Venting are you supposed to send the people you had a falling out with a suicide note?

[eggsausagerice]

there's this specific person i used to have in my life that i mentioned on the forum more in the past when i was still talking him. we never dated, but we were emotionally codependent because we both lived with our toxic parents and had no real life friends. eventually he moved away to university, and found the friends and fulfillment he was looking for. at the same time, i lost the only person that i cared about in my life and dropped out of college because of my grief and since my dad's job made him to busy to drive me to campus. when he visited his hometown, i would cry and i didn't know whether it would hurt more to see him or not see him. eventually i blocked him. it took me a long time to get there, because i thought i needed his number to send him the suicide note eventually. but it's better for me to block him to avoid reaching out and fighting and reaching out over and over again. being stuck in the cycle was torture.

i used to tell him i wanted to kill myself, because i thought he knew what it was like. that's why he called the police on me when i told him i planned on attempting for real. he thought i had a gun (i planning on hanging myself in the woods), so when the police showed up they treated me like i had a gun in the house. i told him that if he was calling the cops he should stop or i would hate him. i was sleep deprived, so they didn't believe me when i said i was fine. it was still hard to let go of him after that because there was no one in my life that i was as close to. i struggled to get along with most of the people i knew and i felt like i was pretending to be human while he knew how, because he was smart enough to go to university.

i think i'd rather have him forget about me. i feel annoyed that i gave him so much physical evidence that i existed, because i constantly bought him things and wrote to him. i've spent a long time trying to forget him, because if i think about him it only brings me grief. i hate the idea that he wants to remember in anyway when i'm a bad person for wanting both of us to be miserable forever, because that's the main thing we had in common. he's happy now, and that's all that matters. me being even worse off than before isn't his problem if he's living his own life and not thinking about me. he's too busy to ever have time to think about when we were friends.

if he thinks i'm still alive, will that make him happier than if i schedule a message a few days after my suicide like i planned? now that we aren't close anymore, i think that i want him to forget about me. maybe not telling him is less selfish. he doesn't have a way to contact me or my family and i don't have social media, so there's no way he can know if i didn't tell him. i used to think that giving him a way to contact my family once i died was really important, but he told his family about me attempting after calling the police, so now they know me as "the suicidal friend my successful son has", which is embarrassing. i don't want his parents or his family to think i'm some whiny loser when they hear that i died.

 

[iloveyoualex]

Ive decided that these kinds of people are just failed products of your mind. And in death you could have the perfect one, so you can safely discard whatever you had here as if it was a figment of your imagination. I know i have the perfect one already, hes been in many of my dreams. But the living one, the guy i fell out with that i stupidly put in my permanent username, although he will very likely go after me if he finds out ive killed myself, hes done too much to hurt me, and once im dead i will already be with my new someone that makes me feel nothing but love, so im giving the live one nothing and acting like he was the one that wasnt real, you can do that too.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

You wouldn't rather let him think you may be out there living your best life?

 

[eggsausagerice]

You wouldn't rather let him think you may be out there living your best life?

that's what i talk about in the last paragraph lol. i think he'd forget about me or assume my life is going good while forgetting the finer details about me, like what i liked to do or how i sounded like. but i also understand why i would tell him, so that he doesn't twist my depression into a recovery story when i never found a way to recover the way he did. i spent a long time writing and rewriting a suicide note to him because it was the only way i could make him understand my perspective as a suicidal person when he wanted to force me to live by calling the cops on me.

the guy i fell out with that i stupidly put in my permanent username

you can change your username in settings btw. go to account settings in the side tab

 

[ardea]

I thought about messaging someone who I had a falling out with (if you could call it that, she just blocked me on the spot when I refused to somehow punish her ex for mistreating her) to say my piece about how that wasn't a reasonable expectation and to let her know that my death had nothing to do with her (she doesn't live far, so there's a non zero chance she finds out). I've come to the conclusion that since there's no chance of recovering the relationship, I don't owe her an explanation or closure or anything to do with me. I think once someone is out of your life, its best to behave as though they don't exist. realistically, even if your note were to make him completely understand your perspective, I don't think it would do any good if he truly has moved on. it of course can't have any positive effect on you if you're dead, and most likely it would just dredge up the past and make him feel regretful. and if an action doesn't benefit anyone at all, it's probably not an action worth taking.

