty doing the same when I was younger. I wouldn't be surprised if I subconsciously still did it.

I was a little below average before I gained a bunch of weight and stopped interacting with people. I don't think I have any overwhelmingly unattractive features outside of my control.

I don't think my looks were that detrimental to my attempts at making friends/connections in life. I am extremely socially inept despite a bunch of meds and counseling as a kid.

But I do believe looks would have helped immensely with dating. Something I briefly attempted and failed at after realizing how difficult it was. I think being attractive would have helped people overlook my boring and weird personality. Not sure if it could've helped with any potential long term relationships.

 

[rotthjärta]

Once again had a conversation about this with someone only for it to be the same stupid sayings. I'm not haa theres no way I could show this mf my face. I mean seriously, I never get understanding or a good discussion out of it.. Its always some pity bullshit.

 

[franos666]

Looks is one of the main reasons of my bad mental state. I've been having a really low self-esteem for a few years and it all started as a teenager. I am obsessed with my appearence and it destroys my mental health. It makes me feel constantly unhappy, shy and demotivates me to live or do anything and I am almost certain I have BDD. Sometimes I imagine how different my life would be if I were better looking and accepted myself and this thought is painful...

 

[Forveleth]

All through my childhood, up into my teens and even a bit in my early 20s, my looks were always described back to me in a negative light, including by my parents. However, it taught me to ignore anything having to do with looks. If someone judged me solely on my looks, I knew they were not worth my time, and there were others who I did not judge by their looks, and I ended up finding very good friends who accepted me for how I was.

Now in my forties, having had several good relationships and having been complimented on my looks many times since being a teenager, I can tell you it gets better. Looks are not nearly emphasized as much as you think, especially as you get older. You will find that there are beautiful people on the outside that are very ugly on the inside, and supposedly ugly people on the outside that are beautiful on the inside, and in general, the latter is much preferred.

 

[extremelyugly]

All through my childhood, up into my teens and even a bit in my early 20s, my looks were always described back to me in a negative light, including by my parents. However, it taught me to ignore anything having to do with looks. If someone judged me solely on my looks, I knew they were not worth my time, and there were others who I did not judge by their looks, and I ended up finding very good friends who accepted me for how I was.

Now in my forties, having had several good relationships and having been complimented on my looks many times since being a teenager, I can tell you it gets better. Looks are not nearly emphasized as much as you think, especially as you get older. You will find that there are beautiful people on the outside that are very ugly on the inside, and supposedly ugly people on the outside that are beautiful on the inside, and in general, the latter is much preferred.

Nah it doesn't. If it does then you aren't that ugly. This isn't a binary thing, it's a sliding scale, and some of us are in the extreme where nothing will get better because we have so many wrong things with our appearance, and they're all unfixable stuff in most cases (barring being a millionarie and having 15 surgeries). This is all there is for us.

I am glad you grew up out of your ugliness or found a way not to care because believe me, it's way better to be dead than to be hideous, and for me the phrase "ugly people on the outside that are beautiful on the inside" is not true at all, because in my experience those have a tendency to be both ugly inside and outside when you don't pass a certain looks threshold. You're not human to them, to any of them. Maybe it's because they want to cover for their own insecurities, idk, but honestly, for me it has never been true.

Sorry for being so negative but it pains me to see how garbage my life is just because of bad genetics.

 

[boyafraid]

So sorry about the experiences you went through ): people can be so cruel and shallow to others simply based on their appearance... It is all so unfair

I never cared or had any insecurities about my looks until the 8th grade when I got called ugly for the first time. I became insecure about my looks but it wasn't too bad. By the time I finished high school, it was a lot worse and I even developed an eating disorder because of it. So many bad, messed up, and humilating experiences just based on the way I look. Anytime I got treated bad based on my face(something I never had control of to begin with) my soul broke each time... I've had my eating disorder for a while now, and I hate it. I hate it that I starve myself to "look less ugly" even though no matter how hard I try, there will always be someone who finds me ugly and treats me like garbage because of it ):

Right now I weigh 130 which is almost underweight for my height. Sometimes, I tell myself if I get down to 110 lbs I will be happier and people will treat me better. It's just a delusion though, because there will always be evil people out there.

It's not my looks, the problem never was never the looks imo. The problem is how people get treated based on their looks ):

I wish people were nicer and more sympathethic...

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

i wanna believe that I'm not but some people have said otherwise and honestly i feel like i probably am. pretty lonely

 

[makebelieve]

Yes im ugly and i've noticed that people are less likely to take interest me and i never immediately click to others.

 

[StoneCactus]

Being ugly really limits your options for everything. Dating, job interviews, networking, friendships, housing, the list goes on. I've seen how it works from both sides. I was ugly as sin from the time I was little up until my mid 20s and was reasonably attractive from my mid 20s to mid 30s. People I'd known my whole life commented on it. Then I grew massive amounts of ear hair, lost my head hair, and had to get a denture to replace my two front teeth because I grind my teeth too hard for implants or a bridge. The difference in how people treated me when I was attractive and how they treated me before and after was night and day.