 

[hevnsfall]

My suggestion is you do you and find what is the most comfortable scenario for yourself is. If I were you, I wouldn't write him anything or do anything. There is no need to justify yourself or your motifs to anyone. This is your path/story and you do not owe him any explanations. Leave him in the past and put your comfort and needs first. Try to not stirr up old flames cause you might risk burning yourself (old folklore proverb). *Hugs*

 

[eggsausagerice]

realistically, even if your note were to make him completely understand your perspective, I don't think it would do any good if he truly has moved on. it of course can't have any positive effect on you if you're dead, and most likely it would just dredge up the past and make him feel regretful. and if an action doesn't benefit anyone at all, it's probably not an action worth taking.

that makes sense. thanks for your perspective. i don't think i have anything i can actually tell him, and that's why i struggled to write a suicide note for so long. i wanted to tell him that i cherished the time we spent together, but i always thought he would replace me once we weren't around each other anymore, and he did. i think that the people he knows now are able to understand him and make him happier than i ever could, because i didn't know how to make him happy if he was the only person that i relied on for my own happiness.

for some reason, i feel like i would regret not sending him a suicide note/any note, because i always planned on sending him a note talking about our memories together. but that was before we had the big fight. we were as close as two people could be when we were the only people that talked to each other. he still matters to me if i'm thinking of letting him know i died, but he'd be happier if he could just move on from me because i think i was just a lonely period in his life before it got better and he found community. in 3 years, i'll never cross his mind. but i'm worried about him wondering what happened to me if i don't tell him. maybe he'll have moved on already. i don't want to bring him unnecessary grief if he wants to choose to forget me.

 

[moralfag]

I don't think there's a solid answer for a question like this. Would it make YOU feel better to give him that closure, or would you rather not have to worry about it?
You don't need to justify yourself or explain if you don't want to. In the end, it's your decision. You should have the right to do whatever makes you more comfortable. Living is hard enough, the least you can do for yourself is chose what you want to.
I hope things go well, I've read a lot of your previous posts and you are very well-written and I'm sorry life was so awful to you. No matter what you decide to do, please don't feel bad about it. I know its a lot easier said than done though.
Best wishes <3

 

[eggsausagerice]

I don't think there's a solid answer for a question like this. Would it make YOU feel better to give him that closure, or would you rather not have to worry about it?
You don't need to justify yourself or explain if you don't want to. In the end, it's your decision. You should have the right to do whatever makes you more comfortable. Living is hard enough, the least you can do for yourself is chose what you want to.
I hope things go well, I've read a lot of your previous posts and you are very well-written and I'm sorry life was so awful to you. No matter what you decide to do, please don't feel bad about it. I know its a lot easier said than done though.
Best wishes <3

thank you moralfag ( ⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝) your username makes me lol everytime. i appreciate you reading my posts even if you dont reply or message since i usually prefer to just put posts up without wanting advice or comments unless it's a direct question post like this.

i've been feeling very very guilty about my depression lately and have been forcing myself to spend my remaining time with my irl friends even if i spend multiple days bedrotting and eating junk food because i can't talk about my mental state anywhere but sasu. even sasu has it's flaws, but i still go on here because of the community. i've been dressing up way more and i even bought a new dress online just to wear it. the post's question crossed my mind, but it makes sense that i'll be the only one to answer it and decide whether it's worth it. i've changed my mind multiple times because i was always worried about what the "right" thing to do is. i'm always worried about other people think or societal rules rather than what i want to do, because that's the only way i've been able to be fit in without being taught how to socialize. i worry often. everyone in my life eventually realizes this about me. the hardest thing for me to do is to stop worrying and make a choice, because worrying feels much more comforting than making a choice and not constantly wondering if it's wrong.