 

[acidbath881]

I think I'm ugly, but then again my brain is poisoned by looksmaxxing and constantly comparing myself to girls with Instagram face. Some people would kill themselves just to be reincarnated in my petite body lol, but I constantly nitpick shit about my face. My teeth are yellow and I have a crooked tooth on my lower set of teeth from not wearing a retainer. I edit my pics with my face in it. I have dark circles under my eyes from insomnia but I cover them with makeup. People have hit on me before and have willingly had sex with me so I'm not entirely ugly, but I feel hideous most of the time.

 

[violetforever]

as a young straight woman, i dont even know what it fucking means to be pretty anymore. all my prettiness matters for and has worth to is in the eyes of lustful men. yet i care. i dont know if im pretty or not. all i know is that the concept of being pretty and attaining to it has been so detrimental to my life whether i really am or not. ive been accused of having body dysmorphia. i do obsess over my looks. i lay in bed all day feeling miserable and still feel the need to pick up the mirror i keep on my bedside table to examine my face every 10 minutes or so. i do this even after traveling to another country just to have a cosmetic procedure done. i dont even know if the question is about if im really ugly anymore. its more like what will it take to not feel ugly/to feel pretty? and does it even matter and is it worth it?

 

[extremelyugly]

Yes it is, doesn't matter how much they try to deny it. Lookism is everywhere and the halo effect (or horns effect if you're ugly) are both terribly prevalent everywhere in society, whether it's for hookups, long-term, or even applying for jobs (one of the most evil things ever frankly). It's the disgusting truth. If you're attractive, you live life in Trainer+10 mode; if you're ugly... you don't live.

 

[passthisnote]

Are you ugly? How has it affected your social life? - tell me I would like to know.

I consider myself below average based on my features and how my life has been. It starts really young when people begin to make comments behind your back or just flat out tell you. You also see it in how people treat you or how not many people approach you. So when you pair ugly and a weird personality and on top of that being a girl its like you created the worse sin of your life now everyone has to punish you for it.

Im not a guy so I don't understand that side of things, I really dont want to say that its worse for men or women because thats subjective and also I believe it depends in what topics, also its stupid fucking fight like come on.

The reason I bring up Im a girl is because with women looks tend to matter a lot.. too much, yeah also with guys you see that too but for girls its more of a competitive pvp type of thing. And socially it dictates a lot. Sometimes a group of girls would befriend you only to mislead you and just use you as some sort of object to make fun of or to make themselves feel better about themselves. I've been on that end a lot and when you are around girls like that complimenting another girl is like some sort of attack on them, I compliment a lot of people and I guess I do it too much idk but I remember just hearing an immediate "No this and that is wrong with her face or body" "No not at all she looks like a guy" something like that. But when women can't do that so when it's genuinely a pretty girl and they can't deny it they do character attacks or isolate them by speaking ill about them to others. I never got in those situations because I'm fucking ugly so I guess I couldn't step in the ring, yup. It's a whole fucking weird thing that I have noticed with girls. Guys are shit too I mean they tend to just plainly say it or they just make fun of you openly. I mean everyone is shit really.

No but I feel so fucking ugly I don't even want to look at people, I stopped that or my reflection I try my best to avoid it. I don't even want to dabble into makeup because then I feel like a liar. I mean who has ever been nude and a mf legit just says "I don't like your body, I prefer this and that" Well fuck my bad. My mother has gotten surgeries, she is considered above average and she just plainly lies to my face "you are pretty because I made you" Well bitch Im sorry to break it to you but you are not the same person you were. My mom talks about those things a lot, she prioritizes beauty or femininity really its all that got her what she has considering she used to be a stripper and got with a rich guy but has the entitlement of a dumb bitch who looks like every other bitch yet thinks they are the smartest and prettiest when they walk into a room.

¯\_(•᷄‎ n •́)_/¯? Oh well! I met a guy online I showed him my face YEARS AGO like when I was really young now im 19 and I haven't sent a photo since because I feel shameful, embarrassed I feel that If I do then he would leave me. I want to stop talking to him I feel too ugly. I know that If it has been in person he would've never talked to me. He says he "doesn't" care about things like that or that he remembers what I look like.
Genuinely I just feel like a fucking embarrassment. I feel that I can't continue this relationship because of how I feel. Which is really dumb.

Off Topic Annoying Rant-

I sound fucking stupid I know like im overreacting or something but dude I have just LIKE ITS COMMON FOR ME for people to openly disrespect me. And its happened since elementary and NOW Im out of school and Its just some weird fucked social thing. Have you ever just walked out of the house and a neighbor makes a loud comment, just fucking loud like dude I fucking heard you I know my nose is fucking ugly leave me alone. dont mention the pandemic goddddd the fucking mask bullshit "cAn YoU TakE oFf YouR MaSk" haaa this guy used to legit make fun of me with his group of friends but at once try to "befriend me", I fucking hated that class n those people it was like everything I did was weird so I just stopped showing up and would stay in the bathroom for hours till my last class or something. LMAO jesus christ That school was worse because mentally completely just fucking off its genuinely funny I couldn't stand being home and then I had to go to school and deal with those kind of people.

im 19 too and ive never even been in a talking stage before or had a girl have a crush on me. i mean ive never really had an interest in dating before so idrc but ts still kinda sucks.

 

[Dark Moon]

I consider myself ugly but I don't really know. I was bullied for my looks before but at the same time I got compliments for my looks mainly from other women even on dating apps but then they ghost/unmatch me afterwards so it's hard to believe them.