 

[moralfag]

thank you moralfag ( ⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝) your username makes me lol everytime. i appreciate you reading my posts even if you dont reply or message since i usually prefer to just put posts up without wanting advice or comments unless it's a direct question post like this.

i've been feeling very very guilty about my depression lately and have been forcing myself to spend my remaining time with my irl friends even if i spend multiple days bedrotting and eating junk food because i can't talk about my mental state anywhere but sasu. even sasu has it's flaws, but i still go on here because of the community. i've been dressing up way more and i even bought a new dress online just to wear it. the post's question crossed my mind, but it makes sense that i'll be the only one to answer it and decide whether it's worth it. i've changed my mind multiple times because i was always worried about what the "right" thing to do is. i'm always worried about other people think or societal rules rather than what i want to do, because that's the only way i've been able to be fit in without being taught how to socialize. i worry often and a lot. everyone in my life eventually realizes this about me. the hardest thing for me to do is to stop worrying and make a choice, because worrying feels much more comforting than making a choice and not constantly wondering if it's wrong.

of course eggsausagerice, I'm glad my user can have such an impression haha, every time I see your user it makes me want a breakfast sandwich

I understand how you feel, it's so much easier to just say "do what you want" than to actually do it. I'm the same way, and even after depression stole most of my care about how others perceive me, I still find myself making choices based on what will be acceptable by society. I hope whatever you decide to do will bring you comfort, you deserve it after everything. I just wanted to let you know that no matter what you chose, it won't be the "wrong" answer, and you aren't a bad person for either option. I hope things go well! I'm glad I got to talk with you, even if it was only through a screen.

 

[valar_morghulis21]

there's this specific person i used to have in my life that i mentioned on the forum more in the past when i was still talking him. we never dated, but we were emotionally codependent because we both lived with our toxic parents and had no real life friends. eventually he moved away to university, and found the friends and fulfillment he was looking for. at the same time, i lost the only person that i cared about in my life and dropped out of college because of my grief and since my dad's job made him to busy to drive me to campus. when he visited his hometown, i would cry and i didn't know whether it would hurt more to see him or not see him. eventually i blocked him. it took me a long time to get there, because i thought i needed his number to send him the suicide note eventually. but it's better for me to block him to avoid reaching out and fighting and reaching out over and over again. being stuck in the cycle was torture.

i used to tell him i wanted to kill myself, because i thought he knew what it was like. that's why he called the police on me when i told him i planned on attempting for real. he thought i had a gun (i planning on hanging myself in the woods), so when the police showed up they treated me like i had a gun in the house. i told him that if he was calling the cops he should stop or i would hate him. i was sleep deprived, so they didn't believe me when i said i was fine. it was still hard to let go of him after that because there was no one in my life that i was as close to. i struggled to get along with most of the people i knew and i felt like i was pretending to be human while he knew how, because he was smart enough to go to university.

i think i'd rather have him forget about me. i feel annoyed that i gave him so much physical evidence that i existed, because i constantly bought him things and wrote to him. i've spent a long time trying to forget him, because if i think about him it only brings me grief. i hate the idea that he wants to remember in anyway when i'm a bad person for wanting both of us to be miserable forever, because that's the main thing we had in common. he's happy now, and that's all that matters. me being even worse off than before isn't his problem if he's living his own life and not thinking about me. he's too busy to ever have time to think about when we were friends.

if he thinks i'm still alive, will that make him happier than if i schedule a message a few days after my suicide like i planned? now that we aren't close anymore, i think that i want him to forget about me. maybe not telling him is less selfish. he doesn't have a way to contact me or my family and i don't have social media, so there's no way he can know if i didn't tell him. i used to think that giving him a way to contact my family once i died was really important, but he told his family about me attempting after calling the police, so now they know me as "the suicidal friend my successful son has", which is embarrassing. i don't want his parents or his family to think i'm some whiny loser when they hear that i died.

You aren't supposed to do anything. Do whatever you want. But personally I wouldn't waste my already limited time dealing with those kind of people. What's the point?